I Get 13 Page Views a Day, And You Can Too
Welcome to my world, won't you come on in
Most of you don't know me 'cause I've never won a Hubbie. Long have I toiled on this reputable site, garnering double-digit page views. Regularly my pages receive visitors from far-flung web browsers around this little blue marble we all call home. I rarely use passive verbs and I understand conjunctions.
Did you know...
... that words used in a photo caption count toward the total word count? I knew that, but you'd expect me to know that. Given that over 12 people a day read my articles on this venerable site, you'd expect me to know pretty much all there is to know.
This, and other open secrets, will be discussed throughout the article you now read. Stay tuned for numerable tidbits tightly focused upon bettering you and your compositions. I'm here to help.
Write about the Pineal Gland
Online people clamor for words, sentences, paragraphs, and dangling participles germane to the pineal gland. I don't know what it is, but evidently it is something.
Rather than linking to my own article about this glandy thing I elect to provide connections to pineal gland compositions provided by erstwhile authors who are certainly not me. No one knows more about metaphysical glandular activities than the authoritative sources on this site.
Your own take on the gland resembling a pine cone would be grossly appreciated by the 13 people regularly loading this reputable web site into their browsers. No one needs less articles about whatever it does, and it does something.
I have read this and it's really readable.
Sell something but not too many somethings
HubPages happily hosts 'capsules' connected to Amazon. You, as an online anonymous author, posses the capability of populating such capsules. You get to sell stuff.
Amazon fulfills the stuff. You have no responsibility beyond populating capsules and writing advertising copy. Just, like, don't make it look like advertising copy. Pepper your prose with street lingo and perhaps a small plethora of grammatical gaffes. Make it look like it's not a come-on to buy something. We all know it is, but don't tell HubPages that. #dignity
For example, the tome illustrated at right has been read by me. I personally vouch for the contents. I can verify that each chapter is accurately numbered and most of the geographical errors are intentional. I laughed several times at passages intended to be droll and satirical.
Write something political
Deep-thinking sentient humans come to HubPages for political commentary.Do not let them down. If you can't hold their interest, they will click over to American Spectator or National Review and they might accidentally learn something.
Provide thoughtful analysis of current events relative to Donald Trump talking about groping women 14 years ago. No one who lands on this site has their minds made up: you're here to persuade them. Offer up details. Pepper with your opinions based on years of donating to Bill Clinton's Legal Defense fund.
Count Your Words
As we learned in 3rd grade, words count and we should count our words. You can't walk up to a bank robber and slap on the 'cuffs: first you must expend 700+ words explaining why what is about to happen will be happening. You're obligated to lay out exposition, theory, analysis, and conclusion consuming at least an arbitrary minimum of words.
HubPages is the same way. It you have something to say, say it in at least 701 words. Google counts your words in consideration of indexing you. If you don't find yourself indexed by Google, you may as well scribble in crayon on a highway overpass. No one will take you seriously. Cocktail parties in Soho only invite indexed authors these days. Washington DC power brokers crave the company of folks indexed by Google. Yahoo, not so much. Bing, well...
A conclusion, then a poll.
Good writing always concludes. Save for The NeverEnding Story *, all compositions come to an end. Even Douglas Adams found ways to wrap up his novels.
After concluding, follow up with a poll. You will find that .3422 % of your readers actually participate in your thoughtfully crafted polling. You may feel dejected and wasteful of your time. I know I don't.
* I am a little bummed out that the movie title is actually "neverending" when I was hoping to get another increment in my word count by using "never ending."
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