Explaining The Importance Of Wedding Colors To My Beloved

When I was planning my wedding, like many brides, I tried to get the groom as involved as possible. However, every time I asked for his opinion, he would usually answer by questioning the purpose of everything from flowers to suits to weddings themselves. Not very helpful.

Choosing a color scheme may seem trivial, but any bride knows that the color palate ties all aspects of the decorations together. In response to my groom's lackluster opinion of the topic, I penned the following response to prove my point.

To My Betrothed,

I understand that planning a wedding can be dull and uninteresting, especially for such a great mind like yourself. However, your input is not only appreciated, but vital in many circumstances. Like you, I’d much rather spend my time playing beer pong and constructing aquariums for plastic fish, but alas somebody has to do the planning, and if I’m going down I’m taking you with me. Isn’t that what marriage is all about?

Let’s start with the issue of wedding colors, since that’s what is on your mind these days. You claim that you do not care one way or another, but yet you keep vocalizing your ideas/shooting down every other combination—except one. Let’s get something straight; Syracuse Orange and Carolina Blue are just not going to happen. Like an owl in the night, you need to release that from your mind and move on (I have no idea what that metaphor means, but it sure sounds pleasant).

Your input is imperative on this particular issue because you refuse to wear a tuxedo. I’m on your side, a tux is far too stuffy and dressy for an afternoon spring wedding of two Good-Time Gals like you and I (sorry for calling you a gal, Good-Time Persons doesn’t have the same ring to it). However, this decision opened up an entire world of which I’m not fully familiar: men’s suits. I grew up in a household full of military uniforms and golf polos, so unless you want me to pick some fantastic color combination based on Andy Cohen’s wardrobe on Watch What Happens Live, then we’re out of my area of expertise.

I’m not asking you to choose the colors of flowers or tablecloths (I shudder to think that I have to make these decisions); I’m asking you to choose a suit/tie color so that I can coordinate the <potentially awful> bridesmaids’ attire. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

In spite of my cold-hearted, anti-girly exterior, I have a deep love for the color pink (if you didn’t know that, you need to check out my prom photo and act like you knew). If you leave things up to me, I am very likely to try to put that gorgeous body and man-beard into a ruffled pink leisure suit (isn’t that what all the kids are wearing these days?), not out of spite, but out of ignorance. Since you’ve worn a suit once or twice, I shall continue to defer to you…whether you like it or not. Now, let’s play nice shall we?

Saying “yeah, sure” to you was probably one of the best decisions I made on the day you proposed (although that sandwich I ordered later is a close second), and I’m all about making the next 9 months as fun and painless as possible. You are free to vent/discuss any hiccups or nightmares we encounter along the way on your blog, but don’t expect me to sit by silently. It’s like Oprah once said, “a solid relationship is built on open communication and the occasional public eye roll.”

Ok, I’m sure Oprah never said that, but her name really adds credibility to the BS I like to spew every once in awhile.

With Eternal Love and Devotion,

The Bride