Pineal Gland - God Organ or just another squishy thing in your brain?

This is really cool. It's like Star Trek or PBS.
This is really cool. It's like Star Trek or PBS.

Look no further than your third eye

Deep in the dark recesses of your glandular metabolism operates your Pineal Gland. It does stuff like secrete melatonin. It also makes people stay up all night spewing online treatises. Along with Iapetus, your Pineal Gland engenders more sincere inanity than Donald Trump's hair stylists.

Discovered in 1492, the Pineal Gland came to prominence when people realized the Earth was no longer balanced on the back of a giant turtle. A new focus was needed. Many scribes and other people living in mud huts realized the significance of a little-known gland tucked away in an important part of the human body. These erstwhile folks posited the possibility of leveraging mystic technobabble relative to convincing The Gullible to believe pretty much anything.

it's in there somewhere.
it's in there somewhere. | Source

It's shaped like a pine cone and it's the size of a pea

Your Pineal Gland busily cranks out vital bodily requirments much needed by other parts of your body that are not mystical. Some people earnestly assert a third-eye type functionality operating in parallel with well understood biology. You can see into the future or under rocks or through political speeches: precise details are unclear. This plays havoc with sunglasses manufacturers because adding that third ethereal lense makes focusing problematic.

No comment. Pick out your own symbolism.
No comment. Pick out your own symbolism.

Look to the squishy things underfoot

Some naturally-occurring species detect light using their own private pineal gland. Birds, reptiles, and frogs, but not NASCAR drivers, have pineal glands with much of the functionality of a traditional eye. You probably do not. I know I don't.

According to Answers dot Yahoo dot Com, which is rarely wrong about this type of thing, a bird deploys a pineal gland to "fly upside down and study the clouds." I can't make this stuff up, but I would if I had the talent.

just kidding
just kidding

Wikipedia Weighs in, and It's Really Interesting

Your pineal gland is the only midline brain structure that is azygous. Azygous won't pass my spell checker and it means unpaired. We could say 'unpaired' but simple words never earned a government grant.

The meaining of "midline brain structure" is obvious and we won't bore you with repetition. You're welcome.

I think it's the Q-tip gland
I think it's the Q-tip gland

More wacky Pineal Gland Activities

Some scientists may have agreed that a Pineal Gland may perhaps possibly sometimes generate a psychoactive chemical similar to DMT. DMT is N,N-Dimethyltryptamine and you can't get it at Wal Mart. Why the ubiquitous pineal gland cannot perhaps generate the real DMT is unclear at this time. Perhaps only the generic equivalent is covered under your prescription drug plan.

Some scientists stay home and read Scientific American whilst sipping 5-Hour Energy. That doesn't mean you should do the same. Science is not performed by consensus, but conspiracies are.

Does not have a pineal gland, as far as you know.
Does not have a pineal gland, as far as you know. | Source

Of course, it's also piezoelectric.

This little gland should be sufficiently amazing by now. But wait, there's more.

Buried deep in the gland are cool biological structures that convert radio waves into electricity. This is a piezoelectric effect and all the other glands are insanely jealous. Your throid glands refuse to associate with your pineal gland during gland mixers. No pineal gland is ever invited to the gland Christmas Party.

You will meet some people who think they can run their Prius on piezoelectric properties of pineal glands but they are almost always late to the Christmas Party for obvious reasons.


I searched for pineal on PixaBay and this popped up.
I searched for pineal on PixaBay and this popped up.

What does the Descartes say?

Rene Descartes, famous person who lived before Twittier, called our favorite gland the ‘Seat of the Soul’. Obviously Rene never shopped at Ikea.

Decartes went on to say that it's the focal point of our spiritual guiding system which makes us go beyond the five senses of rationality and become multisensory, tuned into and aware of higher dimensions of consciousness within a holographic cosmos. I find this difficult to dispute because it makes no sense.

Pineal Lake, Sudbury, Unorganized, North Part, ON P0M, Canada

Are You Convinced Yet?

Indeed our little Pineal Gland provides hours of fun for crystal huggers. Bloviating online would not be the same without pea-sized melatonin-secreting eyeball-imitating naturally-occurring biological instances. I, for one, salute the thing. I don't use it to see but I see that it means the world to me.

When I want to sleep, my pineal gland soothes me with melatonin. When I want a third eye I will visit the Halloween store.

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Comments 16 comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 11 months ago

I'm confused, but I am amused as always.


Mel Carriere profile image

Mel Carriere 11 months ago from San Diego California

Despite our mutual political antagonism, your catchy title forced me to grovel over here to read it. To refute your points, I can say I do have a pair of sunglasses for my third eye, thst I carry in my mail bag, which protect me from the harsh glare of my overly inspirational thoughts. Secondly, while I have never seen a bird fly upside down, I have seen many a goldfish navigate belly up in my toilet. Both of these things completely disprove your skepticism. Voted up insightful.


drbj profile image

drbj 11 months ago from south Florida

This line of yours, Nicomp, is so unforgettable it kept me up all last night: "Your Pineal Gland engenders more sincere inanity than Donald Trump's hair stylists." And what a surprise: the gland is azygous as well. You have outdone yourself with this one, my friend.


Eldon Arsenaux profile image

Eldon Arsenaux 11 months ago from Cooley, Texas

Your descriptions of the Pineal Gland's relation to Descartes and DMT were Highlarious. There can be only one nicomp!

-E.G.A.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 11 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@breakfastpop: Thanks!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 11 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Mel Carriere : I trust you expensed your sunglasses ?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 11 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@drbj : I think that gland could be President. You?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 11 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

Eldon Arsenaux: How nice you are!!


bradmasterOCcal profile image

bradmasterOCcal 11 months ago from Orange County California

nicomp

Interesting topic, and an even more interesting perspective.

It would be interesting, third use of this word, if the pineal gland has changed since early man. In the last century, we have sprayed electromagnetic waves around the world, and that has to be a new environment for the pineal gland.

As it is sensitive to these waves, and seems to be stimulated by them, is it doing its job, or is it overworked, like those involved in the fight or flight response.

We don't process real threats in that system today. Most of the time, the threats are false, artificially generated by ourselves, putting us in a trigger states. Like having your left foot on the brake and at the same time pressing on the gas. We don't go anywhere, but crazy.

The EM Waves of today, are not healthy for the pineal gland.

Sitting between two hemispheres of the brain must be meaningful, maybe as control module. There must be something more than just releasing Melatonin and keeping the Circadian rhythm going, as important as that function is to us.


drbj profile image

drbj 11 months ago from south Florida

@Nicomp: Agreed. And with the current crop of contenders, the Pineal Gland could win!


bradmasterOCcal profile image

bradmasterOCcal 11 months ago from Orange County California

drbj

Who would be its VP?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 11 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@bradmasterOCcal : Hillary is my guess. She has been second-fiddle to a gland for a long time.


drbj profile image

drbj 11 months ago from south Florida

@bradmasterOCcal and @Nicomp: Naw, not the best choice. Those who are too big for their britches are exposed in the end!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 11 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@DrBJ I see what you did there. Once again you cement your position as "Funniest Hubber."

(bows)


bradmasterOCcal profile image

bradmasterOCcal 11 months ago from Orange County California

drbj

What kind of britches does a Pineal Gland wear?

I guess I wasn't clear that I was referring to the pineal gland winning the Presidential Race.

my bad.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 11 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@bradmasterOCcal : Nothing is your bad. Nothing.

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