Teenage Girls Dating: Approach with Caution and a Sense of Humor

Many of us have teenage daughters that are thinking about dating or perhaps have already started dating. It's so hard to believe! Where does the time go? Doesn't it seem as if we were just cuddling our precious daughters on our shoulders, inhaling the aroma of Johnson and Johnson's baby lotion and kissing their little toes? Those were the days of innocence and bliss. What a difference a few years make!

I was laying in bed last night, trying desperately to fall asleep, when a story about my teenage daughter started banging around inside of my head. I couldn't get it out of my mind, so as soon as I got up this morning, I had to jot it down. I decided that the only way to survive the formative, dating years is to embrace them, offer the most solid advice I can, instill a proper set of values in my beloved child and most of all, maintain a healthy sense of humor. It was out of that sense of humor that the following flash story evolved. I hope you enjoy it.

Kelsey, Model Year 2011: Take One For a Test Drive, If You Dare

It’s finally here, the Kelsey Model Year 2011, and this baby is loaded with special features! If you’re thinking about taking one for a test drive, allow me to give you a brief overview of what you can expect.

Kelsey comes with indestructible headlights and rear bumper. The headlights are equipped with a glow-in-the-dark, exploding dye that is guaranteed to encourage curious, Kelsey-loving boys to keep their hands-off, lest they get caught red-handed. Literally. The rear bumper is a highly contoured feature designed to protect the vehicle from sudden impact by bouncing the oncoming object into another time zone!

There are a few glitches with the Kelsey 2011 that prospective test-drivers should be aware of. First, Kelsey’s trunk, while spacious, is currently for looks only. In fact, it is booby-trapped. Okay, let’s focus here boys, the emphasis is not on the word “booby,” it’s on the word “trap,” as in, steel trap. In other words, if you try to place anything inside of Kelsey’s trunk, it will promptly slam shut, severing whatever appendage happens to be in the near vicinity.

The Kelsey 2011 is the only car equipped with its own automatic change machine. The manufacturer thought that might come in handy when passing through tollbooth areas, however, herein lays the second glitch. If you attempt to insert your bill into the dollar slot, it will be continually spit back at you. It doesn’t matter if your bill is crisp and new or old and tattered. There is currently no getting into this machine. Manufacturers expect that this glitch will be corrected in about five years. Their first priority is to create the first “smart” vehicle, one that not only makes the ideal companion on the road, but can also write the perfect English paper.

If any of Kelsey 2011’s special features should fail, she comes equipped with two highly evolved parental units that are on call 24 hours per day, 7 days per week and always willing to provide roadside assistance…to the car. The male parental unit has a PhD in science and access to a deadly array of neurotoxins that can be effectively used against anyone that mishandles this state-of-the-art vehicle. The female parental unit comes equipped with a stunningly rich yet profane vocabulary and no shortage of creative threats. She is tiny in stature, but packs a good punch.

If you are still interested in taking the Kelsey 2011 for a test drive, our luxury-car dealership is located in Madison, Wisconsin, just south of the beltline.