How Women could change the World if they just quit having Sex before Marriage!

That's right, you heard me...Women should quit, completely, utterly and without exception having sex before marriage. I know this might come as a radical idea or maybe even an old fashioned idea but please, let me state my case.


Having sex before marriage hurts women on so many levels. First of all, you have the tried and true risk of pregnancy and disease. The arguments for this are pretty obvious, if you don't have sex before marriage you will not have an illegitimate child, or acquire a disease...pretty basic and straightforward. However, have you ever realized that having sex before marriage is like a lose lose proposition for women? What do you get out of it? If you don't like the guy after having sex with him then, at the very least, you have just wasted yourself and put yourself at risk for pregnancy, disease and possible conflict. At worst, you are stuck in a deeper relationship than you want and could become pregnant and diseased as well. However, if you do fall in love with the guy and he doesn't respond in kind then you are left with a broken heart. And, broken hearts seem to be the ailment du jour these days. We are, in fact, a broken-hearted people. Just observing the countless numbers of people on anti-depressants, or who are drug and alcohol abusers should be evidence of that. By not having sex before marriage you could avoid all of these uncomfortable, life-altering scenarios. There is no downside to waiting, waiting until you have a commitment in marriage, until you have devotion and until you know him better. I wish someone had told me this when I was a young woman.

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Moreover, if the entire feminine population did this, we could change the world! Men would have to actually court us, they would have to make an effort to win us over ...otherwise they are stuck forever waiting, waiting, waiting for sex. Women's stock and value would rise exponentially, it's simply the law of supply and demand. Value is in the lack of supply!

When we, as women, sell ourselves short we are not only devaluing ourselves but we are devaluing our entire gender. We are teaching men to disrespect women. It seems to me that the feminist movement should be all over this. Instead, the feminist movement seems to foster the exact opposite when it comes to chastity. The modern message to women these days is that you are are "free" to have as many sexual partners as you would like, when all that does is drive the value of women down and degrade the female sex. Our power is in withholding sex until we have a commitment.


Furthermore, we would not have any children born out of wedlock, we would not have to worry about diseases and we would be in a position of power. Men would have greater respect for women, rising to a goddess-like status (OK, I got a little out of hand with that one!). In addition, the whole experiment would foster closer marriages thereby decreasing the occurrence of divorce. It would be a win win situation not only for women but for men, children and the society at large. It could, in fact, change the whole world!


Unfortunately the trend seems to be going in the exact opposite direction. In this age of birth control, abortion on demand and lackadaisical attitudes towards sex, we no longer seem to have any moral compass at all when it comes to chastity. The very word reeks of the Victorian age. But the problem, as I see it, is that we have lost all wonder when it comes to passion and love-making. No longer is romance a part of the equation. And marriage itself seems to be just another rite of passage, like getting a drivers license or something. I really think that the key to all of this is in the hands of women, we are the ones who could completely turn this around and make the world a better place. A place where romance, love, intimacy and passion are rampant and replace the uglier words of illegitimacy, disease, divorce, pornography, heart-ache and loneliness.

Think about it!

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Comments 117 comments

Vladimir Uhri profile image

Vladimir Uhri 6 years ago from HubPages, FB

Absolutely great hub Brie. Thank you.


majicat profile image

majicat 6 years ago

Marriage will fix it? Marriage? I am rolling my eyes... I bought into this magical thinking in my youth. I did everything right I suppose and ended up with a woman so filled with contempt that she could barely stand up. let me tell you something; being married to the wrong person is hell on wheels, but I was what you would call "old school" so I stuck in there like a trooper for the sake of the "marriage" and the children. in hindsight after 27 *&%$%#@ years with this woman I would have been much better off following Romeo's lead.

Marriage? *sigh* Marriage is a joke. Do you know how many people I know that have been married 3, 4 or more times? At what point does the line "til death do us part" become laughable? people change spouses these days like they change their socks. I would rather go out and find a woman I didn't like and just give her a house.

which brings me to another point: you said "sex before marriage is like a loose loose proposition, what do you get out of it?" you must be kidding... *ahem* sex? didja enjoy yourself? was he the only one there? You talk as if the "treasure of your love" is so priceless it should be kept under lock and key.. but what about the treasure of my love? what is that exactly? it must not be the same thing because the negotiations seem to be for something other than what is under my zipper... it is for all this substance; a *NICER* home , a car, a nice kitchen ( fully equipped) ? so what your talking here is not a fair trade: treasure for treasure, it is treasure for my life and my substance.. well, I did that and you know what I got? I lost my life and my substance and ended up with a woman who was particularly stingy with her kitty.

what this tells me is that you are doing relationships wrong , just as I did. it isn't the fact that you're not married that is the problem, it is in who you choose to give your treasure to. I am making some assumptions here because I have been around for a while I can make educated guesses... I suspect you chosen the manipulative bad-boy most of the time and jumped right over the good guy that was staring you right in the face. I've seen this more times than I care to count because I was the good guy getting jumped over and then the woman cries this same old tired blues, "can't find a good guy, shoulda held out til I was married"... "why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free" it's all bull shit. it is bull shit magical thinking. marriage isn't going to fix it, Brie. the only thing that will is the way you do relationships.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Well, Majicat, I kinda thought you would respond to this one :)

You seem to be focusing on the marriage part and I was focusing on the chastity part. You say that the pleasure gained from sex is worth (I am assuming) all the other risks. I disagree. You've been on the bad side of a marriage and I've been on the bad side of raising a son by myself. So, even though I sympathize with you, I still disagree, I think the risks (especially for women and children) are much higher than the pay-offs. The problem of divorce and serial marriages is another issue. And while nothing is fool-proof and there will always be exceptions I stand by my opinion, woman and children have a lot more to lose and we have lost by giving in (sort-of-speak).


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain

Hi Brie, what you mean is we should live how God intended, and by doing that life would be better.

Nice idea, wonder what the women hubbers will say?

John


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Well, I'm a woman so there is one but I've only heard from men so far.


