Stuff I'd Like to See on HGTV

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HGTV

I am truly surprised to learn just how many couples watch HGTV together. I suppose it is a good bonding experience. Perhaps couples watch it so they can fantasize about buying a new house together. More likely, I think people like to watch it, make fun of the picky couples on those shows, and then congratulate each other on being way cooler than those people. I mean, isn't it always easier to believe you are the better person since a camera crew is not following you around and making you watch yourself on TV?

At any rate, whether you are a House Hunters fan or a Property Brothers lover (and who doesn't enjoy watching those guys?), there are some things I never get to see on HGTV. Here is just a small list of things I wish I could see on HGTV.

Hermits

I never get to see unfriendly hermits on HGTV! I am tired of it. Every time a couple looks at a house, within no time, they are both judging how much they can entertain in the house. "Oh, this kitchen is too small for entertaining!" "Oh, I need a second rec room for the large group of friends I entertain every week!"

Seriously people, are you really entertaining that much? How can ALL of you be that friendly and welcoming? There isn't a single grumpy hermit in the bunch. I will bet most people are just making that up. They are saying it for the camera and then they sit at home with TV dinners alone every night. I want to go on House Hunters one day and tell them, "It's cool. I never have people over. I am actually quite unfriendly. I don't need a large kitchen. Thanks!"

Home Repair Time?

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Grateful People

I rarely see grateful people on HGTV. Sure, you see them a time or two, but it does not happen a lot. Instead I see an assortment of picky couples, annoying couples, or picky and annoying couples. Apparently the family with one kid will die if that child does not have two bedrooms. If there aren't 4 bathrooms, Spunky the cat will not have his own private bathroom for his litter box.

Here is what I've learned from HGTV shows:

  • If your bathroom does not have a double vanity in it, you may as well just burn your whole house down now.
  • No matter what budget you have for renovating, you will need to spend double that amount because you will find either A) asbestos, B) mold, C) bad wiring, D) leaks, or E) a horrifying combination of A through D. Somehow that is the fault of the person renovating the home, never the homeowner.
  • Changing your mind in the middle of a renovation is perfectly acceptable and if you can't get your way, whine until you do.
  • You'd better have granite counter tops in your kitchen. If you have not updated your kitchen cabinets in the last 2 years, you are not worthy of selling your home. You are probably not worthy of even having a kitchen. Go live in a tent now.
  • All houses should have walk-in closets, even if the house is 50 years old. Sure, everyone wants the "charm" of an older house, but that does not mean it should not have every modern amenity.
  • If you have wallpaper in your home, you are sadly out of style. Unless your house is expensive. Then you are trendy and retro. I don't make the rules, folks, this is just what I've learned.
  • Carpet is the root of all that is evil. Apparently the carpet monsters come out and eat your feet if you happen to buy a home with carpet.

What I really wish I was seeing on HGTV shows are grateful people. Jonathan on Property Brothers works to all hours just to please homeowners. Sure, they might thank him, but rarely do they seem to appreciate the trouble he went through. Hey, that guy lost sleep trying to give you the perfect tile in the bathroom. An attempt at putting a sincere smile on your face shows some gratitude - give it a try. It also wouldn't hurt for Love It or List It participants to show a bit more appreciation, too. Hilary all but performs miracles on houses homeowners were just "too busy" to ever repair or organize themselves.

Poor People

Yeah, yeah, some people enjoy looking at mansions. That is cool since many shows about shopping for homes include mansions, or at the very least, homes that are way out of many folk's price range. You get to hear phrases like: "Oh, no. I wanted my own private island with running water in the shed," or "Ouch, 2 million dollars? I was really hoping for something in the 1.5 price range." Gag!

You know what I'd like to see? Working class people, poor people, broke people, and any other type of person I can relate to better than the people I am watching. Sure, there are some shows with Middle Class Jane and John Doe shopping for a home, but I never get to see anyone apartment shopping in a poor neighborhood.

I have yet to see a couple checking out the options in the trailer park. I want to hear about exciting amenities like a lack of roaches or running water (that wasn't brown) in the bathroom. I know those were a couple of priorities for me when I went apartment shopping when I was younger. I know there are others out there that can relate to these ideas. Give me more home buyers that are on a real budget.

We Need Gardening Advice

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Gardens

To be honest, I am not that into gardens. However, the name of the channel is Home & Garden TV. Lately, there is a lot more home and very little garden. My mother yearns for the days when HGTV used to show gardening shows. Sometimes she needs some pointers on the best place to plant a tree or creative mulching options. Where are some gardening tips?

I don't want to be picky here. I realize many channels show programs that no longer have anything to do with their names. At least we get half of what HGTV promises when we see all those homes. But for people like my mother, how about a few more garden shows?

For now, I feel like this list is about all I need to share. It is a rainy Saturday and I guess I have nothing else to do. Time to watch some HGTV.


Copyright ©2015 Jeannieinabottle

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Comments 12 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 22 months ago from Olympia, WA

This should give you an insight into my tv watching...I have no idea what HGTV is, but your article was funny. :)


moonlake profile image

moonlake 22 months ago from America

I agree with you the entertaining thing drives me nuts. To many couples doing to much entertaining.

They go crazy if they see wallpaper or the wrong color paint. My goodness all of that can come down or be fixed.

We raised 3 children in a ranch home with three bedrooms and a small bathroom, one sink. We once had 12 grown-ups and 10 kids in the house for a week for a family reunion. The kids turned it into a big slumber party in the basement. Babies slept in pack and plays. My parents brought their motor home and some slept there. We put a bed on our sun porch. It was a fun time for everyone, wish I could bring those days back. You don't have to have a huge home to entertain.


Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

Marcy Goodfleisch 22 months ago from Planet Earth

Jeannie - I agree - I started watching the HouseHunters International episodes (thinking life would be cheaper in another country) and they were filled with people who were spending more than the annual budget of many Third-World countries. I think HGTV may have figured out they weren't catering to 'normal' people - they did dial it down a bit after a few seasons.

FYI - I have a good friend who was actually on a HouseHunters episode (for the USA, not foreign). I was dismayed to learn that they recruit the families 'looking' for home by finding people who just bought a place. To be on the program, they had to have not only picked their home, but CLOSED on it! The program had nothing to do with their hunt for a home.

All those scenes where they show a couple walking into a home for the first time? All fake. They film them over & over until they get a shot they like. The other two houses they looked at were staged, too (they'd already bought their home). And, they didn't list the 'real' prices in the purchasing information. Disgusting. I don't like lies.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 22 months ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Hahaha, then you are probably the lucky one, Bill. It is a good background television station to have on when you are doing other things... or for the dog. It is his favorite channel; we leave it on for him when we are out. Other channels are too loud and make him nervous, but he can't stand the silence either. Thanks for your comment!

moonlake, you are right. People used to make do with much less space. Some of those couples are so spoiled. I hate it when they don't like the house because of the wallpaper. It can be removed, even if it does sometimes take a while. What I really don't understand are the people that hate wallpaper in one house, yet like it being in another. Huh? Thanks for checking out my hub and thanks for your comment.

Marcy, wow! Thank you for giving me the inside scoop. I had heard rumors about it being staged, but never realized how staged the show actually is. That makes me like it even less than before. Thanks for sharing!


Efficient Admin profile image

Efficient Admin 22 months ago from Charlotte, NC

Given the fact that builders in my area no longer build "starter-homes" anymore, the Poor People section really hits a chord with me. The builders are only building homes starting in the $300s which is too high for working class folks. I would really love to see this changed.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 22 months ago from Baltimore, MD Author

That sounds like a good idea. A variety of homes are being built in my area. Lately, it is trendy to take rundown homes or industrial buildings in Baltimore City, and turn them into ultra-modern and expensive condos. Although they are pretty, I would rather stick to some of the less expensive homes and townhouses outside the city. You never know when the trendy neighborhoods will one day suddenly plummet in value. The housing market is tough for normal people that just want a nice house to live in. Thanks for your comment, Efficient Admin.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 22 months ago from Central Florida

Jeannie, I love HGTV, but you're so right; young couples have millions of dollars to spend and are so friggin' persnickety. Or they have very little to spend and want million dollar homes. Most of couples who are featured on House Hunters, The Property Brothers, and Love It or List It are spoiled brats. Or gay couples who have two persnickety, fussy women who are more into showing their wares then knowing their wheres. (Read into that, I won't explain)

What kills me is The Caribbean Lifestyle, or Islands for Sale (I know that's not the right name, but I think you know what I'm talking about). Those people have more money to blow than I can even imagine. However, I love spending 30 minutes of fantasy time watching them choose between three properties that I'll never see, let alone buy.

Tell your mom to watch Yard Crashers or Curb Appeal. Those shows concentrate on landscape. However, to get how-to advice on gardening, check your local syndicated programming or early hours HGTV.

I love this post. My favorite channels are HGTV, Food Network, The Food Channel, Lifetime, TV Land, Fox, and Hallmark.


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 22 months ago from West Virginia

Oh yes, it did used to have more gardeing then the house hnting and building/remodeling and such. I, too, cannot understand how those couples can afford those homes. An average american can barely live in what they have. I wish they had some that did include the price rnge or normal Americans. I do like the remodeling shows like Love it or List it because it gives me ideas of how they saved space or made new spaces out of other spaces. Heck my house is only a small cabin in the woods with two bedrooms that are like the closets they have on those shows. Our mortgage is $125,000 and we are under water with that. They need more shows about that kind of thing.

I loved Square Foot Gardening with Paul James and the one with Rebecca Koll too, but they are long gone. The Old Version of the Victory Garden is gone now too and I lved that one. They have the new one with a new host, but I liked the old one as well.


mary615 profile image

mary615 22 months ago from Florida

Very clever Hub! I do agree with your insight. They should film an ordinary couple who have very little money to spend and help them find a suitable home they can afford.


twoseven profile image

twoseven 22 months ago from Madison, Wisconsin

Hilarious! I am burning my house down as we speak for lack of a double vanity. And I agree apparently granite is the only acceptable substance for a countertop. Goodness knows I am embarrassed to have anyone see my 1940s vinyl countertop. I need to get a second job now so that I can afford these essentials.

Thanks for a great laugh!


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 22 months ago from USA

I'd watch the couple checking out the options in the trailer park. Double wide upgrades. I can picture it now. Too funny!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 22 months ago from Baltimore, MD Author

bravewarrior, those island shows drive me nuts. I can't believe there are average people out there planning on really buying private islands. Who wakes up one morning and really thinks about that?

Lady Guinevere, I remember Paul James. He was a pretty funny guy. I think HGTV is so obsessed with that one format now: annoying couple remodeling or buying a house. They don't even realize they could do something different and a lot of people would be happy to watch.

mary615, I am glad other people would like to see normal people shop on a budget. HGTV does have a house about buying small houses, but usually even those houses are over-priced. It is so silly.

twoseven, yes, best you start making those upgrades now before House Crashers or some other crasher finds you in the local hardware store and tries to convince you they are remodeling your home.... like it or not!

FlourishAnyway, I would so love to see more shows about trailer parks. MTV used to have a show about fixing up trailers, but it only lasted one season. It was awesome and I wish someone would continue it.

Thanks for the comments, everyone!

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