The Significance of the Non-Invitation and How and When to Crash a Party

The Non-Invitation

The point of most Parties is to
Not Invite people.

Although you might think this
went out with Junior High it hasn’t.

People will spend thousands of
dollars to NOT invite people to
their functions.

A perfectly suitable venue may
be free to members of an
organisation, but that does not
mean functions will take place there,
especially when NON- nvitation is the goal.

In many cases the event is such
one would rather clean the
bathroom than go, however
in a few cases one Has to Attend
or else Lose Status.

To Crash


Time is significant in a Party Crash. For some events, coming early is the key.
One becomes almost the semi-official Greeter and is seen by the vast majority of
persons who assume one is of a particularly exalted level to be so ‘appointed’.

Of course, as soon as one is seen by the Host giver it is time to leave. One
usually wanders out, stopping to make their good byes to various persons
saying something like; “I have to go, I have another function to attend”,
which lessens the status of this function.

Arriving late is useful in that by this time the function is at mid point if not over.
One apologises to the most highest ranking guests still on the premises, saying
that one was at another function. This, again lowers the status of this one as you
choose to go the other first.

What one must never do is arrive anywhere near the time the function begins.

How To Dress



It is never wise to be dressed too elaborately to a function one isn’t invited to. It is an embarrassment, as if one is begging acceptance.. One should wear something almost casual, so that it doesn’t seem they even intended to go.

For weddings, wearing a business suit is as far as ‘dressy’ one can go. One should be able to walk out of the function and onto a bus without anyone taking a double look.

Afternoon functions can be even more casual, for when people try to insult you or destroy your status by omitting you from the guest list, you retaliate by showing up in what might be considered ‘insulting’ garb.

Not that you wear rags or dirty things, just that you are totally not dressed for a party.

The Aftermath

Your purpose is to return the insult you have been paid.
You can do this in two opposite ways.

One, by making it clear to all and sundry that you have not been Invited and don’t mind a bit.

Two, by Crashing the function.

If you decide to Not Attend because you have Not Been Invited, make sure everyone knows that you haven’t been invited. Treat the function and your omission as a joke. Savour it.
Make not being invited sound like a seat of honour.

If you decide to Crash, make sure you dress down so that they can talk about you; “Imagine, I didn’t invite her, I didn’t want her there, and she shows up in that old outfit!”

Make sure you tell everyone you can’t stay because you have an important function to attend, and if you get near the buffet take the most expensive items then leave, even if someone invites you to stay.

When you Crash a function and then are invited to stay, the entire purpose of your action is thwarted, so leave quickly.

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