Star Trek Rebooted

Space, The Final Frontier?

Players: Captain Gin Tea Cup, Shock from the planet Voltage, Gerk Cough, Solo, O’Hara, Shotty, the chief engineer. Boney, ship’s doctor.

Historian’s Note: This story takes place in the final year of Captain Gin Tea Cup’s final command of the Star Ship Hertz. After the events of an alien device which is pulling the ship into destruction.

Computer: Alert! Alert!

The warning gave the crew the time it needed to try and prevent the destruction of the USS Hertz.:

“Captain, we need more power to reverse the ship!” shouted Solo from the driver’s seat.

“Why do you always bother me when there’s a problem!” the captain shouted back.

“Because you’re the captain.”

“Oh yea, that’s right.. my bad.”

“Shock, your recommendations?”

“If we do not pull the ship back, destruction is imminent.”

“Destruction is what? Why do you use big words, you know I lost my Vocabulary for dummies book!”

“Why don’t you look in lost and found captain,” said O’Hara. “I found a pretty pink bra there.”

“You did?”

“Yea, I would show it to you but I sold it on Ebay.”

“How much did you make?”

“Twelve dollars, but that’s not including the shipping and fees, so actually I just made six dollars.”

“Hey that’s better than nothing.”

“You got that right!”

“Jerk-off pull up the view screen,” ordered the captain.

“It’s Gerk Cough captain.”

“It is… for years I’ve been calling you Jerk-off.”

“I’m glad you didn’t know what I was calling you for years.”

The captain grimaced.

“Captain, you better do something. I can hear the crew crying in their quarters like little bitches,” said Shock. The Voltage’s superior hearing gave him the necessary advantage. Though the ship’s walls were paper thin, he still had the advantage. He was also a peeping tom.

“Shotty, we need more power!” the captain called down to engineering.

“Captain I’m on a break!”

“Dammit it Shotty, you’re always on a break!”

“I have to eat you know I have low blood sugar.”

“How long will your break take?”

“Ten minutes or so.”

“Shotty if we don’t get power we’re….”

“Toast.”

“Yea Toast!”

“No captain, I was preparing toast.”

“With butter?”

“No margarine, but it taste as good as butter.”

“It sounds good.”

“You want some?”

“Yeah, fix me some toast.”

“I like French Toast,” added Solo.

“With the cinnamon right?” added Gerk Cough.

“Yea, hey Shotty, make mine French toast with a touch of cinnamon,” said the captain as he closed communications.

“Captain we are losing life support!” shouted Solo.

“Mmmm, that sounds good,” Shock added.

“Losing life support sounds good to you?” the captain glared at his science officer.

“No captain, the French toast.”

“It does, doesn’t it? Shotty, I need you to prepare another French toast for Shock.”

“Captain, two orders? I just can’t the toaster’s going to blow!”

“Dammit it Shotty! If you can’t handle two orders then you should just hang up your penis!”

“Captain,” Boney said as he stood in front of the captain’s chair. “If we’re going to have a bunch of injured crew members, I want a raise. I’ll be damned if you catch me working overtime for the same pay. Dammit Gin, I’m a surgeon, not a factory piece worker!”

“Wait a minute, you get paid?”

“Captain, we’re not going to make it!” shouted Solo.

“Of course we’re not going to make it, we’re both men and I happen to be straight.”

“Damn, well how about you Shock?”

“Just because I walk like John Wayne, it doesn’t make me gay, but I’ll think about it.”

In this case, the Voltage had chosen to keep his homosexuality a secret. A decision he now realized was not wise. He could have been making it with Solo these past few years.

The USS Hertz started to rumble, then grumble.

“Shotty, the damn ship is hungry too!”

“Shock, it’s now or never,” said Solo. “The ship is going to pieces and it just might be too late. In my quarters I have soft music playing and the scent of lavender is gracing my pillow.”

“Dammit it Solo, I’m not gay!” The Voltage resisted the temptation to berate himself for his behavior. A lie he just voiced was unproductive and illogical. He knew that the pink bra O’Hara found was his and he wanted to beat her to death for selling it on Ebay.

“This is it, we’re all going to die. O’Hara, to my ready room!”

“A meeting captain?”

“No sex, you’re the only female on board. I’ve never done it with a black chick.”

“Black? My name is O’Hara.. how do you get black from that?”

“Irish? Nevermind, Solo, to my ready room.”

The End.

© 2012 Frank Atanacio

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Comments 32 comments

lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Lol. I enjoyed this story.


LifeTrekker45 4 years ago

How dare you make fun of a Great Franchise like Star Trek.. this was distasteful.. rude.. and unworthy.. you no good untalented .. crap writer! If you can't write Don't!!!!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

Thank you Marlene bless you

@ Lifetekker... Mom? is that you?


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Your blessing helped me avoid that would have been horrific accident. Keep blessing me. lol


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

Be careful Marlene.. drive safe and God bless you always :)


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Thanks Frank:)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

anytime Marlene :)


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Funny stuff Frank, except for trekkie diehards perhaps. Up!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

Funny write!!!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

you saw that remark.. untalented LOL I really do think that was my mother LOL thanks X-man for visiting.. and Audrey good to see you hope all is well live long and prosper..:) LOL


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 4 years ago from San Francisco

Truth be told, there's a little bit of trekkie in all of us (who were glued to the TV).


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

i guess you're right mhatter99


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Brilliant Frank I loved it and vote up plus share.

Eddy.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks so much eddy.. bless you


Life Iz Beautiful profile image

Life Iz Beautiful 4 years ago from India

LOL...This one is so funny. I was feeling a bit blue after I read a touching poem by Jackie Lynnley today and now I am laughing hard!.

Thanks Frank for raising up my spirits.

voted funny.

have a nice day...:)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks so much life for reading :)


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

LOL Thanks for the laughs Frank, this was great!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks for stopping by my Spoof Trek Susan :)


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 4 years ago from malang-indonesia

Beautiful and I give my vote to this hub. Thanks for writing. Take care!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you


Seeker7 profile image

Seeker7 4 years ago from Fife, Scotland

Frank!! LMAO!! I agree with the shocked trekkie above in the comments - sure is rude but brilliant!!! What a hoot this would be if they made it into a real TV show or movie - I'd watch it!! LOL! Vote up awesome and everything else!!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

so seeker you agree with my mother? LOL thanks for stopping :) Live long and whatever...LOL


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

Frank, what I love about your stories is your skill at writing dialogues. I want to learn this craft.

This is quite and interesting read.

Cheers


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks so much for reading my spoof Vin bless you


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 3 years ago from Houston, Texas

As a long time Star Trec fan your title caught my attention. The rebooting part...what a hoot! You have quite the imagination! Ha! This definitely earns a funny vote.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks peggy :)


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 3 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Frank now that was so funny.. I dont think I remember Star Trek like that.. this was Hilarius.. i think I like this version better

Happy new year

sharing my friend

Debbie


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you Our Ms Brooks you too!


LaThing profile image

LaThing 3 years ago from From a World Within, USA

ROFL, LOL and hahahaha.... What a take on my favorite show! Hey, have to have some fun in life, right!? Great work, Frank! Voting up and sharing and everything :))


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

Lathing you are the greatest LOL thanks :)


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Frank. This was too funny. Even for a die hard trekkie like me I laughed until the tunneling neutrino beams shot out of my eyes. You must be part alien to have captured the wit from this classic TV. Now you must do one on The Next Generation with Captain Pickle and Commander Data Loss.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

LOL I like that Pegcole Pickle and Data Loss you too are very clever :)

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