Assertiveness Techniques! Learn and practise these techniques to stop others from manipuilating you!

• Just knowing about assertiveness is not going to help you.
• People are NOT going to change their manipulative behaviour just because you tell them - "I am assertive now."
• YOU have to change your non - assertive behaviour to stop others from manipulating you by learning and practising :

1) Asserting Negatively :

• Do not feel guilty, defensive, upset or threatened about making a mistake.
• Accept your mistake promptly : "You're right, I have made a mistake. I am sorry. I'll try not to do it again. I am prepared to rectify it."
• Paradoxically, those who cannot accept criticism easily can also not take a compliment graciously and without feeling anxious and awkward.

2) Broken Record:

Persistence is the foremost thing to learn in being assertive:

• Calmly keep saying the same sentence again and again. e.g. "No, I cannot do it." Or "I want to do it."
• Do not raise the voice and remain without anger or irritation.
• Do not offer any explaination, excuse, justification or reasoning for your "broken record" statement.
• It's your persistent broken record vs. his "NO" or his "demands."
• The message is - "I am not going to be put off - I can do this all day - no matter what things you say."
• However, set limits to your assertive behaviour with a judge, policeman or robber.
• The opponent's behaviour after the broken record can be -

@ He gives in, or

@ He is more assertive than you, or

@ He offers workable compromise.

3) Compromise ( Workable)

• E.g. "I'll not refund the money. But I'll give you another piece."
• Accept or offer workable compromise, if the last goal is not compromising your self respect.
• If self-respect is being hurt, then there must be No Compromise. (Very, very important)

4) Disclosure & Free Information :

• Receive simple clues by a person in a social situation as a free - information.
• Pick up free information and build up the conversation on it by offering voluntary self-Disclosure.E.g "Hello, I am Johny. I am from Austin. I am from IBM." (Free - information)

"Oh! IBM! My friend is working in quality circle." (Self-Disclosure)

• Gradually start accepting and disclosing your own negative aspects.
• This is one of the most potent methods to accept yourself as you are and to initiate and enjoy a social conversation.

5) Eye - to - Eye Contact :

• A confident body language is most important for any assertive talk.
• Eye - to - Eye contact is the first requirement of a confident body langauge.
• People will not take you seriously if there is an assertive talk along with a nervous body language.

6) Fogging :

• Learn to become like a fog:
• Appears solid, no visibility.
• However, things can go through.
• No hard surfaces for any rock to bounce back from.
• Not to deny any criticism.
• Not to get defensive.
• Not to counter - attack.
• Do not try to read motives behind other's critical statements. Just follow the statement on their face value and fog it. E.g. "I see you dressed again shabbily."

"That's right, I am dressed in my usual way."

7) Go further : and ask for detailed critical statements :

E.g. "What's more wrong about what you are criticizing ?"

• "What else is bad about...?"
• This shows you are not put off by criticism and you genuinely want to improve.