Ways for Kids to Help Reduce Global Warming

Adults have pretty much proven that they can't be trusted with large inhabitable planets. Kids need to step up. A key to saving our Earth just might be getting all the pre-adults involved. If we can indoctrinate them before their critical thinking glands are fully formed, we can save this little blue marble we call home.

They don't have a lot of money compared to Exxon or Pfizer or Starbucks or the AFL-CIO, but they can help stop global warming in other ways. All we need to do is get the proper information into their little receptive skulls. Indoctrination starts at home and continues onto the playground: don't let us down.

As defined by Scientific American Magazine, CO₂ is a greenhouse gas.These types of gasses tend to accumulate inconveniently. The Earth gets warmer because CO₂ gets in the way. Energy from the Sun pierces our atmosphere but cannot pierce back out again because mass quantities of CO₂ prevent such.

Human kids emit CO₂ accidentally but inevitably when they breathe. The less they breathe, the less of this greenhouse gas will be produced. Sitting still produces less CO₂ than running around. We need all our children to pull together on this. Every minute spent quietly watching Jerry Springer or playing XBOX reduces the potential amount of Carbon Dioxide clogging our precious atmosphere.

So, turn off the soccer leagues, play dates, and visits to Chuck E Cheese. Turn on the television. Every kid deserves a chance to help us in our quest to cool the globe.

As we adults already know, the Democratic Party is the party of global cooling. Democrats love the Earth: Republicans and Libertarians and truck drivers hate the Earth and want to see it enveloped in a cloud of murky unbreathable filth. Every kid needs to be a card-carrying Democrat before it's too late for our planet.

Buy your kids a subscription to MoveOn.org. Sign them up for daily updates from The Daily Show. Show them the benefits of WIC, SNAP, and EBT. Get them involved with Occupy Nursery School. The sooner they are absorbed in to the collective, the better chance we all have to stop global warming and get the Earth back to the temperature it's supposed to be.

A child-like scrawl carries a huge impact in today's political climate. All we need to do is provide The Children with poster board and crayons. We can solve global warming posthaste. Imagine innocently drawn anti-global warming artwork inundating every shopping mall in Middle America. Every Taco Bell and McDonald's and Congressional meeting room should be papered with the handiwork of preschool innocents.

No one can resist the artistic talents of young people with a political message. There should be a web site dedicated to showcasing the output of people under the age of 13. The entire Internet should be given over to what we typically hang on our refrigerators. It could happen, and it will stop global warming.

As we all know, Democrats don't lie to adults or children. To that end, gifting the collected works of Al Gore to our children can only benefit all parties involved. Delve your kids deeply into his nuances. Stock up on his DVDs and books and snippets from The Congressional Record.

No child should be left behind in the quest to outrace global warming. Every day that we procrastinate, a kid takes off his shirt because it's getting too hot in his neighborhood. You can help prevent this Earthly injustice. Look around you: there are probably kids everywhere. At least one of them wants to know more about how to get involved. A stack of Al Gore DVDs is the perfect birthday gift for any self-aware child.

Every child not indoctrinated is probably your fault. We adults share some responsibility for building a globally aware and sustainable village to raise our children. The next time you see a kid at the mall, take moment to buy them a pretzel and admonish them about global warming. Their parents might seem horrified, but you know you're doing the right thing.