I Get 13 Page Views a Day, And You Can Too

The Secret to My Success.
The Secret to My Success. | Source

Welcome to my world, won't you come on in

Most of you don't know me 'cause I've never won a Hubbie. Long have I toiled on this reputable site, garnering double-digit page views. Regularly my pages receive visitors from far-flung web browsers around this little blue marble we all call home. I rarely use passive verbs and I understand conjunctions.

So far, so good. But I can do better, as you'll soon see.
So far, so good. But I can do better, as you'll soon see. | Source

Did you know...

... that words used in a photo caption count toward the total word count? I knew that, but you'd expect me to know that. Given that over 12 people a day read my articles on this venerable site, you'd expect me to know pretty much all there is to know.

This, and other open secrets, will be discussed throughout the article you now read. Stay tuned for numerable tidbits tightly focused upon bettering you and your compositions. I'm here to help.

My best-selling article. You can achieve this level of excellence as well.
My best-selling article. You can achieve this level of excellence as well. | Source
If you want to get to Heaven, you've gotta raise a little controversy about the Pineal Gland.
If you want to get to Heaven, you've gotta raise a little controversy about the Pineal Gland. | Source

Write about the Pineal Gland

Online people clamor for words, sentences, paragraphs, and dangling participles germane to the pineal gland. I don't know what it is, but evidently it is something.

Rather than linking to my own article about this glandy thing I elect to provide connections to pineal gland compositions provided by erstwhile authors who are certainly not me. No one knows more about metaphysical glandular activities than the authoritative sources on this site.

Your own take on the gland resembling a pine cone would be grossly appreciated by the 13 people regularly loading this reputable web site into their browsers. No one needs less articles about whatever it does, and it does something.

I have read this and it's really readable.

Sell something but not too many somethings

HubPages happily hosts 'capsules' connected to Amazon. You, as an online anonymous author, posses the capability of populating such capsules. You get to sell stuff.

Amazon fulfills the stuff. You have no responsibility beyond populating capsules and writing advertising copy. Just, like, don't make it look like advertising copy. Pepper your prose with street lingo and perhaps a small plethora of grammatical gaffes. Make it look like it's not a come-on to buy something. We all know it is, but don't tell HubPages that. #dignity

For example, the tome illustrated at right has been read by me. I personally vouch for the contents. I can verify that each chapter is accurately numbered and most of the geographical errors are intentional. I laughed several times at passages intended to be droll and satirical.

Write something political

Deep-thinking sentient humans come to HubPages for political commentary.Do not let them down. If you can't hold their interest, they will click over to American Spectator or National Review and they might accidentally learn something.

Provide thoughtful analysis of current events relative to Donald Trump talking about groping women 14 years ago. No one who lands on this site has their minds made up: you're here to persuade them. Offer up details. Pepper with your opinions based on years of donating to Bill Clinton's Legal Defense fund.

This can be you. Or me. Or both.
This can be you. Or me. Or both. | Source

Count Your Words

As we learned in 3rd grade, words count and we should count our words. You can't walk up to a bank robber and slap on the 'cuffs: first you must expend 700+ words explaining why what is about to happen will be happening. You're obligated to lay out exposition, theory, analysis, and conclusion consuming at least an arbitrary minimum of words.

HubPages is the same way. It you have something to say, say it in at least 701 words. Google counts your words in consideration of indexing you. If you don't find yourself indexed by Google, you may as well scribble in crayon on a highway overpass. No one will take you seriously. Cocktail parties in Soho only invite indexed authors these days. Washington DC power brokers crave the company of folks indexed by Google. Yahoo, not so much. Bing, well...

Controversial? Let's argue about that.
Controversial? Let's argue about that. | Source

A conclusion, then a poll.

Good writing always concludes. Save for The NeverEnding Story *, all compositions come to an end. Even Douglas Adams found ways to wrap up his novels.

After concluding, follow up with a poll. You will find that .3422 % of your readers actually participate in your thoughtfully crafted polling. You may feel dejected and wasteful of your time. I know I don't.

* I am a little bummed out that the movie title is actually "neverending" when I was hoping to get another increment in my word count by using "never ending."

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Comments 12 comments

Mel Carriere profile image

Mel Carriere 2 weeks ago from San Diego California

I can't believe you bought bitchin vinyl siding on 12 views per day. You must be subliminally hypnotizing your readership to click on every ad several times, simultaneously.

As the snarky liberal you assume I am, you know I regularly graffiti my hubs onto overpasses to get traffic. Now that I am older I limit myself to underpasses. I have dangled participles and dangled from freeway bridges to get my point across.

One view down, eleven to go.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 weeks ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Mel, my favorite post man. I respect your dangling efforts. Thanks for snarking by today.

Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 weeks ago from Queensland Australia

Your hubs are always sarcastically useful, nicomp. Hang in there, you'll win that elusive hubby one day. I have won two but, going by the screenshot at the top of this hub, I have nowhere near the traffic that you get from good old Google. I'm impressed that you are on the way to 2 million, and I haven't cracked 100,000 yet. That alone entitles you to give advice. Is that 13 page views a day per hub or all up?

nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 weeks ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Jodah, thanks for stopping by. Surely you're too busy arranging your trophies to study my pics: my "13 page views" are in total across all thousand of my original hubs. Many hubs have been crippled or maimed by HubPages bots due to too many capsules or not enough platitudes about Liberals or insufficient small words. I think.

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 13 days ago

Forget about the Hubbie. HP changed how they award those things, so now only one or two people will ever get one. As far as page views go, why bother looking. I have no idea how many people read my stuff, and I don't care. Personally, I think you have stumbled onto a niche. Keep blasting HP and "they" will come.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 12 days ago from Ohio, USA Author

Hey, I'm an equal opportunity blaster.

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 12 days ago from California Gold Country

By dumb luck I have three hubs that get hundreds of views-- if it were not for those, I would be getting a total 12 - with the other 113. Next time you see a genie, wish for some dumb luck.

You are right about Google not being able to tell the difference.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 12 days ago from Nashville Tn.

Thanks for this fun hub. I'm with you and close to 2 million views. But then I've been here for 6 long years. :) How about you?

nicomp profile image

nicomp 12 days ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Rochelle, hang on to those lucky hubs, tomorrow HubAdmins might declare them in violation of HubRules.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 12 days ago from Ohio, USA Author

@VocalCoach, 7 years.

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 11 days ago from California Gold Country

@nicomp and VocalCoach, 8+ years

I notice that the pineal hubs are listed as related on this hub -- you gave them a boost. :)

nicomp profile image

nicomp 10 days ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Rochelle, We all need to know about the pineal gland.

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