HOOWANTSTONO profile image

HOOWANTSTONO 6 years ago

Maybe the men should stop having sex before marriage too. I know its hard, none of us were successful at it, hence why Jesus died on the Cross.

Go well all


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I think they should, and you could write a hub about that but this is from a woman's perspective since that is what I am :)


foreignpress 6 years ago from Denver

You've really put your foot in it this time. No sex before marriage?!! Feminists especially will take offense. However, you are correct. Too much emphasis is place on sex rather than the emotional/cerebral which are watered down to mostly an afterthought. Dating is little more than a meat market -- for men and women. However, no woman should be on a pedestal (your goddess). That's a self-entitlement I've always disagreed with. It seems women are equal only when they wish to be. Anyway, women will not respond to this hub. They have a new-found freedom today they've never had. And that includes sex without commitment.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I wonder if they will or not. I don't think it's working out so well for either sex.

LOL, we'll see who I can offend next time...I'm on a roll!


majicat profile image

majicat 6 years ago

Marriage and chastity? how about sex as currency? There is the rub! keep your hands to yourself until I get a wedding ring and it had better be a princess cut diamond no less that a karat! it is such garbage. this is why you see so many butt ugly men walking around with supermodel type hard bodies on their arm. if you ask me there isn't much difference between that and the $20.00 blow job behind the dumpster in the alley, it is still selling onesself. and these relationships rarely last. but why is it that the men have to shell out all of this lucre in the quest for a mate anyway? Is my "treasure" worth anything? or am I just a working machine that needs it's chassis lubed once a month? to be chaste is important, fortunately I can count the lovers I have had on my hands. what I am looking for is a long term *relationship*.Sex is *easy* it is relationships that are hard. to chain yourself to someone you don't know is pretty fool hardy if you asked me. the trouble is that people have the idea that once the man in the funny hat pronounces you "man and Wife" that suddenly, magically, you have a working relationship. that just isn't so and what is more likely to happen is that since the big fish has been landed (and gutted) people stop trying to make the relationship work.

Just because some minister"married" you, does that mean that God joined you together? who the hell gave that man in the funny hat the power? was it God? nope.... sorry ..... (it was the state) and we wonder why it is marriages don't last. and AND why people like me shit canned the whole idea as archaic and obsolete.

Chaste until long term committed relationship, yes.

Marriage? oh hell no.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I never said anything about money in this blog, I did mention romance, intimacy, commitment. Seriously, I think you are bringing your own agenda into it, so much so that you can't see the main point of what the hub was about.

Yeah, sex is easy, too easy and that is why we have all the problems we have. All I am saying is that I think it's more important to foster relationships, commitment, friendship and love before sex. You say chaste until long term committed relationship is ok and marriage is not. Well, I disagree, if someone is unwilling to be totally committed then the "long term commitment" is really just a farce anyway. The LTC just says "I will love you until something better comes around" rather than until death do us part.


majicat profile image

majicat 6 years ago

you did say, "What did you get out of it" and you cannot say that the whole idea of courting doesn't come without the money entering into it. I just heard this old Ray charles tune, "hit the road jack" here's a line from the song;

"Now Baby, listen Baby, don't you treat me this-a way

'Cause I'll be back on my feet some day"

"Don't care if you do, cause it's understood,

You got no money, and you just ain't no good":

"Well I guess if you say so

I'll have to pack my things and go (that's right)"

Am I bringing my own agenda into it? yes I am. I want someone who is committed to *me* and not WHAT I HAVE.

I want all of those things you spoke of, commitment, passion, chastity... all of that, but marriage is the farce, Brie, not commitment. commitment has to be cared for and tended.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I think marriage has to be cared for and tended. Like I said, money was never mentioned in this hub and to tell you the truth I never gave it a thought. Courting to me involves spending time and getting to know someone, you can do that using money and I think you can do it just as well without. I don't see why someone would not be committed to you for who you are rather than what you have, in marriage. Besides that, there are a lot of couples where the woman has more money than the man. I know of quite a few personally.


foreignpress 6 years ago from Denver

Brie, how about this for a hub: "Is there any animosity between the sexes?" I sense a deep, seething anger on this topic. Marriage is the toughest job possible. Too many, it seems, have been "fired." Still, no women have replied. Most interesting.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Me too foreignpress...but you know there has been a lot of suffering between the sexes so I'm sure that accounts for the bulk of it. I find it interesting that no woman have replied too.


majicat profile image

majicat 6 years ago

Foreignpress; " a deep seething anger" ? Yes, I guess there is although it isn't something that I really want to admit to myself. Brie, what you said was "what do I have to show for it?" I realize now that weren't talking about money and really, I can and have said those very words; "what do I have to show for it?" after 27 years of giving up my life and taking good care of her and my children,(she did not work for the most part) she up and runs off with a man who looked creepily just like her father.

My Son and daughter in law just had a baby. My ex has so much animosity that there is a giant rift she won't set aside even for an event such as this. When I say, what do I have to show for it, I am not talking about money, I Am talking about love and contentment and family. this was what I wanted and what I was building. I and my ex were both devoted christians. she promised me that she would love me till the day she died, but she is still living and giving herself to some other person. Where does that leave me? I am so completely jaded about marriage because I trusted in it's fabric, in it's strength. Now I know that people may honestly believe and trust that their commitment is forever, but in reality, you and they don't know how they will feel in a few years or even months. Where does it leave me when I am deeply human and need love and affection? I guess that is why this struck such a raw nerve in me. Not trusting in the sanctity of marriage because of the nature of sin that infected everything, I simply do not want to go to that well anymore, but then I should let the archaic (to me) Judeao/christian sexual laws keep me from any fulfillment at all? to answer the question; "what am I left with?", the answer, painfully...... is nothing.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Well, I understand that to be betrayed is an awful thing but to let it continue to affect you (something which is very difficult I'm sure) long after the event has happened just hurts you. You should pray to God to help you forgive for your own sake.


old-married 6 years ago

This makes a lot of sense. Sex is a important part of marriage, more for some less for others. Consider not discussing religion before marriage, consider not discussing if kids are desired. In fact lets go into marriage knowing as little as possible about the other party! Think of the increased anticipation and excitement of discovering all about your new spouse.

