So You're Worried Trump Is Gonna Take Away My Food Stamps?

Just stop it.

I have read article after article about us poor people losing our food stamps because Donald Trump is gonna yank them right out from under us. I have read article after article that is nothing but fear porn for middle class SJWs who don't care one bit about actual poor people, they just care that their darling, Hillary Clinton, lost the election.

Well guess what, Clinton supporters! The Democrats already dashed the one glimmer of hope most poor people had for their future, and that glimmer was Bernie Sanders. Bernie is an empty wallet; he puts all of his money where his mouth is. But you all decided that it was just fine that Clinton rigged the primaries to win the nomination. Because she's a woman. And her becoming president would be historical and some junk.

Lemme just interject here: I got pretty tired, as a woman, of people telling me that I had to vote for her just because she was a woman. Yeah ... obviously, because I'm a woman, I can't form coherent thoughts on my own, and I need a bunch of out of touch rich Democrats (the only party for women dontchaknow), people who probably haven't seen real adversity or social injustice firsthand for decades, to make my decisions for me. Because ... you know ... I'm just a dumb broad firing on zero cylinders.

So let's talk about being on food stamps, since the people complaining about Trump's still-nonexistent plan to wipe all us poor folk off the planet clearly have no idea what it's like to be on food stamps.

I will caveat this by saying that I have a pretty good reason to be on them. I've had staunch economic conservatives tell me that my situation is why food stamps exist. In 2014, my veteran (now) ex husband had a drug-fueled mental break. He pretended for several months that he was being recruited for a job, which turned out to be false. His delusions included real zingers, like a deployment to Africa with 10th CSH to build ebola clinics. When I kicked him out, I thought we still had money left from his separation (he was medically discharged in early 2014); I was so, so wrong.

And before you even say it, I will point out that I have three kids and the youngest kid was 10 at the time. We could afford those kids when we had them. But we couldn't afford the fallout from my ex's addiction or mental illness.

My friend told me to apply for food stamps and Medicaid right away, which I did. Best advice I ever got.

And again, lemme tell ya: From the moment you get on those damn things, they are trying to get you off them. And not for nice reasons, like they want to see you succeed.

First of all, you don't get them right away. You get the card right away, but - SURPRISE! SURPRISE! - there's nothing on it for at least another three weeks. So if you don't have food in your cupboards and the food banks aren't open, you won't be able to eat - unless you have a friend or relative that takes pity on you. Most food banks are open once a week, but some are only open once a month. And the food is (mostly) genuinely awful. I'm not a particularly picky eater, but you have to be in full-on starvation mode to eat some of that slop.

I mean, really. Where did you think those pickled-pigs-feet-flavored mashed peas wound up when you donated them to your church's canned food drive? And if you didn't want them, why would I?

Eminem was right when he said those food stamps don't buy diapers. They also don't buy maxi pads, toilet paper, toothpaste or other essential items. And no one gives you cash assistance right away, no matter how big your family may be, or how good your reason for being on assistance.

And for those of you saying that it's super easy to get on assistance and it's easy to scam the system? You would have to be a pretty amazing criminal to do it. I had to provide birth certificates, social security cards, bills, my lease, bank records, divorce decrees. And if you don't turn in even one of those documents, they don't give you anything. We got about $170 in TANF about a month and a half after I signed up, and that was only because the processor took pity on our family, mostly because I was going to court every week against my abusive ex.

And she made it really clear, several times, that she was taking pity on me and that most people don't get anything.

I think I got that money for four months. Take note, Hillary supporters: Under President Obama, the poor aren't getting a whole lot of assistance. It's not enough to pay rent or pay the utilities bill. Was it better than a stick in the eye? Uh ... yes. But this idea that, under Obama, the poor were given real financial help? Uh ... most definitely not. So when you sit here and try to scare us into feeling guilty about not voting for Hillary, we just sit here and shake our heads at you. Because you're ridiculous. And out of touch. And have clearly never been on assistance.

So I mentioned that the food stamp people don't want you on food stamps. You only get two months, early on, where they don't bug you.

Yeah ... about two hassle-free months.

Then, you have to start submitting everything all over again. Which seems fair, except that the office somehow always loses a part of the submission packet, or techs enter something into their system incorrectly, or a new policy is passed, or the moon aligns with Venus in trine or some other nonsense and they cancel your food stamps, for no reason.

Which means you have to go "recertify," which sounds important but it just means that they think the divorce decree they have on file might be different than your current divorce decree from the same divorce (you never know!). And I know this because last spring, they cancelled my food stamps because some super motivated (but painfully misguided) tech changed all the information in my records, specifically all the information I told them was 100% the same and hadn't changed even a tiny bit. It took two months, numerous office visits and three hours on the phone to fix it.

And then, about 6 months in, the CLINTON "Work-To-Eat" program kicks in. This is one of the most ridiculous parts of the entire food stamp program, and it was enacted by Hill's dear husband, Bill Clinton. Yeah, it seems like something that, in theory, kinda makes a little bit of sense, but in reality, it is completely stupid and hurts poor kids.

