Back in Time: Godspell

Bewildered and bemused from the sound of a telephone beckoning in the middle of the night, I reached over my wife to prevent an additional ringing sound, as she stirred acknowledging the potential of peril. It’s been my experience; no good news comes after midnight. Therefore it is the unspoken practice for me to answer the phone upon those occasions. I heard my son’s voice on the other end of the line. “Dad I need you.”

As I cleared the cobwebs and sleep dust from my eyes I responded “What’s up?” Without doubt, the truly terrifying Kubrick nightmare occurs when one is fully awake. “We got broken in to and beaten up” he replied. Confirming the situation I answered rhetorically “you need me there?” Sensing my state of confusion he rephrased the urgency of my arrival… “We got Home Invaded!” Trust me when I say the Parental Handbook is remiss on a chapter entitled the Home Invasion. In fact, the parental handbook is remiss in realistic totality.

Fully awake I caught myself before asking if everyone was alright; cognizant, I replied “I’m on the way.” As I alerting my wife and got dressed, my mind took off on its own trajectory. Remember when you were young and indestructible. The world is a formidable opponent and its precision shall counter like clockwork without conscience. Time, when measured by moments,forces us to become conscious of the frailty of that particular thought process. Not unlike physics, time is an accelerating moving object both sharing the characteristic of resistance.

In periods of trauma, time takes on the primary colors of red and yellow. The clockwork is orange, the amalgamation associated with horror and fearfulness. The healing process becomes a ‘Day by Day’ affair or as I have come to refer the recovery process as Godspell Time. The physical wounds will heal in due time. The emotional scars, we shall carried that baggage about for our lifetime; becoming part of our DNA survivalist make-up.

My impertinence towards waiting for green lights along the way elicited a cautionary censure from my wife bringing me back from my subconscious mindset. “I’m being careful Jen” as I loosened my tight grip on the steering wheel, feeling it as it recoiled. The short drive was taking forever. I slipped away into the recesses of my mind once again.

The obligations we make when measuring our lives in moments, are a summary of ‘who we were’ in this lifetime. It’s the vows we take while we search this Earth. Be it “to protect and defend the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic”; “to Love and cherish in sickness and in health…till death do us part.” The overwhelming joy of the birth of our children when we promise, “I’ll always be there when you need me’, (even when you don’t want me to be there).

The weight of the crown is heavy upon the head of the King…It’s the story which hangs heavy upon the soul of those whom temporarily possess the throne. It’s inherent with the inconsistency of an idealistic insight. We can’t protect our children from the tribulations of life. Sooner or later we come to the conclusion we can only prepare them for those evils.

Relationship Resistance is a time perception, which only makes the seconds feel as though time lasts longer. At the very least, it’s somewhat analogous to a good marriage. “It’s not the fact a married man lives longer so much as it seems longer” is an example of time’s inherent contradiction with the philosophical perception.

The commitment we make during trauma to a loved one is measured only in what can be delineated as Godspell time. These are the true trials which tell the integral story of who we were; they define our fleeting time while we were in the upright position. They are exemplified by a simple assessment of our word to whom we are dedicated; to see things more clearly, Love thee more dearly, follow thee more nearly…even when you don’t want me to; ‘Day by Day’.

The best we can hope for is they will be in a position to do exactly the same when the weight of the crown hangs heavy upon their head. That they don’t scramble for the handbook, that they trust their instincts, that they may keep their word; to See, Love and Follow. God, fate, time, Karma…It’s all of those things, yet really, it’s none of those things. As we arrived I recall my last involuntary thought.

Godspeed