True some less spiritual folks may be upset as they discover their new spouse has utterly different world view and expectations but so what, it is really not about this life at all but the next one.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I never said that you shouldn't discuss it, in fact the very reason for the blog is that you should get to know someone better instead of using sex as the barometer.


George J Hardy profile image

George J Hardy 6 years ago from Southern New Jersey

Brie, you definitely hit a raw nerve with this Hub. I tend to blame everything on hormones and society, albeit individual behavior has lost all sense of the romantic and passion. Not only do men and women have to fight that which is natural, but also environmental factors (environmental estrogen's). Our modern society is effected by much around us so that our efforts at morality and romanticism are much more difficult. We are products of our own making. Fat, lazy even for love, overly preoccupied with illegitimate pleasures and lacking in social graces. God help us !


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Yes George, only God CAN help us because are pretty far gone. Sad to see it on our watch.


gracefaith profile image

gracefaith 6 years ago from United Kingdom

Well here's a woman's response. I think sex before marriage should be avoided, this because I am a Christian. However I have many non- Christian friends who think that sex is a messy part of a relationship and admit that sex creates a bond which does result in heartbreak when their love is not reciprocated.

I feel this is a really interesting area to write on for so many reasons. I love that you have went where no one else seems keen to. What inspired you to write on this?

Also you may be interested in the hub I just wrote on men and women's attitudes to one another. Let me know what you think of it if you get a moment!

Grace and peace,

Fiona :)


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Thanks for writing Fiona. How did I come across this topic? Well, let me think. I was thinking about it one evening and I was thinking about how we always think God just wants to rain on all of our fun when in reality sex before marriage is just not worth it for women. I can't speak for mean, well because I'm not a man. But for women, what do we get out of it really? If we love the man and he doesn't want to marry us, we get a heartbreak, if we don't fall in love with the man, what do we get...messy break ups. I just looked back on my life and finally saw that God was right all along and that if all women did this how much better off we all would be. It was an "ahh haa" moment for me really. I think many times we just think God's laws are really not what is best when in reality they are perfect. I don't know, it just hit me like a ton of bricks one evening.

Thanks again for writing and I will check out your site as well.


gracefaith profile image

gracefaith 6 years ago from United Kingdom

I am delighted to hear God has worked in your life in the ways He has. I will keep you in my prayers and subscribe to your hubs. Can't wait to hear more from you!

Blessings sister,

Fiona :)


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Thanks grace, check out some of the poems (I read that you like poetry). Tell us about Scotland, I would love to know about Scotland in your Hubs, land of Braveheart one of my favorite films.


Keith S profile image

Keith S 6 years ago

Brie, I agree with you. I have always wondered if many women weren't deluding themselves about all this sexual freedom It seems that the feminine gender is the gender that must pay the greater consequences when it comes to premarital sex.

I wonder what would happen if instead of glamorizing sex by producing such offerings as sex in the city, Hollywood produced something like Single Aids Infected Mom who Had Sex In The City. The highlights would be struggling with dirty diapers, bills, daycare, illness, doctors, worry, and very little social life.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Awww reality! Well, I don't think that show will be out soon but we can hope. Regarding women I think we do suffer the consequences of immorality to a greater extent.

Keith are you a fan?


blackreign2012 profile image

blackreign2012 6 years ago

The idea sounds great but in order to accomplish that would require a hard look and a reshuffling on what's important in our society. Nowadays everybody clings to that do what feels good attitude instead of realizing there are rules to life and how to navigate in it. Tv, music videos, movies magazines all promote promiscuity and preys on the desperate for love. The feminist movement had serious side effects. Not saying it wasn't a good thing but bad things came out of it. The movement took women out of the home placing them in a male dominated workforce away from the children. So who is minding the store? It has since made men take more feminine roles (being taken care of by women, not striving to embrace true manhood, leaving their children behind in alarming volumes etc.) Now in their new roles women are starting to take on the attitude of men. Bibically we are supposed to be virtuous as women because we are the balance men do not wield. Doing 50 men because you wanted to doesn't make you empowered. It makes you weak because you don't love yourself enough not to particpate in that sort of activity. Real women need no validation of who they are because they already know. but I digress great hub. ~hugs~


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Thanks for your well thought out comments blackreign2012.


How did i end up at this article? 6 years ago

Wow, I thought this article was tongue in cheek but apparently not. Sex before marriage? Why not, it's just sex; a way to release some stress and enjoy a simple pleasure. Done responsibly and respectfully I don't see a problem with it. (It's called safe sex, have you heard about it?)

And you are so naïve thinking the world would change if we didn't have sex before marriage. Do you really think the divorce rate would go down? That it would "foster closer relationships"? Yes, that's right Brie, any cause of divorce is obviously the woman's fault because she had sex before marriage. Note sarcasm here.

Your statements and values reek of a mildly delusional and unconfident woman who possibly does not enjoy sex even now.

I am a confident woman who has enjoyed sex before marriage. Men who state that women shouldn't have sex before marriage are either afraid, hypocrites or the father of the daughter they don't want to go out.

And in your opinion, in your perfect world, what would happen to the women who waited until marriage and then the marriage failed for one of the several reasons they seem to fail now other then sex reasons? What would happen to those women? Would they be in the same class that you seem to hold for "children born out of wedlock"? Would they be the illegitimate women of our time?

Give your head a shake Brie and go and enjoy your self and your body.

Sex should be enjoyed.

Love is what keeps it all together, NOT sex. And they are two completely different things.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Dear "How did I end up at this article", I think it is YOU who are delusional. It is you who refuse to see all the pain that is brought about by our actions and it is you who only see self gratification as a goal when sex before marriage affects millions of children across the country and world. Yes, I think marriages would be better because people would not just think oh, I'll just get out of this easily and easily get into another relationship. I think the whole process would improve.


