One Way to Relieve Stress

John was having a really rotten day at work, since the boss had just given him a butt chewing for slumping sales statistics. He was sitting at his desk stewing in his own juices when he remembered there was an important phone call he had to make to a Mr. Dan Simmons about a new account. Digging through the mound of papers in front of him he searched for the slip of paper he had written the number down on. He found it and dialed. "Hello?" answered a male voice.

John identified himself and asked if he could speak to Mr. Dan Simmons. The phone was immediately hung up. “That was really rude” John thought. Thinking he might have dialed incorrectly, he looked up the number in the phone book. Sure enough, he had.

After taking care of business with Mr. Simmons, he spied the slip of paper with the wrong number. John redialed the number and when the same person answered again, he angrily called him a “S.O.B,” and promptly gave the same courtesy he had received earlier by slamming the phone down.

After the bad day he had been having, that act apparently blew off a little steam because he began to feel better. He wrote S.O.B. on the slip of paper and stashed it in a desk drawer, just in case he ever felt the need to blow off some steam again. As it so happened, he used the number every few weeks or so since he had a high pressure job. He’d call and when the man answered would holler, “You’re an S.O.B.” into the mouthpiece and hang up. It always made him feel much better.

Not long afterwards, the phone company came out with caller ID. John wasn’t too happy about that since it would put an end to his method of relieving built up stress. “Maybe not,” John thought. “I could use an alias!” John made up a fake name and decided to call again. He would introduce himself as Thomas Johnson.

"Hello, this is Thomas Johnson with the phone company. I'm calling to see if you’d like to add caller ID to your phone service. "No!" the man yelled and hastily slammed the phone down. John quickly redialed and screamed, “Well, you’re a S.O.B.,” and hung up.

A few days later, John drove to the mall. While searching for a parking space he spotted an elderly woman backing out of her spot very slowly and taking a long time to negotiate the maneuver. Finally, after what seemed an eternity she managed to back out and move on. When John began to pull into the empty space, a red Thunderbird coming from the opposite direction suddenly zipped into it. The driver sprinted out, seemingly oblivious to John’s irate protests.

John contemplated what had just happened and concluded the world sure had a lot of S.O.B.’s in it. It was then John saw the “For Sale” sign in the Thunderbird’s rear window. He wrote down the man’s name, "Joe Harris," along with his phone number and continued to find a place to park. Now, John had two phone numbers he could call and he was fed up with being treated so callously.

John suddenly had a brainstorm. He called the man selling the red Thunderbird. After a few rings, someone answered. He asked if he was the guy with the red Thunderbird for sale. The man replied in the affirmative. "What's your name?" John asked. The man replied “Joe Harris.”

After getting Joe’s home address, where he had the Thunderbird parked, John asked Joe, “Can I tell you something?” “I suppose so,” Joe answered. John hollered, “You’re an S.O.B!”

There was a moment of silence on the line then Joe asked if he was still there. “Yes, I’m still here,” John said. Joe asked, “What’s your name pal?” obviously getting hot under the collar. John calmly answered, “My name is Thomas Johnson and hung up.

Next, John got out the other S.O.B.’s phone number and called him. He answered, "Hello." “Hello yourself, you S.O.B.,” John bellowed.

“Why, if I ever find out who you are, I’ll kick your butt!”

“Well, my name is Joe Harris,” John said, then proceeded to give him Joe’s address. Well Joe, I’m on my way over there right now! The conversation was over. John drove over to Joe’s to watch the fireworks.

Author’s Note: The above story is pure fiction. I hope it brightens your day.