Addicted to Sex
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An addiction is a problem most today face, which comes to you in many different forms and can change your life dramatically if a true fix isn’t sought. For many this addiction can be drugs, alcohol, cigarettes; or sex but I will mainly focus on the sex as this is a subject rarely discussed yet more and more couples are being caught up in the middle of the deceit a partner can bring to the relationship if nothing is done to change it.
Yeah, most of us who have had sex know how good it can be if you ever came across the sort of lover that aims to please, and does so successfully. That mind blowing, breath taking type of sex that has every inch of your body shaking and every hair standing up to attention in salute for such a great roll in the hay, and also keeps you speechless for minutes afterwards as you try to regain your composure; or wonder when you can go at it again.
Yes, that sort of love making is worth bragging about, but then the fire dies down, the passion fades and one of you is left behind wondering what happened. Certain circumstances can steer you away from the closeness and desire you once had for your partner and that is sometimes when the problem begins. You see the partner that experienced such great surges of pleasure is now desperately seeking it elsewhere. You may not have expected it to happen, but it does, and then you find out your lover is not only addicted to sex, but cheating on you every chance he/she gets to get that thrill.
The lieing now begins, and the nights at home alone are becoming more and more frequent as the other goes out on their sexcapades, all the while you are home completely clueless; and worrying because they don’t answer the phone when you call or text them. The last thing you want to do is think the worse, but these nights are becoming more troublesome, and you are trying your best to be understanding. Problem is the clues are now evidently clear.
If not clear enough, you are at least catching a few of the signs but evidently overlooking them because you somehow want this relationship to work and still see yourself as committed, but let me at least make it clearer. A sex addict can be easily detected if they exhibit any of the following signs:
- Compulsive masturbation
- Multiple affairs (if in relationship)
- Unsafe sex
- Phone or Computer Sex
- Consistent use of porn
- Prostitution or the use of prostitutes
- Exhibitionism
- Obsessive dating through personal ads
- Sexual harassment at work or otherwise
- Molestation or rape
- Voyeurism
The term sex addiction is used to describe a person who has a distorted and obsessive sex drive. They think about sex all the time and can’t wait for the next encounter where they can take such high-risks, and soon don’t even care about the consequences of their financial or relationship status. All they desire is to get that next fix, but they can also seek help if need be. They can make excuses in a heartbeat about the why’s and sometimes can even blame the partner for their need to go elsewhere, but it is totally their problem. Only they can want to change, and no amount of arguing or pleading will ever change that.
If you are involved or know of someone who is involved with a sex addict help them seek help. Sex addiction doesn’t necessary make a person a sex offender, but it does ruin one’s life just like any drug or alcohol addiction. The person you are involved with suffers, and then there’s the risk of STD’s, which in itself should be highly regarded, especially if the one with the addiction has a spouse and children at home. Treatment in this sort of behavior focuses on controlling the addiction and helps the individual live a healthier sex life.
With treatment you can get counseling for family/marital issues. Individual counseling and support groups with 12 week recovery programs just like AA/NA. If any of the treatments above fail or you need that extras assistance they also have certain medication which they can prescribe for obsessive compulsive disorders and can sustain your compulsive nature, like Prozac and Anafranil. Like I mentioned before this is a treatable behavior, may take some time, but help can be obtained if you truly desire it.
- SexHelp.com - Sex Addiction
- Sexual Recovery Institute :: Sex Addicts
The Sexual Recovery Institute provides Southern California with treatment for sexual addiction, cybersex, sexual affair, sexual compulsion, infidelity, anonymous sex, compulsive masturbation, sexual arrest and more.
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Really fantastic hub, deff a one to bookmark !
Great hub
I know I am a sexaholic - but I like it darling x
love
This is a great Hub, but IMHO, what is missing is the back side of the coin. It is much more common to have a couple that while one is sexually 'normal', the other can be the total opposite of such 'addiction' and only be 'available' to please &/or appease their partner. Beyond that, there is the problem of both being reasonably 'normal', but one wants (or expects) certain 'pleasures' that the other may not and even consider them deviant &/or perverse. In either case, these situations tend to promote the broader-minded partner to seek those unfulfilled desires elsewhere. Any mismatch, sexual or otherwise, can drive a wedge between even a strong and very loving relationship. Resolving such differences, bedroom or not, may be a lost cause. Pairing a Carnivore with a Herbivore is a no-win situation. No matter how great the union, if he takes up hunting while she goes to an animal rights meeting, the marriage is doomed; since it's rare for any pair to really know each other completely when the initial commitment is made. Let's face facts: All marriages are a voyage of discovery and many times, what we discover.... can sometimes be a shock AND a prime reason for the union to dissolve. So it's not JUST one partner who wants more sex (than considered 'normal'), but it's more often one who wants a lot less to a point of rare or zero.
