Hubbers Against Maple Syrup (HAMS)
76I know I can't be the only one. Even though I have never in my life met anyone else who hates maple syrup, I must believe that I'm not alone. Perhaps somewhere in the HubPages community live my true brothers and sisters?
How it all began
I grew up eating a very steady, nutritious diet of oat or rice cereal with milk for breakfast. No sugary cereals, no fancy hot meals, no bagels or donuts, just a bowl of crunchies. A banana or strawberries cut on top was pretty exotic. My morning routine was quick and easy, and didn't smell like anything at all.
The first time I remember having breakfast outside my home was the morning after my first sleepover party. We had stayed up late the night before in my friend's basement, playing "Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board," telling ghost stories, eating candy, drinking soda, and having a good old time. In the morning, I and all my jammied girlfriends stumbled upstairs to the kitchen, experiencing our own brand of kiddie hangovers. My friend's mother was frying something at the stove.
"Pancakes! Pancakes!" my friends cried as we settled around the kitchen table. I had never heard this word before. Before I could finish the thought of "What is a pancake?", plates of the things were before us all.
Then it happened. There was a sickly, sticky-sweet smell in the air, that grew stronger and stronger. I realized the smell was coming from a dark brown substance oozing out of a bottle shaped like a woman (?!?!) and onto everyone's plates. Gobs of it. Rivers of it. Oceans of it! My friends were eating it! ARGH!
I don't think I threw up, but I may have blacked out and forgotten that part. The smell, and the feelings of sickness and shock that ran through me, will haunt me until I die.
Growing up in fear
I spent the remainder of my school days living in fear of this thing called "maple syrup". Even the thought of it could turn my stomach, and somehow, I managed to transfer my aversion to maple syrup's cousins, honey and molasses.
I avoided diners and pancake houses like the plaque. Just to be on the safe side, I discounted not only pancakes, but waffles, omelettes, breakfast sausages, crepes, and hash browns without ever trying them. They were, in my mind, all tainted by association. There were no maple or home-made candies I would touch. No honey got within 10 feet of my tea. I would have sworn off ginger snap cookies if anyone had told me they were made with molasses.
College changes everything... almost
Thank goodness for college, and for the wonderful, supportive friends I met there. They didn't get me over my maple syrup phobia, but they did let me know that you don't have to put maple syrup on hot breakfast food. I was 18 years old, and the thought had never even crossed my mind. Sheesh.
Oh, the freedom of waffles with strawberries and whipped cream! On Sundays, the dining hall staff would make you an omelet with anything you wanted in it, and nothing you didn't! Oh, choice! It made me brave. It made me creative. And in my creativity, I found the method of my revenge.
Cheesy-egg pancake suprise
I am a strong, confident, independent woman now. I can walk right into a pancake house and sit down in front of my table's syrup trolley without a second thought. I can do this, because I have a secret weapon against the people next to me slathering their defenseless breakfasts with the evil spawn of the maple tree. It's called cheesy-egg pancake suprise, and in my humble opinion, it's the best breakfast there is. The only requirement for this method of revenge is that you need to love ketchup as much as you hate syrup. If you do, read on. If you don't, please don't hate me for what I'm about to relate.
Order up a nice stack of pancakes, scrambled eggs with cheese, and some sausage. When the food arrives, spread the butter on the pancakes, or scrape if off, depending on how decadent you feel. Slice all the pancakes into bite-sized peices, then do the same for the eggs and the sausage. Dump everything together and mix thoroughly.
Now here comes the revenge part. Make eye contact with the syrup-slatherer you wish to gross out. They're probably already watching you with some trepidation. Grab your table's ketchup bottle, give it a good shake, and squeeze ketchup aaaaall over the pile on your plate. Show your enjoyment of this activity by catching the last drip of ketchup with your finger and licking it off. Then dig in, and relish in the cheesy, eggy, sweet goodness of your creation.
Your syrupy audience will (hopefully) be shocked by your unorthodox use of condiments, and you will be strong in the knowlege that you have a breakfast habit that weirds people out as much as you're weirded out by syrup. And even if nobody notices, you're still going to have a great meal.