Jennifer C 6 years ago

This idea is utter bullshit.

I had my heart broken and not slept with a guy when I was dating in high school. I agree it is better to wait to have sex but telling me I won't have my heart broken if I don't is just stupid. I told a high school slut that they would get the guy they wanted if they just stopped sleeping with every guy and left a little mystery there.

I do think that people rush into sex not thinking of the consequences, like it looks like you did.

When I see single mothers........ I blame them. I sure as hell don't feel sorry for them.

They are the ones that chose this life for their children. At least I hope you are getting financial support for your child.

Sexual freedom should mean the ability to not have sex as well. It seems that people think because they can that they should. It seems that teens are pressured into it.

I did not have children and I had one marriage. I left the marriage when my husband wanted me to have children, because it would change my life more than it would his and I found that very unfair.

I think it would be terrible to marry someone just to have sex. Probably a bigger disaster than having a out of wedlock baby.

Men do seem to be in that self gratification mode a lot. I find that extremely repulsive. If women would stop trying to please these sex addicted bastards and left them alone to their own devices, they might come back as civilized beings.

What we need to teach women is that they need to avoid these men with this compulsion.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Jennifer, you state that you think the idea is terrible and then proceed to name several points that you agree with. I think if you really thought about it, you would see that there is more merit in it than you are giving credit for.


How did i end up at this article? 6 years ago

Sex before marriage affects millions of children across the country and world? POOR PARENTING affects millions of children, NOT sex. Do you think children don't suffer that are born to a married couple?

Sex is not the cause of poor relationships. Do you think a woman should jump up and down and stamp her feet and say "but I was a virgin when we met, you owe me, I was a VIRGIN."

There is nothing wrong with self gratification, you make it sound like it's a bad thing; it's not. Sex is not bad or evil or dirty.

Marriage would be improved if people learned to communicate better and reinforced their love and commitment to each other regularly and not took it for granted. Sex doesn't play in to it. You can have a relationship without putting so much in to the whole sex thing. If we could de-emphasize the whole sex thing and put more in to the emotional side of marriage and less in to the physical side of it marriages would improve. Not every man is capable of having sex, is he any less worthy? I think not.

I would love to have coffee/tea with you one day to discuss this, I think we would have a great time agreeing to disagree. :-)

Thank you for trying to make the world a better place and thank you for responding to my post.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I do NOT think sex is bad or dirty, I am just making a case for virtue, I think it's a lost ...virtue and one that would serve us better than promiscuity in so many ways. Do you live in New York?


jennifer c 6 years ago

Let's face it..........child rearing is a losing proposition for women. I saw how unfair it was and said no way. Women lose time, money, health, love....... they lose it all.

I doubt most women even think about what they are doing to themselves and their kids.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I totally disagree, I raised my son alone and I wouldn't be without him for the world, best relationship I ever had!


Jim 6 years ago

I've got to give props to majicat because he has the Big Picture in clear focus.

The big problem is that a very small percentage of people are marriage-worthy. Most people are the end result of faulty upbringing, poor socialization, and inadequate physical characteristics. Are we going to punish the majority of people with loneliness and frustrating chastity just because they aren't marriage quality?

Bea, you are incredibly attractive! What a shame that you feel no fire of life in you and that you've chosen to hide behind some artificial posture of morality. A charade to justify the secret despair that passion may never come your way again. Why should you deny yourself? Who is your chaperon but some dead person's moral imposition?

Perhaps an old common law allowance could be brought back. Fornication Under Consent of the King. We all know how to derive the acronym. A modern variant would be a term limit marriage license of 1 to 3 years, depending on personal property and expectations being brought to the table. Expiration and separation terms would be prearranged and non-contestable. If the marriage was good, the couple may extend for another period of time and makes updates with an attorney present to make sure that separation will go smoothly if the marriage is not renewed. I'm sure there will be clauses for kids and a lump sum payout if the marriage is not renewed. Both walk away free after the settlements.

Marriage in today's society is more an act of equity law than it is a badge of honor in support of a Divine institution, rooted in antiquity. Without property and tax issues, there's not a whole lot of reason to get married, as it exists today.


Jim 6 years ago

Sorry about the misspell of your first name, Brie. I don't know how "Bea" got in my posting!


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Wow, well I guess I'm just not as cynical as you are Jim.


Jim 6 years ago

Oh, I'm not trying to be cynical, Brie. Just trying to come up with a way for the Great Unwashed to enjoy some of the better things in life, while limiting the higher risks and liabilities due to the overall poorer quality of mates that are available. That usually means rent-to-own. I am certainly NOT a part of the Marriage-Worthy Elite so, I DO have a vested interest in seeking some kind of social accommodation for my fellow trolls and frogs.

I believe more people would get married and benefit from the stability and benefits IF the risks were contained and there wasn't a feeling of being TRAPPED! If more people got term-limit marriages (no-fault language could be included), of course there might be more divorces initially but, even more might realize a good thing and stay together. The very act of renewing a marriage every 1 to 3 years, knowing that the exit is always there, would eventually create the kind of stable society that traditional marriage has failed to provide.

Most importantly, the fact that a man can let the marriage expire gives the woman incentive to be sexually available and not nag. The fact that the woman can let the marriage expire gives the man an incentive to stay in shape and be more mindful of her needs. If they both realize that they got married to get laid and they really aren't right for each other, no problem. Just knowing the marriage will end in a few months will prevent or mitigate any animosity and everything is already taken care of. Just call the attorney and make an appointment to dissolve the marriage IAW the contract. BAM! Done. Term limit marriage is the answer!


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Well you have some interesting ideas but I can't say that I would subscribe to them. I'm more a once and for all kind of gal.


Anonymous 6 years ago

I work for a school system that serves plenty of unplanned children. They have no male role models in their lives, and our government pays for their rent and groceries. It is never the childs fault. But all of this generational helplessness could be slowed by women- not getting married, but getting picky about who they sleep with, and demanding some sort of commitment before reproducing. I'm a woman, by the way.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Good point, but I think the best commitment is marriage, thanks for commenting Anonymous.


