How To Stop Putting Everyone Else First
61Do you have trouble saying no to others? Do you feel like you have to do everything you are asked, so you don’t make anyone mad at you? Are you tired of feeling like you are a door mat? If you keep putting everyone else before yourself, you are going to end up burned out and worn up way before your time. Here are some tips for putting yourself first for a change.
How often do you put yourself first?
See results without votingImprove your self-esteem
The first thing you have to do is work on your self-esteem. If you are allowing others to come before yourself in an unhealthy manner, more than likely you suffer from poor self-esteem. You probably feel like they deserve your time and attention more than you do. Or maybe you feel like they are better than you, for whatever reason. These are signs that you need to boost your self-esteem.
Stop using others for your measuring stick
Do you tend to measure yourself against others? And when you do this, do you always seem to feel like you are well below them? These feelings are, again, indicative of low self-esteem. Stop measuring yourself against others. You are a unique individual, and cannot be assessed by others’ accomplishments or endeavors.
Learn something
If you have trouble relating to other people without feeling inferior to them, try asking yourself what you can learn from them. What is it about that person that makes you want to do things for them, or become more like them? If this is something that would make a positive impact in your life, then try emulating that. Be cautious, though, not to try to become just like everyone you meet. You don’t want to be a carbon copy of everyone else—you should be YOU.
Be proud of yourself
The most important thing is to learn how to be proud of yourself. Speak up for yourself. Show off and use your talents as often as you can. There is nobody like you. This world needs you in it. Be proud of who you are.
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Comments
LOL! I think women in general have a tougher time with this than men do. I'm sure she feels much more comfortable with you, which is very much a compliment. ;)
Great article. I agree, women have a harder time with putting everyone first, but things can get easier if they follow your steps and also remember that they are #1!
You, by far, are my favorite writer, blogger, hubber, or whatever you may call it.
I am at the lowest point in my life right now.
For months, I'm in this roller coaster ride of joy and sadness. I have been trying to figure out what was wrong in my relationship with my girlfriend. And as I read your articles, I realized, that this is exactly what she has been telling me all these time. That I'm giving her all of ME and not living anything for myself. And this is why she feel so suffocated at times.
She told me so many times that I need to stop making my world revolve around her but I couldn't see that because I thought this is the part of her wanting to break up. All I could see is the "idea" that I'm in love with her not realizing she's concerned for my own well being as well.
Thank you for this insightful and eye-opening article. It is a wake up call indeed.
Marck, I'm so glad you found this article helpful. This is why I write....to help others. You've made my day. :)
Yes, but what if you don't have low self esteem?
I have trouble putting myself before others in my family because my elders deserve respect and the younger ones need to be cared for; I seem unable to speak my mind to them because I don't want to offend anyone; I find myself giving up parts of my life so that my elderly grandfather is cared for and my younger brother can focus on his studies (I went through college and know how stressful that can be).
I know and have been recognized as an accomplished singer, I write and paint and sculpt, I have people who routinely request that I bake things for them and it is rare that I am not asked if I can make someone a costume for Halloween. Because I enjoy these things I find myself unable to say 'no' - even when I'm pressed for time. I overload myself trying to make all the little one's costumes, or make a dozen batches of fudge for all the coworkers who asked if I could, and taking on singing in and helping with many different choirs.
I feel immense guilt for leaving my grandfather alone while I go to the grocery store. If I have to spend a day running errands I worry about him all day long. And I won't even talk about the stress that is building when I think of all the long hours of overtime I will be putting in during the holidays.
How does one learn to stop feeling guilty? How to be assertive without raising the ire of their family? How to say "no" without feeling like a bad guy?
Very good question, Jenni. The guilt will be there until you practice saying no MANY times. Are you a firstborn child? If so, that could explain why you are this way. As a firstborn myself, I can attest to the fact that this plays into that feeling that you have to do everything for everyone and smile, whether you want to or not.
As for the family issue, you have to realize that you can't say no and it *not* tick someone off. They're going to get mad, because they're used to you doing whatever they want. But they'll eventually get over it. They have to understand that you have a life, too. And if they don't get over it, well...they're loss. That's how you have to look at it sometimes.
jim10 says:
11 months ago
My wife has this problem. She lets everyone else walk all over her. But, of course she doesn't have the problem when it comes to me. I guess I must give her high self esteem when I'm around.