Into the future
I will always hate maple syrup. I don't think I'll let my kids have it, at least not in my presense, because I wouldn't be able to stand them touching me with their sticky fingers. I've relaxed the ban on honey and molasses a little, enough to enjoy honey-mustard sauce and to use molasses to bake, but that's about it.
I have found, through struggle and experimentation, my place in the breakfast-food world. It's a strong place, and a yummy one, but I'm all alone in it. Won't anyone join me as a member of HAMS?
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Comments
Hee! 'Fraid I am not a HAMS sister either (though I don't like Mrs. Butterworth's either - all that high fructose corn syrup, yuck - the real thing is vastly superior), but thank you for the laughs!
Thanks for your support, girls! Glad we all had a chuckle over this.
Good one, annemaeve. Next breakfast we have out together, I'm ordering pancakes and I'm going to drown them in maple syrup. I think I've earned that privilege!
Yum i just had breakfast but I can smell the syrup from your hub. I'm not a fan of maple syrup, preferriing fruity ones....however, I did eat maple flavored sausage links and loved that. still maple syrup smells better than it tastes and draws me near the table where I manage to scarf down other food...
good write. annemaeve! I picture us all around a table...yakkin' the hub table. ha marisue
I would have to say I'm a HAMS by choice.
Sally's trove, I seem to follow you and Trish around with your comments. I figure if you've read the article I might as well also. ha
marisue, I noticed that too. And it goes the other way. I know I'm following you and Trish around, and annemaeve, as well!
Well, annemaeve, looks like you got your first HAMS-sister.
Yeay, I have a sister! I love the idea of sitting around Hub table. With everyone's excellent recipes, we'd never be able to stand up again...
Marisue, you can I can be at the end of the table farthest from the syrup containers, and I'll just pretend your fruit syrup is ketchup!
Sally, you can drown your pancakes in whatever you want. I'll be at the table on the other side of the restaraunt, waving. :P
LOL you gals crack me up! Anne, you had me with the pancakes, sausage, scrambled eggs and cheese, even the ketchup! However, you lost me when you said mix ALL together,,,,,ugh! Yes, I know it all goes to the same place, but somehow the mixing of it, welllllll,,,,guess maybe I shouldn't knock it till I try it, right? :)
So, please Anne, just consider me 'half' a HAMS sister LOL
Growing up the only way I could eat eggs was scrambled with ketchup. I have since graduated to eggs all ways (except poached, ugh), and I rarely use ketchup on my eggs, even though I enjoy the taste.
Yes, it seems we 3 have become a sisterhood of some sort,,,wasn't there a movie with the same or similar name? Might just have to watch it. It would be very neat if we all could meet and do just that! Go out for a HUGE breakfast, then take in a movie :)
Sounds like a plan, Trish. I promise it's good, I promise! I think I have an obsession with mixing. If all the bites of my salad, taco, burger, soup, whatever, don't all taste the same, it confuses me. I guess I'm easily confused! :P
Anne? I think the point of having different things on your plate is that you can know what each tastes like, and enjoy the merits of each. but who am I to preach? lol
Whatever floats your boat sweetie!
ly, Patty
Very funny! My wife could be a charter member of your club.
I think we've started something....hmmmm a virtual hub table....sounds like its going to get interesting around here! Here's to sister hubbers everywhere.
My mother was very careful as a sighted person, to not let her food touch each other on her plate. When she lost her eyesight at 39, (I was 11) we kept the habit for her out of respect. I would fill her plate like a clock -- meat at 6, veggies at 3, potatoes at 12, (bread at 11 -- teasing...) and I would always include the remark...."None of it's touching, Mom." 'course, once a blind person get's thru with their plate...the no touching rule sorta goes out the window...but we never mentioned that to her. ahhh food hang ups, ha guess we've all got them, yes? More examples tho as in my "getting kids to eat right" post -- of not forcing kids to eat things...even us grown ups are picky, yes?
lator, gator....Marisue
Funny hub! The only problem is that the sticky stuff oozing out of the bottle shaped like a woman is not maple syrup - it's, um, breakfast syrup? I don't even know what they call it, but it's not from a maple tree. LOL!