Jim 6 years ago

Well Brie, high quality ladies like yourself are very hard to come by. You are a keeper and can expect the best.

Thanks for reading my two cents and your polite response. I may just lighten up because of you.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Never hurts to lighten up a bit eh! Thanks for commenting, come back soon :)


Alexandra 6 years ago

I'm sorry, I feel like this article has good intentions, but I just can't agree with it. Marriage is not the ultimate goal for all people in long-term, monogamous relationships, but that doesn't make their relationships any less loving or wonderful. Some people also never get married but have children that they raise together in a perfectly loving, healthy home; I don't see anything wrong with that. It's certainly healthier for the child than being raised by married parents who argue constantly or are neglectful.

You also seem to be (note I said seem to be, so correct me if I'm wrong) operating on the assumption that all women want to get married; a lot of women actually don't. So are they expected to never have sex? That's completely unreasonable.

And, on a final note, I absolutely cannot stand the phrase "illegitimate child"; to me it implies that the child is less of a person because their parents weren't legally married, and it's bullshit to brand the child with a shameful label like that because of something they have no control over. My father was born out of wedlock, but he's one of the smartest, kindest people I know, regardless of his "illegitimate" status.

I'm sorry if that last paragraph in particular seemed a bit hostile, but your usage of that phrase really struck a nerve.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I guess I use the phrase because it means a child born out of wedlock, and it's shorter than saying "a child born out of wedlock". Btw, my son was "a child born out of wedlock" so I don't really think of it as a negative term, just a term.


Leon 6 years ago

(1) Contraception works well.

(2) The risks of disease and pregnancy (either having to care for a child or support them financially) are present for both men and women.

(3) Some women actually enjoy sex.

(4) As humanity is diverse, not all women want to live in the same society, and not all women have the same values.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

1. Contraception doesn't work well enough (as all the illegitimate babies can attest to)

2. True, this just happened to be from a woman's perspective since that is what I am.

3. This has nothing to do with the enjoyment of sex, just the consequences.

4. I'm not even talking about values as much as I am about pros and cons and consequences.


not_bob 6 years ago

While I understand the perspective it is rather simplistic because you completely ignored the ugly side in your post.

Men are driven to sex by biological processes that demand that we succeed in procreation, even violently if necessary, with ample evidence of rape or sexual violence against women in our world you may well be advocating a return to a world you never knew. The current level of rape in america is low compared to many parts of the world - why is that?

If we were to succesfully return to a chaste society we would be be very much like many parts of asia, honor killings would have to return, arranged marriages would be a huge element because the people who would protect you from the men of the world would be your family. You can argue that this is not the case but the facts seem to point to a different story india, africa, china are still very traditional societies where marriage is the only route to sex and they have huge levels of sexual assault (generally unreported). Many times higher than the western world and attitudes towards women are very poor indeed amounting to property of the family transferred to property of the husband.

I guess the argument I am making is the equality and respect shared between men and women in the western world has a price that is the sacrifice of the traditional ways and a return to those ways means a loss of the gains that have been made in the areas of equality.

I know that this may be viewed as a feminist position but I am male, married for 20+, father of 3 - as an anthropologist I see things in a little different light than some and my compass points to less respect and success for women not more.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

You have a very interesting comment "not_bob", I'll have to ponder this for awhile. I do thank you for your comment because I hadn't thought of this angle.


chris 6 years ago

You're kidding

First off, there s the whole problem of sexual compatibility. You meet a nice boy, fall in love, and get married. What do you do when you find out you just don't click on a sexual level? He could be rally into something that is a complete turn off for you. Do you divorce his ass?

Secondly, writing off sex just to avoid heartbreak is a bit much. We live in a grown-up world and the risks of sex (physical and emotional) are part of it. You don't stop skiing just because you can get hurt, you just wear a helmet.

That being said, you have a right to your body and decisions but your arguments hardly make for a compelling case


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

You are after all...a man.


chris 6 years ago

Please, that is such a cop out.

Because I happen to have a Y chromosome I must be opposed to the idea of courting. I would never sleep with a woman whom i would not date, and even if I were to have a one night stand, it's not like I'm using the woman involved. If you do your job right, she's getting just as much out of it as you are


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

The current state of affairs testifies against your opinion.


chris 6 years ago

you make amazingly concise and reasonable points


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Thank you :)


inkerror profile image

inkerror 6 years ago from chennai

Nice article....

every women should read this.....not only to follow but to realize what its consequence are..

I cant agree completely but can appreciate your way of thinking..

sreelal

www.redfrock.com


blake4d profile image

blake4d 6 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

Not all of us are the bad immortal people you seem to believe. Yes I agree with you in essence, but even women who have not followed to your code of conduct can change the world. They do it everyday. And before you ask, I was very happily married for almost a decade, then my wife died of cancer. And yes she had had sex before I met her, even had a child with her first husband. But she and I did not have sex before our marriage. Just to be clear. She was a very devout Christian woman...but she would not have agreed that every life has exactly the same rules and lessons to learn. Too bad your dogmatic interpretation of the Bible, seems to delute your compassion, and your heart.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

blake4d, you are very judgmental. I am not making moral judgments here...at all! In fact, I have a son, born out of wedlock. I am making a social statement only.


blake4d profile image

blake4d 6 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

As are you.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

How so?


Debarshi Dutta profile image

Debarshi Dutta 6 years ago from Calcutta

You have thought very well, and this hub is well-intentioned. It's good to know how you feel.

You have a very valid point here, and it would be very nice of woman to opt for chastity so the good old order comes back once more.

The world again becomes a place where where romance, love, intimacy and passion reclaim their dignity and orientation.....

and illegitimacy, disease, divorce, pornography and loneliness are discarded.

And all Gentlemen also feel the same way. The mutual respect between a Man and a Woman comes back that mutual respect which is always there between a gentleman and lady..and most truly said..the responsibility is upon women mostly to choose the path of chastity.

