5 Things Men Shouldn't Say On a First Date
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Whether you’re single, divorced or going on your first date ever, there’s a certain etiquette you want to follow in terms of what not to say to a woman on a first date. You may think everything is going swell – you might even think Jane’s ready to see you a second time. And you may be right. But if you say one of the following phrases, don’t be surprised when she changes her phone number.
- My ex is a real *****
Women call each other the B word and it has a slight sting. But, for some reason, when men say it, it sounds really venomous. And depending on whether or not your loathing for your ex comes through in your voice, it can sound shockingly forceful. You don’t want a woman you’ve just met to think you have that in you. Even if it’s only on a subconscious level, she’s going to wonder if you’ll be talking about her the same way some day. Which isn’t a flattering thought.
And don’t you for one minute think I’m a lightweight, either. I talk like a sailor and the B word isn’t a problem for me at all. But that doesn’t mean I want to hear a man use it on the first date. If you want another reason, I’d say men use this word way too often, and use it on ANY woman who does something they don’t like, whether she was deserving of the term or not. Makes me feel like I’m watching an internalized temper tantrum – which isn’t a character trait I’m looking for in a man.
- I’m never getting married again.
I’ve had men say this to me on first dates. Maybe they just didn’t like me, and were trying to let me know I wasn’t the one. I tend to think it was more because they didn't know how to express themselves very well. It also screams bitterness. And if a man is so bitter he has to proclaim this on a first date, he’s got baggage I don’t want to open. Don’t use this line until the subject of Y’all Two marrying actually comes up, ok?
- I’m ready to start having children.
I had something like this said to me recently. Partly a come on, partly a sincere statement that the man wanted to start having kids before he got any older. I suppose this might appeal to some women, but for those like me – who would only consider children under the best of circumstances – it’s a little scary. I’m sure he spoke of other things the rest of the night, but that’s all I could remember. Fortunately, I was able to forget his phone number, so it worked out alright in the end.
- How do you want to split the bill?
If you have the balls to ask this question, put your all into it, cos it’s the only time you’ll ever be asking it of me. I will not see you twice, if you do. I don’t care who invited whom to dinner, I don’t care if you think chivalry is dead, I don’t care if you’re completely socially inept and have no skills whatsoever, there will be no second chances.
The man pays for a first date. Yes I can pay for myself. I might even pay for you sometime. But not on the first date. If you don’t like this idea– go find you a nice femnazi who has loathes her femininity and has a bizarre need to show you her money works as well as yours does. I’m not that insecure. I want a man who knows how to treat a lady and if you aren’t him, so be it.
- You remind of me of my ex.
I’ve heard this from several men over the years. I don’t care if you have high or low regard for your ex, don’t compare a new woman to your old woman. Women like to feel special. We like to feel like we’re the only one you would want. We don’t want to be reminded of anyone who came before us. Would you? No, probably not. I realize a first date can be nerve wracking and you might say one of the above phrases out of nervousness. If this happens, just correct yourself. If you call the ex a bad word, say you're sorry and tell your date you shouldn't have said it. If you do it right, you'll still seem normal enough for a second date.
xx Isabella
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Hehe, thanks! And I like yours too!
So true! All of it!
You make me laugh.
Hi Isabella
I like what you have said keep up the good work
Amelio
U r the best. i like that part of the 'splitting the bills and u remind of my ex' thought i really dont know what B means.
Otherwise keep it up my dear.r u great and thats good work.
R
Thanks Ren! :)
And thanks Amelio! :)
And thanks Robin, too! :)
Profanity ought to be a no-no when we meet anyone for the first time, leave alone a date. Unless you can carry it off with a style of humour, of course.
Great hub, in your unique writing style, thanks!
Yes, with humor its ok - but you gotta be good at it! :)
I have to deliberately talk dirty, if I want to. If I be natural, I am absolutely safe. At least in this matter. My dates have had other things to complain about me!
Hey, nice info!
I have a question to ask. I have asked a few people and i'm getting some conflicting advice. I am supposed to be meeting up with a woman in about a week for coffee, and I thought it would be nice to bring her some flowers. I have seen her on and off for a few years, and have never brought her flowers and thought this would be a great oppertunity to do so. Some of my friends tell me not to, and a coffee date isn't appropriate for flowers, meanwhile others tell me to put myself out on the line and show her my romantic intent with flowers. I'm not certain of what to do. She is the one who asked me out for coffee. I seen her a few months ago as well when we both attende a convention...
Any advice you can give me would be great.
Thank,
Bitten
While we wait for Isabella to reply:
Giving her flowers will send a message. Your friends may be right about coffee dates being inappropriate for flowers, but isn't romance more about madness and less about logic?