You haven't had maple syrup until you've tasted the champaign of maple syrups from Quebec here in Canada. A couple of drops on a made from scatch pancake or waffle...yum-yum-yum. It's a shame you're missing out on so much good.
I enjoyed your fun hub though...sorry...no sister here
regards Zsuzsy
Zsu, there are pockets of great maple syrup production, and I know Quebec is one. Another, not so well known is Ohio. I happen to love maple syrup. But I'd be up for a bout of slinging foodstuffs around the virtual table.
Apparently, maple syrup brings back all kinds of memories. Love this thread!
Very funny hub!! I love breakfast foods, but tend to be on the side of omelettes and hashbrowns, and not sweet pancakes or waffles. But its probably because I'm diabetic... not because of syrup phobia. (great comments too.. BTW!!)
I do not like this club called HAMS. I will not join for Trish or Anne. I will not join although a fan. I do not like this club called HAMS.
Sorry, I couldn't resist. I loved this hub, but I love maple syrup more I guess. I am not opposed to the ketchup idea either, but nothing is better (to me) than a big fluffy stack of pancakes smothered in butter and syrup!
Gee, I think I've gained 5 pounds just reading this stuff....eeek!
for those worried about sugar...an ad on the page sent me to sugar free maple syrup...the real deal.
Marisue
I love it here.
Marisue, I like your habit with your mother, it's beautiful. I really enjoyed reading your hub about getting kids to eat right! I guess I didn't realize that the adds on this hub would endorse the very thing I most fear... twisted! :P
Blogger Mom, I suspected that the plastic bottle lady wasn't the best quality, but she's got no mapleage in her at all? Interesting. I can't say that I'd hate the high quality stuff less than the fake stuff, since technically, I've never gotten past the smell to taste any of them...
Zsuzsy, I know I'm missing out on something that people love so much. But really, I'm doing you a favor, because now there's more for you! I remember in elementary school we went on a field trip to a maple syrup farm in Pennsylvania. It was October, the weather was crisp and perfect, and I liked the metal buckets hanging on the trees, as long as I didn't get too close to them.
Steph, thanks for your kind words. I'm experimenting with sugar-free oatmeal cookies for a friend of mine, and if I can make the recipe fantastic, I'll share it here!
Rhym, you are too, too much. My mom and I were talking hubbage last night, and she reminded me that my dad used to make "green eggs" by putting herbs into scrambled eggs. He never did anything with ham, though. I respect your choice of syrup. I'll just hide while you and all our syrupy friends enjoy yourselves!
LOL Funny hub! But I must admit, I am not a HAMS sister, either. In fact, I absolutely LOVE even the smell of it! I burn Maple Scented melts in my house and all I can think about is smothering a plate of pancakes or waffles with its rich goodness! I know that probably grossed you out. Sorry. It is a very vivid subject LOL. Great hub!
Bonnie
Ohhh all those word-picture smells... but what's life without a little adversity? Thanks so much for the comment, Bonnie.
I definitely understand where you're coming from. Pure maple syrup is offensive. I lived in Canada for many years and always felt like an outsider looking in when friends would take us to what they call "sugar shacks" - little touristy restaurants near the maple groves that serve EVERYTHING drowned in syrup. It always failed to impress me.
However, I'm not a HAMS because I gotta have my Aunt Jemima on pancakes. She knows how to do maple better than the trees.
annemaeve,
No sister here girl, at least not in that area. The sweeter the better for breakfast I must say. The only thing better than syrup on your pancakes and french toast is lots of melted butter and brown sugar! Ketchup for breakfast you say? Not on your life, my stomach would simply revolt! Wow, maybe I will make pancakes for dinner tonight!
Hi Sapristi!, thanks for sharing! I love how this hub has brought out everyone's passions about breakfast choices.
In The Doghouse, I'll forgive you for loving syrup, because "breakfast-for-dinner" is one of my favorite dinners ever! Mmmmm... have you had a breakfast corn dog? It's like a real corndog, except instead of a hot dog with cornbread, it's a sausage link with pancake batter... and dipped in ketchup...