Yet none of this would ever become possible again.

I say this because I know why it would never become possible again.

This is the 21st Century and we have too many choices at our disposal; we are free to choose whatever we want to choose.

Such a situation can never make us integrated, sincere and loyal towards any one person or idea...

and all in all Idealism has been utterly defeated by 21st century Materialism which is unscrupulous and thoughtless...and People no longer think of another person as another person with similar idealistic principles and direction..but another person with similar materialistic appetite .

We tend to objectify each other.

Idealism creates love between two people and keeps it that way.

Materialism creates lust between two people and keeps it that way.

Unfortunately the 21st century is a mechanized society where we continuously produce and consume and we want to buy whatever we can creating a situation where one can sell everything one can..and soon without a warning..we too become people we buy and we sell..we become products of our own consumption.

So sex becomes a thoughtless act. An objective physical action people no longer think or feel much about.

So people in the 21st century have no way out of their mechanized and technological environment..and this the very environment we created is responsible for who we are and how we behave.

However I must admire you as this is a very honorable attitude and opinion that you have and wish there were more women like you who thought and felt the same.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Thanks Debarshi, what a well thought out, well written response...and unfortunately you are right.


Big Poppa 6 years ago

Interesting post. I did forward it to my teenaged daughter as it might give her pause to think about her actions for at least one milisecond longer than she gives them now.

Personally, I have never waited to have sex. If they did not drop them panties on the first or second date, I dropped them. If I was after them for sex, it was either cut give it up or get the hell out.

Sounds callous and neanderthal I know, but it is honest. Hell, I even got engaged to a girl once just to get into her panties. And was glad I didn't really want to get married to her as I have had better sex with a drunk one legged prostitute in Thailand than she gave me.

By the way, how many men have gotten to thumb your love button?


CW2 Mike 6 years ago

You know, in principle I don't disagree with you, but you make it sound like sex is something women have done *to* them...

I prefer a strong, smart woman; Nothing is as sexually attractive as confidence...


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

CW2 Mike: What was said that makes you think that?


CW2 Mike 6 years ago

Oh, I don't know. how about: "However, have you ever realized that having sex before marriage is like a lose lose proposition for women? What do you get out of it? " and then you list the 7 consequences of having just "wasted yourself".

That's a pretty clear judgement on anyone who doesn't proscribe chastity and virginity. Sex is something 2 people enter (no pun intended) into together. Not something that one party does to the other.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Well, I wasn't speaking of the temporary pleasure. I was speaking of the consequences for women. And yes I think having sex with a multitude of partners with no commitment is wasting your body, mind and soul. It makes sex common.


Bright 6 years ago

You know, I am really glad SOMEBODY has finally pointed out that sex is a lose-lose game. I mean, seriously, you're risking your own health (STDs and pregnancy are bad for your body!), independence, financial situation (most single parents are not well-off) and emotional well-being for... what, exactly? Some feel-good chemistry in your brain that lasts a couple seconds? The (temporary, in many cases) "love" or appreciation from your partner? Seriously, that is a LOUSY trade-off right there. Particularly if your partner has no intention of sticking around to care for any offspring... Even if they pay for it, somebody STILL has to do the work (yes, it's work!) of raising the kid. I've often thought that the world would be a hugely better place if people quit having sex for everything except intentional childbearing.

I seriously wish there was a medicine people could take that would just turn off their sex drive altogether, so that sex didn't rule the world anymore. Think about it. I think even men would benefit. Seriously, fellas, what if women couldn't manipulate you anymore into buying them drinks and things because they were hot? What if you didn't have to worry about getting that unexpected erection at a socially inappropriate moment? What if sex-based advertising no longer had any impact on you? What if you could logically pick your partners based on traits you actually LIKED about them, rather than their hip-to-waist ratio or the size of their breasts? What if you could appreciate women for their personalities, smarts, or ability to work hard and earn money? Wouldn't that make it easier to pick a compatible life partner (assuming you'd prefer not to live alone, which would then also be an option?) What if instead of always having to hound your girlfriend or wife to satisfy some stupid biological urge that was bothering you (or cheat on her to satisfy that urge, but risk your reputation, family or finances) you could just take a pill and not think about it anymore? I think the world would be much better off for both genders. I think at the end of the day, men suffer from having to deal with their sex drives as much as women do... just in different ways.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Interesting comments Bright. I do want to state that I think sex is a wonderful thing that God created to meld two people together. I just think it's been abused so much that it is almost entirely unrecognizable in its proper state.


Matthew 6 years ago

I don't understand.

I absolutely agree that there are consequences to having sex. There is no denying that. Pregnancy is Terrifying. Diseases do exist. We weigh the benefits against its consequences to see if we will even entertain the idea, let alone the act. I agree that there are a huge number of people that confuse sexual freedom with promiscuity, I've met a number of them. One of my closest friends was one of them. We still talk about it, and she has since reformed her relationship with sex, but not to cut it out of her life altogether. Rather, to evaluate why she does. When she does. Who it is with. How she feels and whether or not she will be happy about the whole situation afterwards. It leaves space for exploration, curiosity. It leaves space for committed relationships. It leaves room for an awful lot of fun, but ensures that she is safe, regardless of the situation.

As with most issues that Do inevitably arise in all societies, the answer is Alwaysalways education. Not only for the information that it lends, but it allows for critical thought, which I feel is what all those stories of depraved women and their 'illegitimate' children lack. A relationship is something that has to constantly be evaluated! Similar goals, ideas, dreams and fears. If those don't line up enough, or honesty isn't a fact, people get hurt. Mistakes are made. Sex is by no means to blame, nor anyone's choice to or to not enjoy it. I am Wildly curious about your relationship with the man who fathered your child. How did you two interact? Did you have sex more than once? Did you use contraceptives? More than one form if you were truly concerned?! Why didn't you just refuse?

