How to Throw a Revolution

"A revolution is a radical political or social change that usually occurs fairly quickly, so it is best to book ahead if you want good seats."

--Jefferson

Revolution! They are all the fad lately and having recently witnessed on the news a number of countries rising up and overthrowing their governments, I can assume that most everyone is now thinking about throwing their own revolutions. The question many are presently asking is: how do I go about throwing my own government and bring a new crew of fresh-faced politicians in, to replace the old, worn-out antiques presently running the show.

If this is the case, and I assume it is, then there is a need for someone to outline a few simple rules of etiquette and standards, all of which may be useful when throwing a revolution, in order to aid and guide the revolutionary upstarts to accomplish their job with the proper panache and possibly a dash of style and flair.

After all,if you are throwing a revolution, don't you want to do the job right?

The first thing you need to do is provide parking facilities.

You need a place for all your revolutionaries to park their revolutionary cars while they do their revolutionizing.

True, some will arrive on foot or by public transport (the bus) and others will ride their bikes, while a minority will take a taxi to the revolution: but by and large most will drive to the 'melee' so accommodations must be made.

When choosing the parking locale, you should make certain that valet service is provided, since some of those attending will wish to show-up at the revolution for the sake of appearances, but not want to stay for the entire length of the program--having other events to attend besides giving the old 'heave-ho' to the 'ruling-power'.

Parking fees for the insurrection can vary depending on the power being ousted. For example, if you are throwing out a dictator, $5.00 an hour for parking is not out of the question, whereas if you are over-turning a royal monarch, then $10.00 and up (per hour) is appropriate, but in that case you should include a free oil-check and window wash.

While most attendees at a revolution are too caught-up in the energy of the moment to think about eating more than a quick sandwitch, there will always be discerning revolutionaries who require a little more than two pieces of bread with baloney stuck in the middle. For these political insurgents you should have a caterer organize a tent with a buffet. Refreshments are a necessity when you are involved in high-pitched chanting and screaming and even the most seasoned revolutionary will require a coffee break at some point.

Never in recent history has a successful uprising been accomplished without 'visual aids'. Such things as large placards have been shown to be most effective in stirring up the crowd and generating aggressive energy. "Throw 'X' out of Office!' or 'We Demand Change ASAP!' are typical messages and sometimes just a badly focused photo of the particular Dictator and the words 'You Stink!' is enough to get the masses moving.

Other options:

• hire a plane to sky-write the words 'Surrender Dorothy!' (replace Dorothy with the name of the tyrant, of course)
• take out an ad in the local newspaper inviting everyone to attend the coming revolution, and remind them to wear loose-fitting clothing and bring sunscreen--especially in countries below the equator.
• drop leaflets from a plane, or if you can't afford a plane, then find the highest building in town and toss them off the roof. With a small breeze this technique can do wonders to advertise your uprising.