Was Freddy Krueger a Government Agent Working to Stop the Russians? South Park Says Yes!

Freddy Krueger, the villian of the Nightmare on Elm Street series, may have been deep under cover when making the films that made him famous. According to an episode of South Park that first aired on October 20, 2010, Freddy Krueger may have actually been a United States government operative who protected western civilization from Russians by entering teenagers dreams and murdering the teenagers. The plausibility of this theory may seem flimsy until you realize that the cold war ended in 1991, the same year that A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 6: The Final Nightmare was made. With the collapse of Soviet Russia, Wes Craven no longer needed to document Freddy's heroic actions and chose to give him eternal peace. That is, eternal peace until 1993 when Freddy made a cameo appearance in the final chapter of the Friday the 13th series in Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday.

Given the recent release of the remade Nightmare on Elm Street and the public's tolerance for big-budget remakes, Freddy may be battling Russians long after he murders all of us in our dreams. The story has its tragic, bittersweet side though: the South Park writers found him with wife and children high on a bucolic mountain prairie. He was toiling and providing for his family like any decent former covert cold war hero might. But, like many misunderstood heroes of film-lore past, just when he thought he'd gotten himself out of the nightmare, they come to drag him right back into it. Such is Hollywood.

Freddy's apparent tie to the spy world leaves us with a number of questions.  Is Jason Voorhees a counter-terrorism expert who must kill young camp-goers to protect us from Al-Qaeda?  Is Michael Myers fluent in Web 2.0 concepts and technologies that allow him to befriend and murder teenagers to protect us from cyber-terrorists abroad? Has Valerie Plame starred in any slasher movies?  We hope the South Park writers will address these issues in future episodes of the show.  If they choose not to, we probably have an obligation to assume the affirmative for all of the aforementioned theories.  Life is all about finding patterns in the chaos and tweeting it for the rest of the world to see.  Finally, vindication for Freddy Krueger.