I often see women asking the question: How can I show my husband I love him? Typical responses seem to include things like sending him love notes and making his lunch. Some people will suggest getting in shape and dressing well for him (great ways to make him feel good, actually!) but there is far too little information regarding what your husband really needs from you.

I hope to address this issue in this article, without directly forcing you to purchase a book on the subject of marriage or go to a seminar. I will recommend a few books for you to read if you feel inclined to do so, and would be thrilled to engage in intelligent discourse with you about the books in question.

But first, I want you to know what your husband most desperately needs from you.

Your husband needs to know that you respect him. I know, I know, the concept might seem foreign to a lot of women. "Respect?" you say. "What's the big deal about respect?" But you see, men and women are, contrary to popular cultural belief... different. We don't think the same, we don't act the same, and we don't respond the same to similar situations. We always will be different, no matter how much society wishes to make us similar and equal. So indulge me for just a moment and take a look at what is important to a man.

Men need respect. Respect is vital to a man. For a woman, love is like oxygen. It is a living, breathing need for us. We will fall apart, or complain, or withdraw if we are feeling unloved. Men are the same way, except that their need is for respect and they will often withdraw from us when they don't feel that they are respected.

Additionally, men equate respect with love. They see your respect for them as a sign of your love. When you approach your husband with a proclamation of your love for him, he may be completely unphased. If you try telling him that you respect him, however, you may see a pronounced difference in his reaction.

There are several things that you can do that will help your husband to feel respected by you.

Appreciate him.

I personally feel that men aren't nearly appreciated enough! I am a truly blessed woman: My husband has, in the past, worked two jobs so that I can stay home with our daughter. He has encouraged me to home school in the future and he works hard five and sometimes six days a week in order to ensure that our bills can be paid. He sacrifices time with his family and time that he could spend doing what he really loves (golfing).

Your husband will feel both appreciated and respected when you tell him how much it means to you that he supports (or helps to support) your family. His work is something that is very important to him and it means a great deal to a man when his woman respects and appreciates him for everything he does for her and their children!

Admire Him

This one is a little bit tough for me. When I first started to explore respecting my husband and what it meant to him, this word popped up rather frequently. I could never quite determine what it meant! For some reason, I was stuck on admiration of physical qualities. What did I like about my husband? I admired his bald head, but I wouldn't want to have one. I think the gap in his teeth adds character but I wouldn't want to have one. I love his solid muscles and his sturdy frame, but I'd rather be soft and curvy.

So what do I admire about my husband? Let's see... I admire the fact that he is an excellent cook (I am not!). I admire him for his dedication to continuing education and increasing his knowledge. I admire him for knowing when to say "enough is enough." I admire him for doing the best he could as a single dad for so many years. I admire him for his artistic talent. I admire him for his perseverance in spite of adversity. I simply admire him.

Adore Him (in a Human Sense)

This may look different depending on your individual circumstances, but your husband thrives on your adoration. Do you greet him at the door when he arrives home from work? This will show him that you adore him (and therefore that you love him). Do you take the time to give him a shoulder rub after a particularly difficult day? Do you take the time to spend "shoulder to shoulder" time with him (as he would with his guy friends?). Do you suggest activities for your family that you know he enjoys (golfing, fishing, etc)? Do you ever give him his space just so he can relax without worrying?

Ladies, like it or not, he cares about how you look. If you weren't already aware of this, I'm sorry to be the one to bring bad news. I know that we tend to think that men should think more like we do and therefore shouldn't worry about their partner's appearance. They should love us whether we are fat or thin, made up or plain-faced, dressed to kill or wearing our bathrobe. And they will love us regardless of how we look. But they might not feel respected if we don't make an effort to take care of ourselves.

My advice to all women is to take the time to shower every single morning. Don't do it at night, but first thing in the morning. Get dressed, every single morning. Put on your shoes, fix your hair and makeup, and dress for him. If you are a housewife, fix yourself before he arrives home from work and meet him at the door.

And if you're overweight (like me), put some effort into shedding some pounds. Just your effort will mean a great deal to him! Every man wants a wife he can show off!