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How To Get Your Dog To Quit Smoking

Updated on November 28, 2012

If your dog has succumb to a habitual nicotine addiction or if you fear that one day he may slip down that slope, you ought to evaluate your life's priorities to see if you can find the will to take charge of your dog's life. In this article, you will learn how to get your dog to quit smoking. This is a call to action: you must lead him on the narrow path toward canine contentedness. You have no other choice unless you want a lazy, narcissistic friend who may end up keeping YOU on a leash.

The first thing you must realize is that letting your dog have free will is like letting a child have free will: they will each run wild with it, cutely, flamboyantly, and without regard for direction, purpose, or sustainability. It is your job to teach your child, or in this case your dog, that limits exist. Some of these limits are seen: things like not playing in the street, not chasing chipmunks, not lighting unsupervised fires. And these limits that exist in the present serve as conceptual boundaries for the future. Our children and our dogs will feel like life is less a prison if they learn from the beginning that invisible barriers keep us warm, safe, and emotionally stable.

At six to eight months, most dogs discover they can light fires. You may feel like you've got a miniature arsonist on your hands as several of his blazes burn out of control. But soon your dog will learn that fire is a tool and will grow weary and sometimes even timid of it. This is the natural order of the universe UNLESS you are unwise and introduce cigarettes, cigars, or other smoking products to your young apprentice before he reaches his timidity threshold. If you are reading this article, it is very likely that you were unwise, and now you are suffering with having a pup who has a nicotine addiction.

According to the American Dog Smoking Alliance, dogs who begin smoking tobacco products at a young age die approximately 36 dog years (5.14 people years) sooner than those who don't smoke. On the bright side, dogs who smoke have a lower frequency of contracting diseases such as The Rabies, West Nile Virus, and Eaten by Crocodile due to their relatively sedentary lifestyle. Rarely should these benefits outweigh the cost of a smoking dog.

The first step toward getting your dog to quit smoking is to make sure that he wants to quit smoking. Puppy isn't going to quit if puppy doesn't think it is wrong. So you must show him the evidence! Show him the statistics. Explain to him how hard it will be to find another puppy to love. Explain to him that you want to spend many years of your life taking care of him, and that you dread the thought that it could be cut short. Most of all, explain to him that roving packs of vigilante doggie do-gooders roam the streets at night peering through draperies looking to cleanse the streets of little smokies.

The next step is to get him interested in something else. Dogs love billiards and poker! They love opera and spaceships and cookouts and ultimate frisbee and finding just the right spot to poop in. Remind him of these things. Anything Pavlov can do, you can do better because you are alive and Pavlov is dead, much like your dog will be if you let him smoke. Use this life and imbue your puppy with life not just in body but also in spirit. It is your duty as a pet owner to be your dog's perpetually lit lighthouse. But be sure to remind him that even though a lighthouse may look like a giant cigarette, the fog that surrounds it is merely low-level clouds and not the crisp vapors of an colossal eternal stogie.

The final step is to stop buying him cigarettes or other smoking products at the store. Your dog probably hasn't yet learned how to drive, and if you live far enough from the store, it is *very* unlikely that he will have the energy to get a job, make money, buy a car, and drive to the store himself in order to purchase these harmful products.


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    • Winterfate profile image

      Darrin Perez 7 years ago from Puerto Rico

      Brilliant hub! I was laughing the whole way through! :)

      Great job!