Sex addiction, in my philosophy, is a perceived need to feel Wanted. It becomes a self-validation, outside of yourself. It can actually try and validate itself as an act, attaching itself to a perception of love.
Why not simply practice Wanting Yourself, your pure Inner Self that is already filled and abundant with Joy-- and Love?
Sex with obsession is a misinformed expression of Inner Self (or "soul"). And it is derived from anticipation and expectation.
Next time a temporary and obsessive act of sex occurs, try experiencing the act purely in the present, moment-to-moment-to-moment, with no expectation; and make mental note of what perceptions may shift inside of you. It should shine some Light on what the true nature of the act is, perhaps altering your value of it.
Love is not exclusive to Sex.
Thank you for sharing-- and much Light to you!
While this piece was written for someone going through the motions of having to deal with it, I am very pleased with the rating and responses received in all perspectives. Therefore, I do appreciate the responses from all and thank you wholeheartedly for taking the time to read this hub and voice your own opinions. To Alicia Phillips, I just hope you have sense enough to be safe while being a sexaholic, this was not intended to point fingers but to emphasize the dangers and the heart ache it brings to those who love and need sexaholics like yourself and hope its not just briefly. Thanks again everyone for the comments,and stay blessed.
Nice hub, you get down to details.
Very informative and clearly states what is sexual additiona dn how it affects the person.
Just to add up on to your hud.
This person can jeopardize the life of his spouse his own family and kids and others as well as his/her own life.
This right here "Compulsive masturbation" describes 95% of the human male population. My opinion is I think your terms for describing a sex addict are too board based. But otherwise, interesting hub!
Sex addiction i think is a very serious matter, and it affect ones health and wealth which could lead to other life affecting consequences. I think you have written an excellent hub, and this subject is not talked about alot, and you have done well to bring it to the fore.
Some people resort to using RX drugs to fuel their addiction! I've seen it happen. They mix drugs then us viagra or something to keep them going. That is not good.
Great hub, Also been there-done that-got Help. So Speaking from my mistakes If you know you have a problem or someone that you care about does, get them some type of help.
Thank you all, keywc58, GMiah, Viagra Man and Mike D for your input and ForexCashBack yes masturbation is something 95% of the male and lets not leave out women do on a constant basis. However, with a sex addict if you just finished having sex with your partner and still feel the need to self stimulate yourself further afterwards that is a sex addict. There is a difference and masturbation is something everyone experiments with and enjoys. Its just human nature.
what is sex ?!!
great hub
It's all about the psychology of man or woman. We enjoy what is forbidden! Great share :)
Where oh where and how oh how does one reach U Alicia durling?We're two of the same kind..Believe me we cud ignite a passionate fire together..Just say hello Babes..Leave the rest to me!!!
Wanna Taste Me Alicia..Cannot wait to get inside Ur Pant(ie)s!!!
Mwaaaaaaaaah
What do you say constitutes sex addiction? Guys think of sex a lot. I can't speak for women but my guess is... on average... not so much.
Is sex addiction once a day or is it the NEED that makes it an addiction.
The problem I have is the labels can get overwhelming for the simple fact that you now have an excuse to point at. Just a few thoughts. Great article by the way.
I hope this addiction is covered in my health plan.
Great hub! Thanks for the information :)
Excellent post! I really enjoyed reading it. I will be back for more!
Good one and thanks for sharing
You provide VERY GOOD information so nice to meet you dear
I used to be addicted to sex but it miraculously cured itself when I hit about 50.
Excellent hub article!
relationship1013 if you must ask I must respond. :) Yes, the norm is men think about sex a lot and let me speak for some women by saying we do as well. The point here is when its too much in mind that you can't have a sit down dinner without running to the bathroom to release some stress, or be so obsessed with it outside of your own relationship that it becomes a problem. Face it if being with every man or woman you find attractive is a must then being in a monogamous relationship will never truly be for you unless you are willing to change or the person you're with shares the same feelings. If they do then great but if not it totally isn't worth hurting someone because the addicted person can't control themselves. Everyone else again I say thanks for taking the time to read this hub and place your comments.
great article
Excellent hub on a difficult subject! Nicely written! Thanks for sharing.
