Vote for me in the 2016 Hubbie Awards
I'm all about you
Having been a HubPages denizen for over 6 years, I know all there is to know. I know where the virtual bodies are buried. I have dirt on all of you. I know who called me a retarded troll and who has been really nice to me over the years. When you vote for me I will release you from your obligations. No longer will you fret over shocking Internet rumors that just might bring down you and your empire. Your secrets and your grammar errors will remain secret. Trust me on this.
We will make HubPages great again
Long ago HubPages was the only site on the Internet. Erstwhile writers across cyberspace published overly-long screeds addressing virtually every human condition. All was well. We made money and we all got along. The HubAdmins left us alone as they perched in their cybertowers, counting their clicks and ordering stuff from Montgomery Ward.
These days things change. Google tells us what do. The good news is that I've written extensively on how Google tells us what to do, but beyond that Google telling us what do do has been a disaster. If you vote for me I will change this. We will tell Google what to do. All their searches will belong to us. No one will search for anything without Hubpages appearing in 4 of the top 5 results. I can accomplish this because I am an SEO wizard, I have a Master's Degree in Computer Science, and because I say so.
This can be you, unless it's already me.
It's not your fault
You may not have heard of me recently. That's not your fault. My hubs find themselves swamped in laborious volumes of anti-Bernie Sanders publications and recipes for tattoos or other highly focused niche articles encouraged by HubPages these days. My work sits in the background, patiently waiting for Google to delete all the chaff. It could happen.
You should get to know me, but I understand you are certainly busy. You're occupied with voting, cutting the grass, holding down 3 jobs in this economy, and watching The Bachelorette. I know I struggle with prioritizing my time as much as you do. Don't flagellate yourself.
How can you help?
Whoop, there it is.
In conclusion I cannot conclude because I have not reached 700 words. My pleasure, it will be, to trundle forward, injecting additional words, sentences, and paragraphs into cyberspace in in order to comply with HubPages directives. We all know that no useful publication ever used less than 700 words. I could stop at 699 but that would be unwise.
When I win...
I will be the happiest Hubber on HubPages. You, gentle reader, can play a small part in this escapade. With your vote in my pocket I will ascend to HubPages heights heretofore unascended.
Below I have provided a snapshot of my contributions to this splendiforous web site. You can plainly observe how hard I've worked over the past 6 years to get us where we are today. We know where we are and I am right beside you at that place. Would you be at this place without me? I don't think so, but I do agree that your vote for me is a vote for no one else.
Would you like a survey?
A typical hub contgributed by me includes a survey at the end. I usually add in a hip and smart Google map smartly related to the topic of the hub. You can expect to encounter such signature capsules herein as well. I don't want to let anyone down. As soon as I expel sufficient characters so as to pass the digital gatekeepers, I plan to get on with the surveying and the mapping. I already have ideas in my head but they cannot come out just yet...