When a Hillary Clinton Supporter whines about how Trump - TRUMP! - is going to take away my food stamps, I like to remind them of the:

Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Act

Clearly, being on food stamps because a mentally ill, abusive drug addict ruined my life, and having made the (apparently) very poor choice of being a stay at home mom for 12 years (which rendered me essentially unemployable in the current job market), I am clearly lacking in personal responsibility.

So when you Hillary supporters fear monger over Trump, remember that a Democrat promised to "end welfare as we have come to know it," because we, as a nation, needed to "[reassert] America's work ethic."

Nope, it wasn't an evil Republican and definitely wasn't Trump that wanted to end welfare, it was Hillary Clinton's husband!!

It is some of the worst legislation ever enacted against the poor. It destroys economically vulnerable families. It includes fantastic ideas like the government paying someone else to watch your kids so you can work. You know, instead of paying mothers directly to raise their own kids. Yes, the government will give you hundreds of dollars each month so you can put your kid in childcare and go off to a minimum wage job where you barely make enough to justify working.

If you can't find a job, the program allows you to spend your own money and time driving to volunteer "opportunities" (all these programs are labeled as "opportunities") in the community. And because those programs get so many volunteers from the food stamp programs, they never have to employ anyone ever again!

I received the Employment First letter in April 2015. Just a couple days before I got it, my daughter broke her ankle - literally in half - at a friend's house. She and her friends were on a porch swing and the chain on one end came out of the ceiling and the weight of three teenagers all landed on her ankle and SNAP! Broke it in half.

So while she was still in the hospital recovering from the reconstructive surgery that placed 8 pins and a metal plate in her ankle, I got a letter telling me I needed to go to an "employment class." So I wrote to them right away and said she would need care for a couple months. I sent them her discharge papers and a photo of her x-rays, which they got. Then they asked me to provide a doctor's note stating that she needed 24/7 care, in order to get out of the class.

Oh ... but they didn't get that e-mail. Which is funny, because they didn't tell me until .... September, when they cancelled my food stamps. Which they cancelled because they said I didn't send the doctor's note.

Now ... I know that there are people reading this that think I should have ditched my daughter and gone to work (and are adding, in their minds, that I'm a lazy, good for nothing sponge). But I'm not writing this for them. I'm writing this to those of you who think that a child recuperating from reconstructive surgery is a valid reason to skip work, but still receive food stamps.

It's for those of you who think that Obama would have graciously let me keep those benefits, and Trump is going to rip them away from me.

If I wanted to keep my food stamps, I had to take a class through Employment First, which is run by the Goodwill. Never, ever forget that Goodwill is a for-profit corporation whose CEO makes millions of dollars each year. Never, ever forget that they get government grants to run programs like Employment First, even though all their profits come from selling items they get for free.

I gave this employment class the benefit of the doubt; well, I did, until I walked into the room filled with at least 100 other people, some of them looking like people who should already be employed. On the other hand, some were really disabled, just not disabled "enough." AKA, Why Aren't You Working, Your Fingers Still Work. I spoke with a lady at my table who was her husband's home health care aide, who had been told that she didn't have the "right" doctor's note to get out of the class (and qualify for food stamps).

There were a disturbing number of people who said they had applied for dozens of jobs and never even got a call back, let alone an interview.

And the class was ... ridiculous.

They offered helpful kernels of knowledge like:

• Jay-Z and Warren Buffet are role models (to which numerous people replied that no one should be emulating criminals, regardless of whether their crimes were white or blue collar);
• Women shouldn't show off their boobs; and
• Guys should wear their pants up around their waist, not at the bottom of their butt.

And then we played a bunch of asinine "team building" games that seemed to be nothing more than time wasters, but really got the "instructors" pumped up.

The most insightful, yet troubling information: Unless the job requires it, DO NOT, under any circumstances, tell people you have a college degree. Not even an associates. Don't even put it on your resume. Super extra do NOT put it on any application. They said it would guarantee that you wouldn't get hired.

And this was last year, under Obama.

While you're sitting there in your middle class existence, know that a fairly decent welfare program was destroyed by Bill Clinton. While he was still married to Hillary.

And you wanted to put that same destroyer back in the White House. And you thought us poor people were gonna back you up on that.

And the worst part? Instead of just being demonized by people who think we're lazy good for nothings, now we're supposed to feel guilty that Hillary Clinton wasn't elected. You're telling us it's our fault.

Well, then .... NEWSFLASH: Food stamp and other assistance programs were already under attack , even with Obama at the helm. What did Obama do to strengthen the food stamp program? What did Obama do for the working poor?

Just stop screaming that the sky is about to start falling, because we know better. We know that anyone will attack these programs, because the Democrats, the party that is supposed to support social assistance, have been allowing (or initiated) those attacks just fine all by themselves.

And they did it without Donald Trump.