Will I Ever Get Over Him / Her?

Going through a break up can be extremely painful. Dr. Phil (well known TV personality and psychologist) compares a break-up to that of a death stating that one needs to allow themselves to grieve in order to move on.

Many feel like they will never be able to love again after the ending of a relationship while numerous friends and family members turn to comforting them with words such as ‘you’ll get over him’ or ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea. You’ll forget all about her soon enough”.

The question is, is it possible to ever completely get over someone?

There are:

• ‘Flings’ where you may be with one person for a few weeks (or even days) before moving on to the next
• The friends with benefits relationship where you may not be officially dating or at all monogamous (sometimes a deeper connection is formed then with a fling due to many reasons)
• The long distance relationship where you may not see each other often but still be involved
• The serious relationship where you're dating for a few months but are monogamous
• The long term relationship where you’re together for a long period of time

The first few relationship types (flings, friends with benefits and the long distance relationship) may be easier to move past in comparison to the last couple of relationship types (the serious relationship and the long term relationship).

The main focus here will be on the last couple of relationship types with regards to whether or not you can actually get over someone.

The term ‘getting over someone’ as a notion is debatable

The above term is often used interchangeably with forgetting about a particular person but is this at all possible?

The truth is that after a valuable relationship has ended your feelings for that person don’t just go away.

As the saying goes, when you love someone, you will always love them. If you are able to stop loving them, then you never loved them to begin with.

You found something attractive in that person when you started dating; whether it was their cute smile, their sense of humor or their personality. These thoughts and emotions don’t just disappear and you’re always going to feel this way.

If you don’t see the person ever again (depending on how long you were together and how much time you spent together) there are still going to be a lot of things that might remind you of, and cause you to think about him/her.

How do you move on?

The way forward and probably the action people often confuse ‘getting over’ or ‘forgetting’ with, is accepting the situation and the ending of the relationship.

Once you have come to terms with the fact that you will no longer be with your ex and that the relationship has come to an end indefinitely, then only can you move on.

As previously mentioned the feelings will never completely go away but you will open yourself up to love again (eventually).

When you move on you don’t completely forget about the other person because that’s not physically possible. You merely come to terms with the ending of the relationship and move forward in aim of something better.

After a break-up

For many people the hope that they will one day be ‘over’ that one person they care so much about is what keeps them going after a break-up. It’s what gives them hope that there are plenty others just like him/her out there and that the break up means nothing. When it becomes evident that those feelings will never completely go away life can become unbearable unless you accept the fact that the relationship is over and that although you still have feelings for the other person you need to move on.

The feelings may fade as time goes by and you may accept the circumstances but the fact is you will never completely be ‘over’ your ex.

Have I moved on from my ex?

This is a better way of looking at things. I would consider the below points a major indicator that you have successfully moved on from your ex:

• You can think about your ex being happy with someone else and genuinely feel happy for him or her
• You do not long for your ex or hope to rekindle things in the future
• You do not have a constant hope or belief that you will one day be together again

Relationships end for various reasons. A "forever" can quickly turn into a "right now" and a book can turn into a chapter.

It is okay to think fondly of someone you once shared your life with. It is okay to reminisce on memories if they pop up or you are reminded of your ex in some way. We are human after all. It is important too however to acknowledge and recognize when something is over, find closure and move forward with your life without wasting your present living in the past or hopeful for something that will never happen.