Go with your instincts, brother; my best wishes are with you.
Great advice Isabella, 1 more tip that is sure to put anyone off on a first date is either party saying the three words I love you, run for the hills if this happens, you have found a clingy one who will turn green with envy if you are even 100 yards from a member of the opposite sex. have fun..........jimmy
Great hub, Isabella. I guess my favorite compliment, "You don't sweat much for a fat girl!" is unacceptable on a first date? Funny stuff, Isabella.
My new ex told me early in the relationship there were a lot of similarities between me and his ex [the first woman he fell in love with]. The real kicker is that he spent the entire relationship seeking out time to spend with her, but couldn't commit to spending time to me. Plus, he bought her a ring for Christmas at the end of July, yet had only ever bought me food and two books. When I mentioned it was a bit odd he was buying her Christmas present in July, especially as it is a ring, he tried to eventually make up for it by buying me clothes and an anklet.
I learned my lesson. Don't continue to date a man that would rather have fun with his ex-girlfriend than his current girlfriend.
Kenny - LOL.. you must mean "dirty" differently than I commonly think of it. ;)
Bitten Once - I'd have to say not this time on the flowers thing.. a day time casual meeting is not the best time for that, and it might freak her out if she isnt considering it a date.. if it goes well, offer to pay for her coffee instead.Good luck!
Jimmy - Oh, yeah.. that's a bad one, lol, good addition!
Wajay - Thanks :) Yeah, I'd pass on the fat girl comment.. even if shes skinny. :)
Ellie - Oooh.. what a tosser!! Glad youre rid of him!
Great Hub Isabella!! For those of us who have been single by choice a long time AND are still asked out on dates often, it reminded me of soooooooooooo many that I never want to see again!! One "gentleman" asked me out for dinner and dancing, nicely, politely a few weeks in advance and I accepted!! He called the day before to confirm!! Nice!! At the end of our conversation he said, "Oh by the way, what are YOU preparing for dinner and I AM bringing a toothbrush??" . . . . .
Click
Blessings, Earth Angel!!
How come I did not see this hub yet?
Funny enough, I find myself in agreement with Kenny once again :)
Several of my latest dates (at the times I was actually dating) where pretty straight forward. Magic words "I wanna f**k you" at the carefully chosen moment after a fair amount of alcohol was consumed made wonders :D
@Bitten
I'm with Kenny on this, too. If you really want her - go ahead - girls DO love flowers no matter what they say. And don't stop there then, don't let the impression just dissipate, pursue your goal actively....
Hey, Misha, you'll get me in trouble with most women I know, if you say you agree with me, and then say that your 'magic' words work!
Mom, are you listening? This gentleman didn't mean me when he said that. He only meant that he agreed with me on the second thing! Mom?
OK, may be not that literally on the first one :) I should have misread you... Mom, are you listening? :D
And those words did work for me pretty good LOL You just have to pick the right moment... Ah, memories...
Thank you, Misha! It's great to have such memories than none at all!
I usually never repeated dates with men who pull out lines like "I wanna *bleep* you" within the first month of knowing them.
This hub is definately a good read, Isabella you're amazing.
Earthangel - Wow, I can't believe that happened to you!!!!
Misha - Well.. yes, but maybe not during the first 5 minutes??
Kenny - LOL.. its ok, we believe you!
Gamergirl - Aww! Thank you!! :)
Isa,
Sure. A fair amount of alcohol in her blood is essential for the success of such an approach, and five minutes are way too short time to reach the necessary levels :D Give her at least half an hour ;)
Shet! I've been saying those things for the last 3 years no wonder why they don't call back! : (
Good tips... but I bet there are loads more you could probably add! :)
Either I must be really OLD, or I have lived under a rock somewhere, because sometimes it truly stuns me that people actually SAY the things I sometimes hear and read that they say.
Misha - Shame on you!! ;)
Johnny - Now you know! ;)
Denmark - Yep, people truly do.. ;)
I stay ashamed :redcheek:
But it works :P
Now I know how to get rid of the psycho ones! j/k.. Great posts! Isabella, I've had a lot of fun reading your posts. It's funny how people find your posts so fascinating when most of it is common sense. You're the best. Take care!
So he asks you out but doesn't think you're worth the tab? Forget him! You know that even the cheapest man would pay for dinner if he was going out with a supermodel.
Flowers at coffee? Hmmm....seems like it's unbalanced. How about a single flower!
working
Veronica says:
13 months ago
"How do you want to split the bill?
If you have the balls to ask this question, put your all into it, cos it’s the only time you’ll ever be asking it of me."
EXCELLENT! I love it!
Thanks for reading my hub - it lead me to yours.