I'm going to the store. :P
Mrs. Butterworth's I love it. Pure home grown maple syrup I hate. We have a yard full of maple trees that we could get pure maple syrup from.
Hi moonlake, thanks for your comment. Many people who know me know how I appreciate the processed foods (ketchup, salad dressing, frozen pizzas) and can't understand why I don't like the proccessed, sugary goodness of Ladies Butterworth and Jemimah. I don't fully understand it myself sometimes. The brain is truly a magical thing!
OH MY GOD. I honestly thought I was the only one who actually had a phobia of maple syrup.. my friends/family torture me with it. UGHHHHH. I am glad to not be alone. I honestly hate it more than any other food. It ruined going out to breakfast for me...
You are certainly not alone, Jessica! Shame on your family for rubbing in all that sticky yuckiness. You need to find something they find foul to love and enjoy in front of them for revenge...
Maple syrup, and not that Aunt Jemima crap but REAL maple syrup, is actually far less sweet - it has a very distinctive flavor and is meant to be used SPARINGLY. It's an accent, not the meal. Funny hub though!
Thanks gamergirl, and I respect your appreciation of the true maple syrup. The real stuff is on my *hit list, too, though. :P
I'll join your club. Don't get me wrong, I love maple syrup. Problem is, I'm diabetic. If I can't have it, it must be outlawed!
Works for us! We're not picky... and we're not sticky, either!
Well...to be fair, that crap that comes in a bottle shaped like a woman is NOT maple syrup. It's maple flavored corn syrup and like you...I LOATHED it on my breakfast plate as a kid. Instead I would sprinkle a bit of sugar and butter on my french toast and that worked just fine.
Then...I moved to New Hampshire and had REAL maple syrup. Ohmygod yummy. A big difference!
To this day though...I will NOT ever, ever, ever eat maple flavored corn syrup. I will turn my nose up at it and demand the real stuff or no stuff at all. I guess that makes me a HAMFCS...which is not really as cool as HAMS sounds, but there ya have it.
Spryte, thanks so much for stopping by! I'm glad you appreciate the "real stuff", but it's just not for me. That's how I love my french toast too - lots of butter and powdered sugar! Yum!
This was just plain hilarious. Not that I mock your suffering, because a high-browed fellow like myself would never sink so low if there was any chance of getting caught. I chuckled all the way through this thing. We all have odd tendencies like that, as has been mentioned. I LOVE maple syrup, myself, but I insist it be heated, and in addition to it, I eat my pancakes and waffles with peanutbutter. Both, together (oh, and butter Mmmmm). Yum. Damn, now I'm hungry.
Shadesbreath, I'm so glad you were entertained! I have certainly put my weirdness out there for mocking, I don't mind at all. Butter AND peanutbutter together? On anything?? Wow. I'm impressed. Have fun glueing your tongue to the roof of your mouth!
Lynnsie Cain:
I have "Never Met a Maple syrup I like. icccccccckk
Welcome to HAMS, Lynnsie!
There's absolutely nothing wrong with having your own likes and dislikes for food, annmaeve. Even if it means disliking maple syrup. You sure do have an interesting history with the stuff. A very entertaining hub!
Your fan.
Mon.
Ha! Having Googled to see if there is a technical term for syrup phobia, I stumbled upon this. Thank goodness I am not the only one :-). The smell, the flavor, the texture, the sight of syrup makes me ill to think about.
How exciting! My hub is the first hit when you google "syrup phobia"! I love technology.
You are certainly among friends here, Jennifer. The closest phobias I could find were: "cibophobia", fear of food; "iophobia", fear of poison; "blennophobia", fear of slime; and "geumaphobia", fear of taste.
I wonder who you write to to get a new phobia named?
working
skatoolaki says:
4 months ago
Wonderful, good, fun this hub was! I truly enjoyed it and though I am saddened to admit I am not a HAMS-sister, I can certainly appreciate your phobia as I have a similar, unexplained fear and loathing of mayonaise (*blech* **yuck**).
Thanks for the smiles and enjoyable read, and best of luck in living a happy and syrup-free life! ^_^