Dating Tips: What She's Really Thinking

We all know women rarely say what they mean – we’d rather force men to guess what we’re thinking. Yeah, we know it’s impossible, but that doesn’t seem to matter. These examples of what women really think will give you a clue as to what’s going on in her head.

Mind you, they’re a bit tongue-in-cheek – but don’t let that fool you. I promise these thoughts have bounced through the heads plenty of women. Ready?

Do I look fat in this?

• Translation: You had better tell me I look fantastic, and I’d better not hear a single second of hesitation, or you’re never getting nookie again.

• Why she does it: There are a number of reasons women do this one. It could be as simple her just fishing for compliments, but more often it means she’s feeling a bit insecure and wants her man to let her know he finds her physically attractive. Either way, if you hesitate for even a nanosecond, you’re in for a bumpy ride. Do yourself a favor and just tell her she looks fantastic – and sound sincere.

How does my hair look?

• Translation: You’d better tell me my hair looks fantastic, or I’m going to pout for the entire evening. Besides, if you don’t flatter me, you may never get nookie again.

• Why she does it: Same generally reasons as those listed above. She’s pretty much just fishing for compliments. If she does this a lot, it’s an indication you don’t give them out as frequently as you could.

No, I don’t mind if your gorgeous colleague goes on a business-trip with you.

• Translation: I’m going to call you 5 million times between now and when the trip is over – and if you don’t answer each call by the 2nd ring, I’m going to castrate you when you get home. Which means you’ll never get nookie again.

• Why she does it: Cos she knows it would sound petty to voice concerns about you traveling with a woman. Or doing anything else with a woman, for that matter. So instead of asking something that makes her sound jealous, she’d rather behave in a manner Glen Close would admire.

You’re going to be late for dinner for the 25th time this month? Sure, no problem, I’ll save something for you.

• Translation: Late again, eh? I bet you’re secretly wining and dining your secretary. Since you’ve probably already eaten, you won’t need my famous roast beef, so I’ll pretend I chucked it all by accident and you can go to bed with a grumbling tummy. Oh, and if you complain, you may never get nookie again.

• Why she does it: Cos she doesn't want to sound like a big baby and cry over you coming home late and spoiling the dinner she spent all day making. It's so much easier to just make you miserable.

I have a headache.

• Translation: I’d rather watch the Home Shopping Network than sleep with you. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be in a better mood and can go back to pretending you rock my world. PS, if you nag me for nookie, you may never get nookie again.

• Why she does it: Most likely this one happens when she's PMS'ing. Enough said, right? So there you are – proof that women are just as poor at communicating as men!