I Am Depression

I am depression. I have been living with depression since 2002. I have tried therapy, different medications and I still am depressed.

Depression is an illness. This causes someone to feel sad, down, tired, hopeless. Depression often runs in families. But sometimes it can happen to anyone. You can have depression one time in your life, or it can occur many times.

A lot of things causes depression. A serious illness like cancer, major events in your life that causes stress, like having a baby, getting divorced, even getting married.

Symptoms are different for each person. Some symptoms are: Trouble making decisions, sleeping and eating habits change, you lose interest in things you once enjoyed doing like walking the dog, playing with your grandchildren, complain about headaches and other pains, even think about death.

Treatment can include counciling, medication or both. Women are more likely to get depression than men, but men are more likely to commit suicide.

I have tried four different medications. This last one seems to be working. I am like dull, I don't feel a lot of pain anymore. But I still can't stand people. I want to be alone. I don't want to work anymore. I really hate going to work. A lot of times I try to figure out what I can do to myself to get out of work. I know that sounds bad to a lot of people, but you don't realize how bad I hate my job.

I don't want to do anything. About the only thing I like to do is be around my 2 dogs. They are so precious and cute. And my grandson is great, but I have times when I don't want to be around them either. I have lost interest in everything. I have a harley, I would ride all the time, now I don't care if I ride or not. There are days when all I can do is make myself get out of bed. Then there are days, more than not, that I get in a bad mood when I hear someone talk or I see the person. I can go from feeling ok to being in a bad mood at the drop of a hat.

The job I have I have to be nice to everyone and smile even if they are standing there yelling at me. Do you know how hard that is? I have come close, plenty of times, to yelling back.

My doctor gave me a number of someone I am to call for counseling. I haven't called yet. I must make myself do that sometime soon. I just hate the thought of going to someone and talking.

I was told to start a journal, write down my feelings. But I have so much running through my mind that I try to write them down and lose the thoughts.

Well, now you know why I am depression. If you have any of the symptoms I have or others, please contact your doctor and get help, especially if the symptoms have lasted more than two weeks or if you feel like you want to hurt yourself and others.