Empowered Vaginas - America’s Future with Free Birth Control
The year is 2025, and the United States is in utter chaos. Sexual freedom, sexual health and sexual awareness hang heavily in the air. Nobody is safe from the empowered vaginas that roam America; the healthy, free-thinking and free-speaking vaginas. They have taken over the world, and they are in complete control.
The streets started to become dangerous back in August of 2011, when hundreds of thousands of women received letters from their insurance carriers informing them of free “preventive” services and screenings, free “well” exams, free female things, and free things for anything related to their vaginas. Women called it healthcare reform.
Month after month, more and more women joined the ranks of the new world order. You could always tell when a woman had been taken. She would stand in front of a mailbox with a pile of letters and junk mail she had dropped at her feet, holding her much-anticipated form letter high above her head, screaming with delight and with the eyes of a harlot.
It didn’t take long for open-carry laws to be rewritten. Breast pumps were at every turn of the head—offices, malls, bus stops, subway stations, restaurants. There was nothing anyone could do to stop it. Breasts could no longer be thought of as mere play-things or something to stare at for fun.
Spilled milk took on a whole new meaning, and there were many who cried over it.
The saying, "Grow a pair" was no longer appropriate; it was replaced with "Grow a vagina".
It became common to see work-place cubicles empty a half-hour before quitting time, because employees, female employees—many of them not married—claimed they had a “mammogram” or a “pap-smear” or an “OB-GYN appointment” that they needed to be at…all code words for sex or something sex-related…something to do with their vaginas.
Some of the more nervy women did it in the middle of the day during their lunch hours, their vacant chairs a constant reminder to everyone in the office that they worked alongside a hussy with an empowered and oh-so-dangerous vagina.
In the beginning, a resistance had formed in an attempt to stop the empowered vaginas from multiplying. The attempt was futile.
Vaginas would talk with other vaginas about new-found freedom, about choice, about control, about empowerment. Sometimes the vaginas would talk over a cup of coffee in Starbucks or some other public forum, refusing to talk in hushed whispers about themselves.
It didn’t take long for the shy, timid, and uncertain vaginas to give into peer pressure. They would suddenly show up one day to work exuding confidence, realizing that they could have control over what path they chose in their careers, their educations, their lives.
The empowered vaginas are everywhere now. They are attending reputable colleges and completing their educations on time. They are sitting in CEO chairs, they own Fortune-500 companies, they occupy the majority of seats on Boards of Directors, they outnumber their male counter-parts in Congress...and before they even hit menopause.
The empowered vaginas now refuse to be punished for being vaginas, and they have taken America by storm.
By Deni Edwards
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