Celebrating Valentine's Day as a Married Couple
For better or for worse, be my Valentine!
Men and women are different. Yes, we are.
Yet, love is universal.
What truly connects you and your spouse with one another?
What brought you together?
What keeps you together?
How do you keep the spark alive?
As Valentine's Day approaches, let's take the time to appreciate, discuss and analyze what connects us to our spouses.
What is that connection?
Scientifically, there is a reason why we are attracted to our spouses. I mean there just has to be a reason why I love his bald head, right? But, on a serious note, one thing we both truly love is to reminisce about how we met and what we instantly loved about each other that made us want to be around each other--all the time.
Connecting is not only a physical phenomenon between spouses, but a very intimate and even complicated one.
It involves a variety of emotions, feelings and ideals that both create about each other. Lives are sewn together as the intimacy grows. Conversations turn into intravenous routes of goals, aspirations and dreams. And suddenly, or over time, depending on the nature of your relationship, the connection is founded.
Therefore, in my opinion, here lies the ultimate foundation of the relationship. In this hub, I'm discussing spousal relationships; therefore, marriage because I am proudly and happily married for years now. Connecting and re-connecting (which is what we do when the connection goes off course or there is a short circuit) is what brings us back together, in unison, and thriving to endure, grow and capture the beauty of the relationship.
The Early Years
The connection starts here and continues throughout the relationship. Why? Because during the early onset of the relationship both a physical and emotional connection occurred that created a bond between the couple that eventually led to the ongoing intimacy ahead.
Intimacy is not only sexual. It is an open, close and familiar bond between the couple that seals the foundation of the relationship. It is a private and cozy environment that originates in the early years.
The early years, or as they so lovingly call it, the "Honeymoon stage" is the time when you share the most time together. The time when no one else exists but you and your significant other. You live and breathe each other. You share and connect routinely, consistenly and genuinely. You are your most vulnerable with and to each other. You quote, laugh and sing life away--together.
The bond of intimacy is at its strongest. Everything is positive, clear and communication is at its peak.
Time is timeless and you can not get enough of each other. We achieve "soul-mate" status. The connection sticks like adhesive in our hearts.
Challenges and Obstacles
Like anything in life, things change. Life's obligatory stresses, at times, get the best of us and unfortunately, many marriages suffer the consequences of such stresses:
- Parenting issues-- if children are involved.
- Work/Life balance or lack thereof.
- Family issues such as in-law politics.
- Domestic abuse (seek professional or legal help)
These are just a few of the many indicators that disconnect a couple, over time, if left untreated which eventually may lead to marital discord.
The very interesting thing about marital challenges and obstacles is the reality that at times these are the things that cause the couple to re-group and collect themselves--if they pay attention and are aware that these issues, if left swept under the rug, can ruin their relationship and lead to separation, heartache and eventually divorce.
Reconnecting with passion after the storm
Romance is always in!
Romance, a powerful feeling of excitement. A mystery that is associated with the same connection that brought you and your spouse together. Therefore, lets rekindle it!
Romance is not only flowers, candy and fine dining, but a sentimental, exciting and loving affair that although is associated with being short lived is instrumental in maintaining the marriage.
Ways to bring that romance; that spark, back into the marriage:
1. Aware of each other at times of needs.
2. Spontaneity: Just do something you know will surprise the other.
3. Date! Hey, that's what you did before you got married!
4. Role play: No explanation needed!
5. Love and respect each other--always!
This may seem trivial and even simplistic, but think about it, in this day and age where modern times have absorbed many of the basic traditions, rituals and customs, marriage still remains.
Communication is more than talk!
Expressing each others emotions, and respecting each others values and feelings is always a challenge, but communication is more than talk. It is!
There are times when saying less is saying more. Arguments are perfect examples. Anger causes us to say things we will regret later, but actions will echo in the psyche.
Take the time to acknowledge that if we chose to marry and to be together then agreeing to disagree is fair in love and war. Yes, talk about it, but do not dwell about it. Walk away and come back and offer that olive branch of love and peace. You and your spouse will be better for it. It may not be easy, but if you invested in the marriage and chose to stay in it, then it is well worth it.
Cupid is here!
Valentine's Day is every day!
Let February 14, of any year, represent not only a day of love, but past, present and future as well. Appreciating, respecting, loving and caring for one another should not be expressed one day out of three hundred and sixty five, but every day.
If love brought you together, then let it ALWAYS be what keeps you together.
Happy V day!
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