10 Reasons Why You Should Leave Him!

You fall in love and its beautiful. God! Is it BEAUTIFUL! You are desired, wanted, needed, loved by someone you are head-over-heels, inside-out, backside-front in love with. You have a glow on your face, a twinkle in your eyes and a bounce in your step. You feel fulfilled and light and your core is bright. You are a star shining in the sky, the whisper of a heady scent, you are a field full of blossoms. You are solid and liquid all at once. You look around but do not see. You hear all but hardly listen. Nothing can harm you, nothing can shake you, nothing can hurt you while you are a part of that other heart.. Such is the magic, the miracle of true love that your existence is transformed...you are an ethereal being...

....while it lasts....

Here's where it should end...


He is on Drugs or has a drinking Problem...

Check if he is willing to get help. If he has a history of usage but isn't indulging for the past couple of years then he's worth a shot. If not..Need I say more? Let him go!

He Has a Criminal Record..

Well its your personal choice to make. If the guy has cleaned up his act and doesn't seem to have criminal tendencies, then its alright. But if he currently visits the other side of the bars often...Let him go...

He Lives Off You...

Chronic spongers will find a hundred reasons for living off your salary. The fact is if he doesn't work, and you find him glued to the TV all the time, watching ball, or hanging out with his no-good chums, you should know that it won't improve...Let him go..

He is Narcissistic

Some people are so immersed in their own selves that they have a lifelong affair with themselves. Unless you are prepared to be a martyr, do not continue with him. You'll be stripped off your self worth. This guy is gonna drain your heart without a hiccup! Let him go...

He Doesn't Care...

The most insidious and mighty murderer of a lady's heart is neglect. a man who doesn't show care and concern. Who doesn't appreciate you as a human being. Who doesn't think he's lucky to have you is going to break your heart and your mind. Save yourself...Let him go...

He Cheats on You!

Haven't we heard that a million times already? Do NOT stay with someone who isn't faithful to you! He cheats, is caught, and then he cries and asks you to take him back with a thousand promises and vows to never ever in his entire life repeat the mistake. And then what happens? You take him back and he does what he does - again. There might be exceptions to this, but most men who cheat do so repeatedly. If he has no control over his urges and if other women seem more attractive to his eye than you, then its likely he's not that into you. Or else he's a serial lover! Why live with a lying cheat? Let him go....

He Disapproves of Everything, All The Time!

Overly critical men, who find fault with everything you do or say. And express their dislike over how you dress and walk and talk and think are violating your emotional rights. Frankly ask yourself, would he be so critical if he really respected you? He wants to change everything about you "for your own good". Don't buy that line. Constant disapproval and criticism is part of a pattern. That pattern will go on to include a lot more than you bargained for..Its all about control. His control over you..Let him go...

He Bullies You...

Threats of physical violence, bodily harm to you or your family, pushing, shoving, restraining are all expressions of a violent temper and are constituents of domestic violence. This guy is a definite no-no. Report him, get a restraining order, call your friends and family and inform them. This guy is potentially dangerous. Let him go....

He Harms Himself...

If you see self-inflicted wounds or burns on your guy, know that he might be suffering from a psychiatric condition. Try finding out more. Be cautious. If he hasn't been treated and is averse to mental health professionals...Let him go...

He Hits You...

This is not on. Violence in all forms is shameful and detestable. Nobody deserves a sick relationship. Don't rationalize it. Don't blame yourself. Don't blame his daddy. Talk to your friends and his friends, involve your family and his too, if possible. Arrange for your protection. The best route in this situation is the legal route. It won't be easy to get rid of this one. Just...Let him go..

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Comments 25 comments

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BestConcerns 6 years ago

Well etna....with due regards...the person who exhibit these characteristics is sick and probably needs attention,as a doctor gives attention to its sick patient....simply putting the person in the trash can wont be ethical and would be a failure and weakness of the guy/gal.

If i would have spent some time with a once loved soul!!!....i wouldn't let it go if the person goes sick!!

I shall try to be a healer rather than abandon that person in a trash can!!!

Hope you wont get cross on my comment.

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 6 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

Dear bestconcerns. This hub was meant to do exactly that. Bring out strong opinions. I am glad you commented. The kind of people we are talking about here ARE sick. And they do need healers. PROFESSIONAL healers. As you must be aware, even doctors aren't supposed to treat their own family members, so the job should be left to the right people. If the guy is not fit for a relationship, he has to be fit before he can be let loose on first an unsuspecting female, and then on innocent children...