I also don't women have this power to withhold from men. It sounds so Sinister. Does the world change if the man isn't the aggressor? I agree that we (yes, I am a Man) technically have fewer attachments to a child than does its mother, but you have all of the same options that we do. Adoption, foster houses. Women are just as intelligent, just as capable of living their lives. There are probably thousands and thousands of couples who desperately want children and can't. I'm in no way advocating donating a child you bore as a crutch if you so happen to get pregnant. But. We are talking about a game of consequences, aren't we?

Relationships are a partnership. Anything outside of a partnership, because of a man or woman's infidelity or dishonesty is something Other than a relationship. You chose who you are with. Simply chose carefully. The legal act of (or religious bond that you call) marriage has absolutely no bearing on compatibility.

I have an awful lot more to say. Ha, but no time to do it.

In case you were wondering. I am 22, unmarried, in school and rather happily having premarital sex with more than one partner. But. It is an informed decision. Knowing Everything that follows with it.

There is no convincing you otherwise. Opinions are near impossible to change. Especially those seeded in religion (which is by no means a bad thing, just something I am weary of). I just think that you underestimate women and their/your capacity to think and feel. Sorry if any of this is disrespectful, but it seems pretty sexist to me...

Thanks for your time.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Thanks for commenting Matthew, I think if one of your liaisons got pregnant you might see things differently.


Jennifer C 6 years ago

Brie Hoffman 4 weeks ago

I totally disagree, I raised my son alone and I wouldn't be without him for the world, best relationship I ever had!

Then Brie........ if that is the case you should love sex without marriage because it gave you your son!!

If you wanted your baby to have a dad then you would have gotten married and had a child.

And who says guys don't court anymore? I have had some ask. I guess it all depends where you are finding your men.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I do love my son but I wish I could have given him a father but his biological father wanted me to have an abortion.


Tchardo profile image

Tchardo 6 years ago

It's one path, one way of progressing toward a productive adulthood. There's a lot to be said in favor of Chastity.

On the other hand, psychologically, coming to terms with oneself as an animal before progressing into adulthood, even, is also an opportunity toward psychological integration with all of oneself.. mental balance... understanding the libido before assigning it it's role in one's life. It's similar thinking to the idea of learning to be a child before learning to be an adolescent... transcending, not repressing. From THAT perspective, true productivity best stems from true health.

There's a lot to be said about abstinence, though...

I'm on the fence.


Driver Jimmy 6 years ago

Gotta take it for a ride before you buy.


Tessa 6 years ago

The problem with women saying "No" is they have to be so strong. Men can be so manipulative, saying, "You must not care for me" or "Every other girl I've dated does it." Pretty soon you start questioning yourself, wondering if you're a freak, wondering if your values are worth hanging onto. I hung onto mine, barely, and the guy I married was romantic and loving and never once pressured me for sex while we were dating. I wish I had saved everything, even kissing, for him alone. We have a wonderful marriage.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Good for you Tessa!


Matthew 6 years ago

Men can be so manipulative?!!

The word is People. People are manipulative, Person is manipulative. A group is not.

Please Don't generalize.

I've met a number of women who wanted to have sex Far earlier in a relationship than I was willing to. All I said was "no". Simplesimple. If they don't understand, then you shouldn't be with them. But don't cast all men as part of a chauvinist, single-minded, borg. That is just ignorance.

Brie, what if Tessa had said that she Did have sex with one of her partners before marriage? Would you think less of her as a human? Would you put some simple modifying comment saying 'oh, well. You never got pregnant. So, how could you really know what it feels like?' Like you did for my last post.

Marriage doesn't suffer because of premarital sex.

How do you, Brie, even define sex?! What about EVERYTHING else that is involved. What if Tessa (Totally hypothetical, I'm sure you are an absolutely lovely person in real life) was some wicked sadist, or sexual deviant, but never went so far as to have penetrative intercourse. Would she still be so pure in your mind?

Frustrated..


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I disagree, I think marriage does suffer because of premarital sex and I think people (people!) suffer because of it.


Matthew 6 years ago

Once again, you deftly ignore the majority of the points made.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Matthew: I get a lot of comments, I have over 100 hubs I don't just spend my day responding to them. I have a life.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Bonjour please don't use profanity, if you want to repost your comment remove the profanity and I will allow it.


foreignpress 6 years ago from Denver

Wow! So much venom. What I find incredible is that HP -- like Craiglist's Rant & Rave -- is merely a forum for opinion. Agree to disagree then move on. I'll bet people pace the floor for hours thinking of a good comeback argument. Some respondents need a hobby.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Agreed Foreignpress!


Heina 6 years ago

Are you actually suggesting that your idea is revolutionary? It actually is one in practice in Muslim countries, and women are far from being revered as goddesses there.

By the way, pregnancy is preventable. Use a condom and back it up with an IUD or the Pill. Bam, no babies. I've been having sex 4 times a week for five years now, and I've not even had a scare.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

The IUD prevents babies by aborting them and the pill isn't good for you. I think it is revolutionary here, we don't live in a muslim culture thank God. Women are treated terribly in muslim cultures because that is what their religion teaches, it has nothing to do with sexual virtue.


Nutcase Alert 6 years ago

This Article is stupid. I had sex when I was 16, AND I was brought up in a Religious family. This advice means ZILCH in the real world. Get out of your bubble of Theology and Christianity. Honestly, Sex is one of the greatest pleasures in life. You can't expect someone to Commit to everyone.


50 year old white guy 6 years ago

I forgot... what was the pastor's name who performed the marriage ceremony for Adam and Eve?


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Yaweh


50 year old white guy 6 years ago

Think deeper than that Brie. Think institution of marriage vs the basis of marriage.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

It's almost midnight, I can't think deep at this hour!


50 year old white guy 6 years ago

OK, you get a pass.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

nighty night


Nikko 6 years ago

I do agree that marriage and relationships in this day and age lack romance,passion and real love.Thats a lost art for the majority of people.Only a few still know how and have marriages like this and the younger the generation the less romance or if at all there is.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

So true Nikko


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

I never said that women don't want sex. I just think that it's treated too casually and there are many bad consequences that affect women more than men. Personally, I think the divorce laws are too easy too. It's the children who suffer, it's sad to me that so many people are willing to sacrifice them for their own selfish short term desires.