So, if one's partner gave them oral sex before marriage, then stops at marriage, who is the deceiver?
Very informative. Thought I knew alot about this topic until I read your hub. Thanks.
Love Addicts Anonymous illuminated the tight link between the sexual and the emotional dimensions of compulsive and addictive activites and thoughts appearing. The therapeutic community is intimately aware of the evidential support for this link.
As a member of SLA, I can say it is a real condition. Mine was from neglect and emotional abuse as a child. Like any drug, one strives for that high. Physiologically, orgasms are transquilizers and the emotional adrenaline is an internal form of self medication. It can lead to dangerous situations. Like a junkie or an alcoholic, you need a bigger jolt, a harder hit. At the peak of my addiction, I was merely getting a few hours of rest per day. Speeeding on coffee and over the counter stimulants to stay awake. Having been stationed between New York City and Philadelphia, I could get my fix at any time. One woman simply wasn't enough and I sought out uninhibited bisexual women with like condition to feed my addiction. Eventually, it affected my interpersonal relationships. Hiding my lifestyle as a compulsive sex addict became more difficult to control. It was an amazing mathematical probabilty that sooner or later I would either contract a desease or become another statistic. I avioded both. Fortunately, I sought professional intervention, both from The Air Force and another from SLA. Like most addicts I still struggle from time to time but I am in control and it does not control me.
Informative hub, thank you.
I think there are many people who could fall on the fine line.They enjoy sex so much and maybe their partner is busy with other things.The strong desire may be because lack of interest in other areas.There are so many sources for porn today compared to years ago.It is real easy to get lost in fantasy and reality.nice hub.
Sex addiction is a huge problem these days, especially with all the visual stimulous provided by the media (of erotic and/or porno kind). Some people decide they find it normal to feel over-sexed all the time, might even be proud of it. One thing I have learned though, is that strong sex motivations do come from un-observed problems within self, simple as that. Biologically, feeling horny is just a sensation, and it can become a bad habit if that feeling is connected with constant fantasies and objectifications. Fortunately, the cycle of lustiness/release, which in fact is far off from a deep sense of peace and serenity, is something that can be broken with help and guidance. In some ways, everything is a matter of habit. Good hub one2recognise2.
Good Work, a difficult subject to cover, some many variation, of what one might call an addiction in Sex. Sense very few will except that as an illiness, or that they have reached that level emotional release. Even though It was designed for a greater purpose, I'm sure we allowed a little room for experimental expression, dont you.
I think it's natural as long as we make it with somebody we love.
Sex addiction is surely something that is serious enough that warrants in depth research and study by the medical professional. Often time, we came across breaking news from the celebrities circle of so and so were addicted to sex.
I think the recent news about Tiger Wood's personal life may be closely related to sex addiction.
Interesting post
Great hub
Great hub
hmmmm very good hub lots of information
hmmmm very good hub it contains lots of information :)
Just to focus a bit more on how dangerous it could be on your physical health by inreasing the possiblity of contagious deseases , also on your mental health where some ppl become crazy.
I was trained by international sex addiction specialist Patrick Carnes in January 2009. It was a very enlightening experience and took away a lot of my expectations and judgments. What you did not include is that there usually is some sort of childhood trauma that is what starts all this. It need not be huge to be traumatic to a child. Yet it changes the template in the brain.
The arousal template in the brain completely changes for an addict. Internet porn literally changes that immediately upon viewing. With that bar being raised the addict needs more and more even risky behavior to get to the arousal.
It is a sad fact that many addicts are out there not only harming themselves but their closest loved ones. These are not perpetrators or pedophiles. Not that they can't at some point go to those risky behaviors. Younger and younger conquests.
Read Patrick Carnes books if you have questions and need information, he is brilliant and dedicated to this work.
self stimulation after sex is common in the sense if the partner doesnt satisfy you the way you wanted and it cannot be mentioned as sex addiction, there is no other option to reach climax and everybody has their own perceptions about sex which is not simply satisying them, perhaps some thing more than that..