Have you ever met children of violent parents? I have. Women who have been beaten, burnt, raped violated by the "true loves" of their lives? I work with them.

I see scars that run deeper then the flesh...and although i find your idealism very refreshing and beautiful, it isn't the real state of the world. Its better to be aware that some personality traits are parts of a constellation of signs that add up to a disease or a personality/ psychiatric disorder.

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BestConcerns 6 years ago

Well you commented in an excellent way about the brutalities of bullies in a society.

I was wondering if an integral part(say liver) of your body(/family)gets infected;its impossible to separate it from the body till death.

Also i wonder if a son of mine is having these characteristics;will i want him to be thrown in the litter?or can i see him being thrown in the litter by someone?

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 6 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

I think you are deriving all your comments from the picture. Notice that it isn't the GUY who's being thrown into the bin. Its the heart, and that too off the woman! :)

To answer your question, If God forbid, someone in your family suffers from such symptoms, they should seek help. And yes even a son of yours would be unfit for a marital or romantic relationship until treated.

"Throwing in the litter" is an emotional phrase. No one wants that, BestConcerns! we all have the best concerns in our hearts for our fellows. I would say that it becomes a mother's/father's/sister's/brother's responsibility to save the future of their loved one.

You treat your liver/heart/brain if diseased. Or the disease kills both the organ AND you.

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BestConcerns 6 years ago

Hmmm...now its sound diluted !

i am impressed the way you depicted the issues in your last reply.

Diseased should be treated...needing attention and affiliation of the lover (or once a lover): not to be abandoned.

Carry on such informative hubbing! thumbs up!!

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 6 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

Thanks bestconcerns. Just to make another point clear, personality issues, such as these appear early in life. So its unlikely that a husband/wife/romantic partner will "develop" this disorder out of the blue. The most important thing is your and your loved ones' safety. You get your leg amputated when its gangrenous. Right? A romantic partner who has a personality issue should go into therapy.

Ask the women who have spent precious years of their lives, waiting for things to improve. For the morsels of love.

Food for thought: Will you let your kids live with someone who is violent? Even if its the father?

do you know what the children go through when beaten or when they see one of their parents being hit?

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 6 years ago

Etna , I want to write what you have , but in reverse, all or one of these reasons are the things you should know ! BEFORE you fall in "love". It's one thing if one or more of these things sneak up on you ! But, to go blindly into a relationship is foolish. I would advise any woman to not just go blindly into any relationship. But to "know" some things before giving in to the magic of a relationship. All of the characteristics on you're list should exibit some character faults. Ahead of time.

-If he is controlling ?= he's abusive.

- Overly jealous ?= he's hiding something

-unemployed ?= Lazy ?

-Narsasistic ?= selfish ,self centered

-A bully ?= abusive.

On and on, I think sometimes we let the phisycal part of love dictate our hearts too much. The head - the heart which do you want to follow. Great hub! Stay well and be vigilant.

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 6 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

Dear ahorseback... Often at the beginning of a relationship, and some miles into it, people are on their best behavior. Desire dictates that they be what is most attractive to a woman, and not what they actually are. I have seen a lot of people suffering because the love of their dreams, after a few months, became a nightmare from hell.

These controlling and abusive personalities are methodical. They isolate their victim before feasting on them. Its a major concern for professionals. Young girls decipher your list in a very very different way.

The first and foremost thought is usually of loyalty. And most women naively believe that "he will change for me" or "my love will help him". Let me tell you how young, inexperienced girls think (sometimes not-so-young and experienced ones too)

-He is controlling? = He is concerned about me, he cares.

-Overly jealous? = He is possessive because he is crazy about me.

- Unemployed? = He never had responsibilities, now he has ME. Or, people don't GET him, he is different!

-Narcissistic? = That's cute. He's gorgeous, and he chose ME!

-A bully? = He's macho, its testosterone you know! He can protect me.

So my dear ahorseback, life isn't a chessboard of black and white, and my concern are the darker shades of gray!

Thank you for visiting, and leaving such an insightful comment. I will look forward to more feedback from you on my other hubs! Happy hubbing!

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 6 years ago

Etna , what you're sayimg is true . In a way I have always had a sense of Too much reality.[black and white] I watched my mother do exactly what you describe here,spend a life trying to save the boy within the man. And have watched way too many beautiful and kind women try to save the devil. As always we keep "reinventing the wheel" , of love , of true respect and good behaviour. Unfortunately the usual one's that pay the most are the children or the family memebers who have to either stand and watch the downfall of a good woman, or intervene somehow. Perhaps in martyring oneself makes one a little too willing to sacrifice reality for the dreams of camelot. Who knows , but I have always hated to see a bully and there are alot of them. And in varying degrees. I stand an enlightened in your words . Thanks for sharing. And by the way , this is a great service you do here .

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 6 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

Thank you ahorseback, for sharing your experiences and thoughts. Like you, many manage to live through and survive the trauma of seeing their mothers/sisters/daughters/friends belittled and abused. But many can't take it, and regretfully, the wounds on their minds and souls never heal.

Women, in my humble opinion, should give up the role of victims and martyrs. And take up the role of a strong wall and foundation. Which saves the many innocents who stand to suffer due to the woman's sincere but misguided loyalty.

j.amie profile image

j.amie 6 years ago from PA

Something I jotted in my journal a while ago...thought I would share:

"My chest feels like a carnival after midnight. A place once pulsing, now at a halt. Only a bee sting ago my heart was drunk, full up on you…and now I’m stuck on the side of the road. ...a glance out my window to consider which way is more desolate..Beside you, or left behind?"

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 6 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

j.amie...verrrrry well said. I feel the same at times but could never put it so beautifully. Such profound and lyrical expression of hurt and betrayal...Amazing! I am glad to be following you girl!

Nikola.Williams profile image

Nikola.Williams 6 years ago from Paris, France

I pictured myself in her shoes and I realzied that if I see any of those symptoms except maybe if he is cheating or something, the death is near in front of my eyes :D

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 6 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

Thanks for dropping by Nikola.Williams... do you mean you'd be scared to death or that you'd kill the guy?? :)

Nikola.Williams profile image

Nikola.Williams 6 years ago from Paris, France

who!?! I would gently blow an ant away for not to harm it. me and killing? :D

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 6 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

lol NW. I know it sounds scary... but women somehow keep hanging on to these guys..its hard to give up.

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 6 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

Let me explain. The characteristics described in the hub are some of the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. I camouflaged them a little bit and left some things out on purpose. Its prevalent in both the genders but somehow, women tend to stick around with these persons while men usually don't. It isn't suspicion against men. Or even prejudice. Its simply how human beings behave. Women are more inclined to feel guilty if they decide to either take the matters to a professional counselor or break up the relationship. Heated discussions on such articles create awareness and encourage people to talk about the things they are too ashamed to admit to even friends and close associates.

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 6 years ago

Etna, you are correct , Women tend to be the ones with the more " I can fix this ", outlook , and are internally programmed to try harder , Men are probably more apt to run or hide....

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 6 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

Dear ahorsback You are absolutely right. These are just the qualities that make each gender unique...

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

Dear etna, GREAT, GREAT READ! Masterfully-written. LOVED it. Voted up, awesome, useful, interesting. Not funny or beautiful about this subject and I just happen to know women as well as men in this situation. Sad is not the word. I propose the word 'parasite,' to any man who would dare have less than the sense of an animal, to treat any woman like you describe in this hub. Thanks again. I am a fan. Kenneth Avery, Hamilton, Alabama, a small town in northwest Alabama that reminds you of Maybery, where Andy and Barney worked.

LOST 4 years ago


etna5678 profile image

etna5678 4 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

Thank you Kenneth avery!

etna5678 profile image

etna5678 4 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan Author

Dear Lost,

Start with talking to someone you trust and consider wise....

Anonymous 4 years ago

This post is dead on. It's not about being cruel or unjust, it's about protecting yourself.

These reason apply to both women and men, even if the post was written in a gender specific sort of way.

If one wants to speak of fairness, live with an abuser for a while and see how much it changes your perceptions. These type of people do not have fairness in their mind. These type of people exhibit behaviors that you've written about.

Karmallama profile image

Karmallama 3 years ago from St. Paul, minnesota

I think this was a good and helpful hub. I see that people have been sort of "Up in arms" about what you have written and you have articulately retorted. Good job on that as well as the hub. I am just stopping by to comment because I am working my way out of a 6.5 year relationship where the man exhibited some of those unsavory qualities. I tried my best to stay and "help" but I wished I had wised up. I think the reason I never got smarter is partly because of a fault on my behalf. Right now I am dealing with some of the side-effects of that unpleasant relationship, and this hub helped me a bit. Thank you

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