Poem - Do You Know Who I Am?
This may seem harsh but it is a composite of time, experience and feeling....
Do you know who I am?
How could you for I am a sham
Is it what my daughter sees?
She say's I'm the best Daddy
Is it what my son would say
About the example I set each day?
Is it what my wife has felt
About the hand she’s been dealt?
What about an erstwhile lover
To whom I would run for cover?
If for only for a moment
Selfishly seeking atonement
I could ask myself, why?
Why hide behind a lie?
Sowing disappointment once again
Always hurting another friend
What about the pressure
From the job where I measure?
Does it drive my spirit away?
Crushed by conformity each day?
To be so consistent
For one who is insistent
That I be the one they want
As I put up a front
But who am I today?
My true self must obey
At what moment do I see?
How my life can truly be?
Do any of you really know?
Because of what I do not show?
There is so much for you to learn
But my mind you cannot discern
Encumbered by rules and vows
Limited by what life allows
I cannot enjoy anyone new
Because then I would not be true
I've become too hard to touch
Closeness has become too much
But as captivating as I might be
I would be confronted by adultery
So I shrink back to my private place
Hiding my thoughts just in case
The new one I want so much
Learns of my need to touch
In place of lust
I compose words of dust
To disappear into the air
Taking with them quiet despair
Do you know who I am?
How could you for I am a sham
Never truly honest or open
Just one who gives a token
Of love, of interest, of attention
But never real affection
Because it is trapped
Behind hang-ups that have wrapped
My heart within a sewn-up sleeve
So I remain quiet and grieve
Well maybe it's you I don't know
Maybe I only care how I grow
But I want your approval
To facilitate my shackles removal
To open myself and gush the emotional river
Allowing my heart to stand and deliver
The love to another that God has created
But that so many times, man has cremated
Pride, the dominant trait
Continues to control my fate
Into a future of uncertainty
Without any answers, but constant scrutiny
Of what my mind can think of
About my inability to experience love
I will take it from you
Coloring your world a deep dark blue
Because in the end you will wonder
Why your heart I did plunder
When it was never about you
But about my need for a clue
To know if I am worthy
Of someone who surely
Is better than I
Who is not afraid to cry
While I stand and stare
With no emotion to care
Because I don't know who I am
Do you?
