Please let me get off the phone...

Like many others, I've gotten to the point of hating the sound of my ringing cellphone. I'm not sure if this is due to work or other circumstances.

I find myself thinking of the days when people called when they wanted something, needed something, or had an actual question to ask. Sometimes you would just chat, but that was usually with a family member, and even that wouldn't drag on but for so long due to long distance charges.

These boundaries have been lifted. Armed with unlimited minutes, a reason isn't needed for a phone call. It seems that some people have no idea what to do with themselves when they are alone.

I’m sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting. Let me call somebody! I’m at a stop light, what do I do? I should call somebody! Out to eat, my date went to the bathroom, I'm all alone! I should call someone!

I hate when I'm that someone....

I do enjoy talking to people I haven’t seen in a while and I would rather call someone than text if it’s going to require more than two separate text messages. But still, sometimes I just want off of the phone. I have different ways of dealing with pointless phone calls, here are a few examples:

Caller: What are you doing?

Me, rolling my eyes: Oh nothing much, walking the dogs/working/talking to a person face to face/using the bathroom/meditating.

Caller: Cool

Me, already thinking how to end the conversation: Yeah, hey, someone’s at the door/ robbing me at gunpoint/stealing my cow/borrowing my cell phone battery/asking for change/selling Girl Scout cookies/delivering milk.

Caller, with no interest in what I say anyway: Cool, call me back.

Maybe the problem is me. I need to have a better attitude, I should feel fortunate that people call me and engage them with my enthusiasm.

Caller: What’s up man?

Me: Hey! What’s going on? I haven’t talked to you in 15 hours! Are you okay?

Caller: Uh, yeah. Are you?

Me: I am now! Listen, I’m really glad you called! I was just thinking about you!

Caller: I’m gonna have to call you back.

Me: I can’t wait! Bye!

Then there’s the just seeing what you’re up to call. If you call to see if I’m free, that’s one thing, but what about the calls that serve no purpose other than to see what I'm doing? The caller doesn’t want to join me; they just feel the need to know what I've got going on.

Caller: What’s up?

Me: Nothing much

Caller: What are you doing tonight?

Me: Not much, taking it easy (I have a big night planned, and I’m very excited about my instant queue on Netflix)

Caller: Me neither.

Me, wondering why you called, were you just sitting there thinking about me and figured you would just see what my plans where, just to know?: Cool, uh, I’ll give you a call tomorrow. (I often say this as filler and it gets me in trouble. I know, I should be honest)

Caller:Peace/later, or something really cool like, Holla.

I fully understand I have issues. I’m not antisocial but sometimes I just cannot stand cell phones. I miss coming home and checking my messages. Then I could decide who to call, or call back. The ball was in my court. Now, I have no excuse.

Sometimes, when I'm on a long phone conversation that I can't seem to end, I find myself daydreaming. I've even set the phone down while grabbing something out of the fridge, throwing out an occasional, uh huh. or really!

Other times if seems the phone only rings when I'm busy. The other day I was doing yard work, enjoying this unseasonable weather. I actually had decided to chop some wood in the backyard, maybe I was trying to compensate for the other day when my wife wanted to go to Lowe’s and I wanted to go look at puppies. Anyway, there I was, Ax in hand, ready for some serious outdoorsmen-like activity. I lift the ax, about to come down with full force and either split the log or seriously hurt myself when, sure enough, the phone rings. I’ll bet this never happened to Paul Bunyan.

Many times I leave my phone at home, hoping to be free from the tentacles of technology. But even without my phone, I fall victim to the phone talk. How many times have you been out, and found yourself having to hear one of these conversations?

Shopper, standing in line at Subway: Nuthin’, what are you doing? I know right? Yeah….okay…..huh huh……lettuce…….tomato………what did she say?........I know right?........Uh, maybe a little mayo……that’s what’s up……….for real?.....

And that’s not all; phones on the market now are equipped with Near field communication, or NFC. This allows information to be passed to and from phones in close proximity to one another. Android applications will allow phones in the near future to use NFC to process payments at participating stores. Not one to miss out, Apple and Microsoft are developing similar technology for mobile payments.

One day I'll look back and think of the good old days, back when people just had cellphones instead of, brain implants/robots/barcode tattoos/smartglasses/bluetooth contacts/telepathy apps/bluetooth earrings or whatever may be trending. I'll wonder what is wrong with the world and question why we don't communicate. I'll go on and on about how nobody calls me. And I'll only have myself to blame.