Forward That Southern Humor

Everybody loves a good joke and there’s plenty to be found on the internet. When someone runs across a few good ones that illicit a good laugh, they naturally want to share them with friends, family and E Mail pen pals. So, they get forwarded to everyone in their address book. Here are a few recently sent to me under the category of Southern Humor:

• A Florida senior citizen drove his new high powered sports car off the sales lot. Taking off down the road, he decided to test it out. As the speedometer needle rapidly climbed to 80 mph, the old man was impressed. “Amazing," he thought as he floored it and watched as the needle quickly rose to 120 mph. An alert Florida State Trooper pulled in behind him and hit his blue lights and siren. Realizing it was all over except for the screaming and hollering, he pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. The trooper walked up to the Corvette looking at his watch, and then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you can give me a new reason for speeding I've never heard before, I'll let you off with a warning.” The old man thought a second and replied "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.” "Have a good day, sir," the trooper said, turning back towards his cruiser.
• A Sheriff pulled up next to a man who was unloading garbage out of his pick-up into a ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage here, don't you see that sign?" "Yes sir,” he replied. "That's why I'm dumping it here.” The sign read “Fine for Dumping Garbage."
• A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
• A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait for assistance. A passing motorist’s curiosity was aroused as he studied the scene and he decided to find out what was going on. The motorist turned around and went back. He asked the man what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." “I can see that,” the motorist said, "But what's with the flowers?" “Well,” the man explained, "The driver’s handbook says when you break down you’re supposed to put flares in the front and back of your vehicle. I never understood it neither."
• "How to Install a Southern Home Security System”

1. Buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo and four giant dog dishes.

3. Pin this note on the door:

Billy Bob,

Me, Virgil, T-Bone, and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and a gallon of sweet tea. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter