American Football Scandals

You are here, not because you love football, but because you love scandalous gossip. So, if you were looking for scandalous game calls or almost-wins, you are out of luck. This article is focusing on the scandals surrounding football games and football players. Unfortunately, I can’t cover all of them here, but I’ll get to the ones that are most gossip worthy.

If this hadn’t happened during the Super Bowl’s Half Time Show, it might not have been such a huge ordeal. After all, who really cares about seeing Janet’s nipple? Apparently, a lot of Americans do. The outrage was due to the fact that her nipple was obscene. Parents around the country had to quickly cover their children’s eyes (because they’ve never seen nipples before…remember that breastfeeding is not all the rage in the U.S.).

“Oh, Tommy! Cover your eyes! That’s it, no more football for you. It is much too obscene, oh, how shocking. I’m going to call the FCC and lodge a complaint. Now you be a good little boy, and run off to play your video game: Killer Blood Gore III. Let’s see if you can break your record on how many bad guys you can shoot to pieces, okay dear?”

Cheerleaders Have Sex in Public Restroom

Two Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders got caught having sex together in the bathroom of a dive bar. So, why did they get in trouble for it? I’m guessing some guys were pissed off they didn’t get in on the action, so it became a scandal. Do you think there would have been as much press coverage if it had been a football player having sex with a cheerleader in a public bathroom? Or, maybe they were just pissed that it wasn’t two hot chicks having sex…that’s right, a lot of the news coverage included commentary on the nose of one of the cheerleaders.

Anyway, both cheerleaders were charged with disorderly conduct and battery, plus they were kicked off the team for violating a code of conduct.

Okay, this is what I know: football players were on a boat with alcohol, gambling, and strippers/hookers. The four players involved were charged with misdemeanors, but I bet their wives and girlfriends charged them with a lot more.

Well, what exactly happened? This is what I’ve garnered from the many news stories about this event (because the media wasn’t covering other, less-important stuff happening in the world, like war and ethnic cleansing):

Daunte Culpepper supposedly got a lap dance from a naked woman (!), and he grabbed her bare ass with his hands. Fred Smoot held a double-headed dildo. Can you believe it? Oh, yeah, and he also used it on two of the naked women. Bryant McKinnie put a naked woman on the bar and performed oral sex on her…in front of other people. Hey…sounds like he’s a giver. Bill Clinton might learn a thing or two from him. Oh wait…later in the evening, McKinnie was seen receiving oral sex. I guess he’s into reciprocal action. Moe Williams also got a naked lap dance, and grabbed the dancer’s bare boobies.

Don't worry, I'm sure there are plenty of American football scandals ready to be made a big deal out of. After all, what is the point of the sport if it can't be scandalous?