Pleasure reading :D
MMMM... I love sex as much as someone can and too my knowledge from partakers responses am pretty good between the sheets or in the kitchen or on the floor in the living room or.... well you get it. Never has anyone cheated on me. Not a once to my knowing of course. If you cheat on your partner, that is all on you, not because he/she makes you _____ repetitively. I like the hub though. Just tired of people making excuses for cheating. Cheating is for the weak and dishonest, not for people who crave sex.
thanks for sharing one for us....good post
I think this is an excellent hub. Not everyone thinks of sex as an addiction these days nor do they realize the effects it has on their relationships. 2 thumbs us on this one!
Sex drive varies from one person to another. I have a very high sex drive but none of my ex-girlfriends complaint. It's important to look for a sexually compatible partner.
addiction is a mostly problem of the today's youngsters.
the effects of addiction:
Heroin- Brain cells can become dependent (highly addictive) on this drug to the extent that users need it in order to function in their daily routine.
Alcohol- Alcohol impairs judgment and leads to memory lapses. It can lead to blackouts.
sex- i don't know.i would like to ask question from "one2recognize2" what are the bad or good effects of sex.
this is a good hub. so many people don't talk about sex and therefore could be naively in a harmful relationship with a sex addict. effective way to bring attention to some warning signs.
Very good hub, makes you think about all differnt aspects of life.. keep up the great hubs.. Feel free to check mine out. Happy New Years
Hi everyone, and again I am very surprised with the responses received on this one particular subject. Let me get one thing straight if in a relationship, love and sex goes without saying. Yes, you want to please your partner and be pleased as well in the process. My bringing this subject to light was due to a personal experience a friend shared on the subject. When having spontaneous sex with your partner that's fine its expected, the issue with being addicted to sex comes into play only when the desire is sought outside of the relationship, with multiple partners, no protection and no worries about STD's. If you want to be promiscuous and cannot commit then you shouldn't. A commitment is shared among two consensual individuals, not the two of you and the many others you crave for to fulfill a desire for sexual pleasure behind their back, be it as described above or thru self-stimulation or porn. It becomes an addiction when all you do is think about having it morning, noon and night. It becomes a problem when your child turns on the computer and a video of two individuals pops up automatically, and its a problem many face but just never truly talk about it due to shame or embarrassment.
As a recovering sex addict myself I can say that this addiction is up there with the worst of them. Those caught up in the middle of it will make excuses for their behavior, will build a wall around themselves to block out those they hurt and tell themselves that they are doing nothing wrong. With that wall they cut off those that love them and their secrets hurt the ones they love.
Though I never physically cheated on my partners I was addicted to internet porn and chatting. The shame I felt for my actions burned inside me and when I was caught I'd rebel against my accusers. I lashed out with blame and anger at the ones I had hurt and then turned that pain inward and hurt myself even more. This is a mental disease like any other and the physical thrill aspect is only one part of the distortion in thinking and the ritual aspects of the disease itself.
It takes a sort of extraordinary reprogramming through vigilant observation of ones thoughts and mindfulness to gain control over the addiction itself and constant reminders of the triggers of those thoughts. Sex should be healthy and never deviant. If your partner is uncomfortable with your advances then you have crossed a line. If your partner is aggressive with their advances then they are crossing the line with you. Sex is not supposed to be a twisted act of depravity but an act of joining, it should be a union between two people.
I want to thank one2recognize2 for writing this hub. It is good that it is brought forth to the public eye. So many of us want to forget about such things and keep them private but that is part of the problem. You see anti ads about cigarettes, drugs, and drinking... but never about sex addiction. It is a taboo subject that people don't want to talk about in the open. I applaud you for doing so.
Food,drink,sex,shelter are called physiological needs from Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Addicted to sex is extrem condition,it is like a deviation of sex (parafilia). People who have this habit as soon as possible go to a psychiater or a psychologist to get the proper therapy.
I'm addicted to writing and I cant help it.
Nice Hub. Bookmarked
To Cow Flipper and the rest of the readers who have experienced this addiction I'd like to personally thank you for taking the time to share your ordeal with us, and commend you for seeking the help you needed to get a grasp on it.
one2recognize2 thank you for writing about it.
silk_9090 says:
2 months ago
This is a shame for a person to have to go through this kind of situation, especially when you love the person %100. You try to give them your all, but they still insist on hurting you over and over. I am currenlty going through this situation where as mines has all kinds of website such as "tagged" , OBC "online Booty call". I have to put keyloggers on all my PC and caught mines having different conversations with FBI agents that were married with kids, etc... Not to go to far, but this acticle is perfect of those like myself that are going through situation. and I really would like to Thank you author for this very nice acticle. Thank You once again. Silk_9090