ALL WE NEED IS ANOTHER BIG "EFFING" DEAL

With the microphone at the presidential podium very well on, and working just fine, we heard the vice president quip, "This is a big (effing) deal." Won't that be an amazing little piece for the history books. Yes, the health care bill passed. Right on, Mr. President. Speaking of "effing," the word might well be quite befitting in yet another, less friendly context when applied to what seems very apparent just happened to the American people.

Believe it or not, now there's actually talk about Congress getting a pay raise for doing such great work. You heard it right. You see, they are very much comitted to the belief that this passing of the health care bill was indeed a big "effing" deal in a good way. For all intents and purposes, Congress just got something major done. They passed a massive bill that will forever alter the way health care is distributed and managed. They've affected invariably 1/6th of the U.S. economy. Again, in their eyes all for the better good of the American people. And these folks are absolutely delighted that, by all of their proclamation, they have also invariably saved the economy as this behemoth wonder of a bill will also apparently save the American taxpayer hundreds of millions, even billions of dollars over the years.

Save. Now there's a word. "We didn't lose jobs," said the president. "We saved jobs."

If one thing is clear it is this. Reagan transformed the republican party, restored its ideals, and reset the wheels of greatness leading us into one of the best economic growth periods we have known, all while nearly tearing down the walls of Berlin all by his lonesome. Ah, but behold. Not wanting to be left out, the democrats, seeming to begin sometime around the time President Clinton was having all that "effing" fun in the Oval Office, have been quite busy managing a great transformation of their own. That is, redefining the entire english language one precious word at a time. I can almost hear Barack Obama now, speaking to the masses with such authority, "Mr. Webster, tear...up...that...book."

It depends on what "is" is.

Let's not forget that the word "transparent" now apparently means to be invisible, and "change" now means sleight of hand—it's really not so different from the guy with the nuts under the cups.

But enough digression. It's really this raise thing that bothers me right now. Because who has the power make it so? Them, of course. Congress votes on this for themselves, and it's as clear as the noses are on our faces, that they think they've really done something spectacular here. In their eyes, this big "effing" deal is quite deserving of the ultimate pat on the back? That means more money. More of our money, of course. Never mind that the damn fools apparently never got the very important memo (and I'll really have to start paying licensing fees to the vice president very soon here, I'm sure) that the majority of the American people didn't want the "effing" bill they are so delighted to have passed.

At the end of the day it has to be about the service our elected officials provide us. It has to be about the quality of the work they get done for us. But who gets to decide? Us or them? Well, we know it's them who get to decide. But shouldn't it be us who decide? I mean, that would make much more sense, would it not?

I think we have a good system. It's not always perfect. It doesn't always work. In this case it certainly is experiencing more than a few "effing" hiccups. But it is what it is. I'm an American. I'm proud of my system of government. I'm proud of it's place in the history of the world, and through the years it most certainly has accomplished good things. America is a great place, of that there is no doubt. Our government is by far one of the best. And, look, I have the power to vote the bastards right out of office in November and show clearly my dissent for the decisions they have ultimately made, nonetheless, which were clearly against my wishes. And you bet I "effing" will.

But pay is entirely another matter. Because we're all human, right? When it comes right down to it none of us, not a single one of us, would ever come right out and say "I'm paid way too much for what I do and don't deserve a single penny more." I mean, well, we certainly may think that. We may chuckle and tell that to our friends. But we'd never say that to our boss. And we'd certainly never consider writing a check back to the boss at the end of the year with a little yellow sticky note attached to it saying, "Sorry, but I think you overdid it with the pay this year."

So, when the time comes for the guys in the Congress, or any of our elected leaders for that matter, to vote themselves a raise, of course they are going to say yes, and resoundingly so. Hasn't it been, historically, one of the quickest bills that ever gets passed? They pass those nearly as quickly, if not quicker, than the ones that let them increase the debt levels.

But that is, of course, another matter.

Look, I said earlier that I like the system we have. I said it because I really do believe in my heart that it's a good system. Albeit, our government has its share of flaws. In that, I'm also fully aware that we have a system where we elect people to go to Washington, and carry out our work without a direct input from the American people. We can write letters, we can send emails, we can make telephone calls, we can even lobby. But at the end of the day we cannot vote for the bill, we can only vote for the Congressman or vote him out if we don't like his vote.

Again, pay is another matter. It should be the people who decide when our elected leaders get it right. We're sensible people. We're fair people. We'll let the people we elect have their due when it's right for them to have it.

You, elected official, show us the leadership and the work we want to see, the leadership and work we sent you to Washington for, and we'll give you what's due to you. We will decide. Us. The American people. Because if you do well, elected official, if you get it right, then we'll all get our due. You'll leave us with no other alternative but to share in the good you've helped to shape.

The next bill that needs to go before the Congress is one which puts the power to offer pay raises to our elected officials into the hands of the people who they serve by referendum. Because what's a job well "effing" done in their eyes isn't necessarily a job well "effing" done in the people's eyes. They'll vote themselves a monetary pat on the back till the cow's come home, and without so much as a second glance. And that's started to cause me some alimentary pain. Something keeps poking me from behind, I swear it. All I know is that it doesn't feel good. I've had about all the alimentary "effing" pain I can stand for the past 12 months. And knowing that Congress might get more of my money whilst doing it might just be the breaking point.