I'd like feedback on my Hub: Why I Will Never Have Another

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   nalicejposted 7 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Why I Will Never Have Another  "donated" Child (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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      TessSchlesingerposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Wow! That is quite a story.
      
      Grammar: i should always be I.
      
      Photos - pictures. You need to have your story to be visually beautiful and pictures do that. It also makes people feel more connected.
      
      Links. Link to people who did similar things to yourself or to psychology articles as to why you did what you did.
      
      You can also expand with why you indulged in immoral and unethical choices. Perhaps they are not considered immoral in your country?
      
      People like to know why you made those choices. You speak strictly from an emotiona point of view, but we are more than emotional human beings. We are also thinking human beings, and our actions (always) impact on society. In covering that aspect of your story, you give people more to think about. It passes from a good story to a fascinating one.

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         nalicejposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Thank You

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      Kylyssaposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      The title is too deceptive for them to ever publish it. It should be something more like "Why I'll Never Have Another Affair with a Married Man to Get Pregnant Again" instead of implying it's about a baby conceived with donor sperm and artificial insemination. The title has to match the contents of the hub or it won't pass the assessment.
      
      I think your story is fascinating and well told and that you are strong and brave to tell it publicly. You just need to give it a title to match its contents and follow the recommendations Tessa Schlesinger gave you.

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   sparkleyfingerposted 7 years ago

   There are a few things wrong with this hub- spelling and grammar are the first- previously mentioned is the i rather than I, but I also noticed words being used in the incorrect tense (Contempted) and also misspellings (dint rather than didn't or don't).
   
   The title is also deceptive, and I don't think it will really get too many views. Technically, it was not a donated child- so many people use volunteers to conceive, and do so discreetly and they write up contracts and no sex is had- it is usually done by insemination. The fact that you had an affair is more relatable to more people, so I think including it in the title would help draw readers in. "Why an affair of convenience will end badly" or " Why I now realise that I want an active father in my child's life.
   
   I also think that you skim over a lot of the detail in the story, and to refer to your child as "a kid" makes you sound a bit cold towards them. Also "getting a baby" sounds like you wanted a doll, and sounds a bit childish.
   
   You could break the story down down into sections - Conception, pregnancy, birth, affair etc. It allows you to expand more on certain topics while avoiding a massive body of text. It can also allow the reader to see how the relationship changed over time, and maybe even dive into what exactly you done to try and alienate him- and if it was so bad, why be confused when he doesn't want to know afterwards?
   
   A few pics would be good- maybe look at stock images for this rather than family photos. Perhaps even go on to explain the impact of things as you move on with your life.
   
   I do think that people like to read about the lives of others, so don't be afraid to share your story. If you are not great with spelling or grammar, try using a word processor program to type up the story and it should keep you right (usually)

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      nalicejposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      thanx

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   nalicejposted 7 years ago

   i must admit criticism is hard to swallow, LOL. Thanx a lot for your contribution, will definitely make necessary changes..

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      sparkleyfingerposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      We all need help, especially when starting out- if you look at some of my early hubs, they are quite cringeworthy! Best way forward is to learn from our mistakes(of which I mabe made PLENTY!) - in a couple of years of writing on HP you will look back at your early articles and feel the same way I do about mine. Good luck!

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