How to Throw a Revolution

"A revolution is a radical political or social change that usually occurs fairly quickly, so it is best to book ahead if you want good seats."

--Jefferson

Planning Your Revolution

Revolution! They are all the fad lately and having recently witnessed on the news a number of countries rising up and overthrowing their governments, I can assume that most everyone is now thinking about throwing their own revolutions. The question many are presently asking is: how do I go about throwing my own government and bring a new crew of fresh-faced politicians in, to replace the old, worn-out antiques presently running the show.

If this is the case, and I assume it is, then there is a need for someone to outline a few simple rules of etiquette and standards, all of which may be useful when throwing a revolution, in order to aid and guide the revolutionary upstarts to accomplish their job with the proper panache and possibly a dash of style and flair.

After all,if you are throwing a revolution, don't you want to do the job right?


# 1 Parking Facilities for the Revolution

The first thing you need to do is provide parking facilities.

You need a place for all your revolutionaries to park their revolutionary cars while they do their revolutionizing.

True, some will arrive on foot or by public transport (the bus) and others will ride their bikes, while a minority will take a taxi to the revolution: but by and large most will drive to the 'melee' so accommodations must be made.

When choosing the parking locale, you should make certain that valet service is provided, since some of those attending will wish to show-up at the revolution for the sake of appearances, but not want to stay for the entire length of the program--having other events to attend besides giving the old 'heave-ho' to the 'ruling-power'.

Parking fees for the insurrection can vary depending on the power being ousted. For example, if you are throwing out a dictator, $5.00 an hour for parking is not out of the question, whereas if you are over-turning a royal monarch, then $10.00 and up (per hour) is appropriate, but in that case you should include a free oil-check and window wash.

#2 Refreshments for the Revolution

While most attendees at a revolution are too caught-up in the energy of the moment to think about eating more than a quick sandwitch, there will always be discerning revolutionaries who require a little more than two pieces of bread with baloney stuck in the middle. For these political insurgents you should have a caterer organize a tent with a buffet. Refreshments are a necessity when you are involved in high-pitched chanting and screaming and even the most seasoned revolutionary will require a coffee break at some point.

#3 Visual Aids for the Revolution

Never in recent history has a successful uprising been accomplished without 'visual aids'. Such things as large placards have been shown to be most effective in stirring up the crowd and generating aggressive energy. "Throw 'X' out of Office!' or 'We Demand Change ASAP!' are typical messages and sometimes just a badly focused photo of the particular Dictator and the words 'You Stink!' is enough to get the masses moving.

Other options:

  • hire a plane to sky-write the words 'Surrender Dorothy!' (replace Dorothy with the name of the tyrant, of course)
  • take out an ad in the local newspaper inviting everyone to attend the coming revolution, and remind them to wear loose-fitting clothing and bring sunscreen--especially in countries below the equator.
  • drop leaflets from a plane, or if you can't afford a plane, then find the highest building in town and toss them off the roof. With a small breeze this technique can do wonders to advertise your uprising.


Revolution Poll

Revolutions are...

  • A Good place to meet chicks and/or hot guys
  • Needed at least once a year for most countries
  • Should be funded by the government through a new gas-tax
See results without voting

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Comments 5 comments

Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee 5 years ago from Ontario/Canada

Woody, I just love your 'How-to-hubs' they are all so, so 'how-to-ey', well explained, easy to follow, right on the dime. Must find my list of caterers or do you have a favourite one you might like to share.

voted up, funny and of course useful...

hope you're well

regards Zsuzsy


Woody Marx profile image

Woody Marx 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Zsuzsy: Cater-wise it depends on which country you are 'upstarting' in. I plan a revolt in Wawa Ontario soon, (pop: under 100) to toss out whoever is running the show and installing myself as the new Show-Runner, as I figure anyone can rule a blip on the map like that place and still have plenty of time to read books and write Hubs. Perhaps you could find a similar locale and install yourself as Dictator, (personally I'm going to be known as The Tyrant of Wawa so you can't have that title) and we could make state-visits to each other's Dominion, discussing trade policies, defense against someone uprising and throwing US out of office, and so on. Thanks for reading Z.B. !


Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee 5 years ago from Ontario/Canada

I wanna be the Tyrant of Wawa... woops no I don't, Wawa is too far north. Will you wait till the weather is warmer for your coup-etat? More might show up if it's warmer out. Locale? Is the locale important (other than for parking)? If you haven't got a giant goose???

So many questions so little time.

have a great day


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 5 years ago from Scotland

A sign of the times when an organisational manual is available for a revolt of the masses. Perhaps an Insurrection Management Course should be introduced into the Universities.

Very witty Hub as always Woody. If we have our revolution in Scotland then George Square in Glasgow would be the perfect setting as it is surrounded by at least 6 or 7 bars. Guaranteed to attract Scots in their thousands.

It's thirsty work overthrowing a government


Woody Marx profile image

Woody Marx 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Shin: Eye...tis tis my friend. I do na know how you could ever convince the Scots to leave the pub however, unless you offer free drinks oootside! Eye. They'd beat a path to George Square in record time, would they not? And once the government has been boooted out o' office, they could replace it with one where only bonny lasses are permitted ta be in office. Eye. Now there's a plan! ;)

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