WVUProfPhd 6 years ago

It comes down to education, individual morals. Women have been tought by lesser women sex is just a pleasre and be like men. Men have always seen sex as an instant gratification and a means of taking control away from women. No one sex or person will change any of this, the lower standards are encouraged on television as well as parents not taking time with their children to teach what's important. Start within your own home and maybe from this will branch out to others. Alittle hint Brie ignore the negative individuals responses, the term "feeding into" should be considered. I am certain these individuals as just another means to this issue at hand, more excuses, less intelligence. Let them live with themselves, this will fix their wagon, lol.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Thanks for the comments and advice WVUProfPhd!


Deni Edwards profile image

Deni Edwards 6 years ago from california

Love this hub! Thanks!


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Thanks Deni...I hope you rated it UP, I need all the votes I can get :)


gracenotes profile image

gracenotes 6 years ago from North Texas

I believe in the message of this hub. Women can argue with God, question Him, and complain, but in the end, what God says, goes. Yes, women avoid a lot of heartache by abstaining from sex before marriage. I followed this dictum because I saw the practical benefits as well.

Well I finally did get married for the first time at 48. The marriage lasted for only 6 years, I'm sorry to say. But I'm not cut out for marriage, I'm too independent, and I learned this in the most painful way.

Let me tell you this, though. If you marry, Brie, you can enjoy lovemaking with your husband, and it will be good because it is experienced in a long-term commitment, but at some point, it will become work for you. A sexual relationship must be worked at. You have to use your mental faculties to keep yourself interested. Too few people understand this, and then they get disappointed because the fantasy was so much more appealing than reality.

At this point, even though I still enjoy attention from men, I will not be succumbing to sexual relationships since I am not planning to marry again. I'm very happy.

If marriage is what you want, I hope God blesses you with your every desire. You deserve the best.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Thanks gracenotes...I hope you are right. I am very concerned as well. I have never married and I am 49, however I'm not a virgin so enough said about that :) I would like to marry but I worry because I am quite independent as well. I think when you are alone for 49 years you become independent whether you like it or not. Are you a fan?


gracenotes profile image

gracenotes 6 years ago from North Texas

Yep, I'm a follower here on HP.

Everyone in my family has longevity in marriage and everyone seems to go right along with the plan. No divorces in my family.... except for me.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 6 years ago from Manhattan Author

Oh well, life is more than our mistakes!


Sue 6 years ago

I'm a 52 year old female and while I don't sleep around there is also no way in heck that I would stay in a sexless relationship. None! I don't need marriage to feel loved and cared for. To know there is a commitment. There is alot to life and love and relationships and intimacy is one part of it. I dated a man for some time last summer (a short time) that was nice but a little clingy and more importantly, had a plethora of medical issues that he refused to take care of.... if he had done so then he would have been able to perform, which he wasn't. That was a biggie for me, his inability to take care of himself mostly but yes, I missed the sex.


Englishguy23 4 years ago from Devon, England

I hope you don't mind me posting on this hub as I realise I'm a bit late lol.

I'm a 23 year old guy and I agree with waiting until your married to sleep with someone (and yes I'm now waiting until I'm married, and have been for over a year) I find the hardest part about waiting is finding someone who is willing to wait... I've just told my new gf that I don't belive in sex before marriage anymore and she doesn't believe me!... "yeah we'll see"... "that won't last long"... Etc.

The reason I decided to wait is because I want to always be around for my children... I want to be with someone who is intrested in ME not just sex among other reasons.

I also don't agree with divorce (except I'm extreme circumstances).


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 4 years ago from Manhattan Author

Good for you! I hope that you find the right person!


Englishguy23 4 years ago from Devon, England

Thankyou Brie so do I!

Luckly waiting seems to sort the good from the bad in that if they are only after sex they disappear pretty quickly lol and if they are manipulative they have nothing to manipulate you with!... (can't withold sex if I don't want it until I'm married!) and it also means that I will (hopefully) find someone with the same morals ie partener is more important than sex, strong belief in marriage, strong family values, faithful and you have loads of time to learn about your partener and develop a really strong emotional bond with one another!

I can't wait until I'm married... And not because of sex... But because it will mean I have finally found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with!


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 4 years ago from Manhattan Author

What a refreshing comment!


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 4 years ago from Manhattan Author

Fred: You can repost without the outside url; I don't allow them. Also, I disagree about contraception as long as it doesn't induce abortion ..I see nothing wrong with that.


Hariom Singhal profile image

Hariom Singhal 3 years ago from INDIA (Haryana) SAMPLA

Good hub. I agree with you .


Esenbee profile image

Esenbee 2 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida

Awesome hub!! Thanks for the video...sex is indeed a subject that is swept under the rug amongst the Christian Church. I'm glad that you are bringing this subject to attention.


no body profile image

no body 2 years ago from Rochester, New York

This article was great Brie. I sit here in my era of living on this earth and remember the woman as either being ground under foot of a man that disregarded God or the woman that was highly regarded and respected by a man that had a strong spiritual side. Both things were happening at once. But little by little, the spiritual man has lost his spirituality and men who regard their women as it is described in Proverbs 31 are steadily disappearing. What is left in their place is a feminized man who can't function in any sense in a family. This effects the women who now must think for their man and do the family thing and go and make a living outside the home. She was never meant to do all these things. And yet some women do it and seem to excel in life.

I quite agree with your statement of the power residing in the woman to simply deny sex before marriage. It would have a profound effect on the family. Men would see that there is a standard for this person, a set of rules which will either draw that man to her or send him running for the hills should he not have that spiritual side. That woman who listens to that small still voice would begin to set a standard and could (I believe) set the balance back that we have lost in America. Thank you.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 2 years ago from Manhattan Author

Thanks Esenbee and no body, I agree.

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