Taking The Anti-Depressant Celexa Did Work For My OCD, My Bipolar Disorder Not So Much
There's Something In My Kool-Aid
Or perhaps it's my psychiatric medication...I think this medication called Celexa abducted my brain and hid it somewhere, because ever since I began taking it I haven't had an once of sense. I cannot remember a single thing. I do however remember I am taking it for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. And I do remember I am bipolar. Wow not bad! Nothing much else though. I am trying to form a proper sentence here. HA! I mean I am forgetting simple things, not complex things like designing a new model airplane or a new house, that seems easy.
I am talking about my social security number, my phone number, the last sentence I just typed, you know things like your NAME?
Example: I am on the phone ordering something like cable TV or pizza, I can't remember the details. The person on the other end, whatever her lovely name was, asked me for verification of my name, okay I got that right, my address was a little perplexing, it took me a minute or two of pondering. I seriously could not remember my apartment number. Then she questioned my phone number, like hello you have it already why do they have to ask twice? It took me even longer to put that together, but I eventually muttered and it came out.
Then the kicker. The last for digits of my social security number. Complete darkness rushed over me. Silence. Um yeah I spit out a couple numbers, of course they were incorrect. A few more numbers. Wrong. Okay I was feeling a bit like an identity thief now. Actually stupid is the right word. I scrambled to the drawer to get the social security number clearly written on my card. She thanks me and inquires if I want the confirmation number, hell no! I already have a fully developed information blockage, keep your blasted confirmation number. Thank you anyway.
It's Not All Bad, I'll Just Start Again
I am totally uneasy about now. And I am sure the lady taking my cable order, or was that pizza thought I was a bit rude. I am not able to process anything since taking this insipid little white pill. It is like gazing off into the sunset. I am standing motionless inside my head reaching for something, reaching, but not nimble enough to grasp onto it.
The words dart by to fast to connect. I am getting use to people looking at me like I am some kind of idiot. Me staring with my mouth agape because I can't articulate a simple answers. A medication that helps my OCD, turns me into my 19 month old baby. Goo Goo Gaa Gaa. It isn't pretty to look at I am sure. Because It isn't exactly dreamy being on the receiving end. So I am a slobbering numb skull, or a neurotic anxious bipolar geek counting, checking washing moody as all hell just because a medication works on one tiny part of my brain.
So I have been doing an exhaustive amount of thinking. Contemplating no medications for a while, to see what might transpire. Clean my entire system out. Okay that lasted for about 20 seconds. If I went off meds I might as well jump off a really high bridge. I see my psych doctor next month, I will say goodbye to Celexa then. Meanwhile I will continue to figure out what's in my kool-aid.
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