Pineal Gland - God Organ or just another squishy thing in your brain?
Look no further than your third eye
Deep in the dark recesses of your glandular metabolism operates your Pineal Gland. It does stuff like secrete melatonin. It also makes people stay up all night spewing online treatises. Along with Iapetus, your Pineal Gland engenders more sincere inanity than Donald Trump's hair stylists.
Discovered in 1492, the Pineal Gland came to prominence when people realized the Earth was no longer balanced on the back of a giant turtle. A new focus was needed. Many scribes and other people living in mud huts realized the significance of a little-known gland tucked away in an important part of the human body. These erstwhile folks posited the possibility of leveraging mystic technobabble relative to convincing The Gullible to believe pretty much anything.
It's shaped like a pine cone and it's the size of a pea
Your Pineal Gland busily cranks out vital bodily requirments much needed by other parts of your body that are not mystical. Some people earnestly assert a third-eye type functionality operating in parallel with well understood biology. You can see into the future or under rocks or through political speeches: precise details are unclear. This plays havoc with sunglasses manufacturers because adding that third ethereal lense makes focusing problematic.
Look to the squishy things underfoot
Some naturally-occurring species detect light using their own private pineal gland. Birds, reptiles, and frogs, but not NASCAR drivers, have pineal glands with much of the functionality of a traditional eye. You probably do not. I know I don't.
According to Answers dot Yahoo dot Com, which is rarely wrong about this type of thing, a bird deploys a pineal gland to "fly upside down and study the clouds." I can't make this stuff up, but I would if I had the talent.
Wikipedia Weighs in, and It's Really Interesting
Your pineal gland is the only midline brain structure that is azygous. Azygous won't pass my spell checker and it means unpaired. We could say 'unpaired' but simple words never earned a government grant.
The meaining of "midline brain structure" is obvious and we won't bore you with repetition. You're welcome.
More wacky Pineal Gland Activities
Some scientists may have agreed that a Pineal Gland may perhaps possibly sometimes generate a psychoactive chemical similar to DMT. DMT is N,N-Dimethyltryptamine and you can't get it at Wal Mart. Why the ubiquitous pineal gland cannot perhaps generate the real DMT is unclear at this time. Perhaps only the generic equivalent is covered under your prescription drug plan.
Some scientists stay home and read Scientific American whilst sipping 5-Hour Energy. That doesn't mean you should do the same. Science is not performed by consensus, but conspiracies are.
Of course, it's also piezoelectric.
This little gland should be sufficiently amazing by now. But wait, there's more.
Buried deep in the gland are cool biological structures that convert radio waves into electricity. This is a piezoelectric effect and all the other glands are insanely jealous. Your throid glands refuse to associate with your pineal gland during gland mixers. No pineal gland is ever invited to the gland Christmas Party.
You will meet some people who think they can run their Prius on piezoelectric properties of pineal glands but they are almost always late to the Christmas Party for obvious reasons.
What does the Descartes say?
Rene Descartes, famous person who lived before Twittier, called our favorite gland the ‘Seat of the Soul’. Obviously Rene never shopped at Ikea.
Decartes went on to say that it's the focal point of our spiritual guiding system which makes us go beyond the five senses of rationality and become multisensory, tuned into and aware of higher dimensions of consciousness within a holographic cosmos. I find this difficult to dispute because it makes no sense.
Pineal Lake, Sudbury, Unorganized, North Part, ON P0M, Canada
Are You Convinced Yet?
Indeed our little Pineal Gland provides hours of fun for crystal huggers. Bloviating online would not be the same without pea-sized melatonin-secreting eyeball-imitating naturally-occurring biological instances. I, for one, salute the thing. I don't use it to see but I see that it means the world to me.
When I want to sleep, my pineal gland soothes me with melatonin. When I want a third eye I will visit the Halloween store.
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