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- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
The Top 10 Dating Rules For Men
Two Star Crossed Lovers
Regular readers of my work may remember a hub that I wrote a while back relating to finding a date online. This hub is essentially a follow up to that and thus operates under the assumption that whomever reads this has met a fantastic girl, been on two or three dates and come to an agreement that they can regard each other as boy/girlfriend.
Before I launch headstrong into hub itself, I think it’s important to point out that following the rules blindly in this sort of environment is never a good idea. Remember you are dealing with people, not some sort of alien species that needs to be conquered. But joking aside, people are different, and while some of these rules could be counted as universal, others are a little more flexible. So try to think of them more as guidelines rather than strict rules like the kind you see in a school or workplace.
These rules will probably appeal mostly to people who are just starting out in the crazy world of relationships. But they can still prove useful for people who have been in long term relationships, especially if their relationship has hit a rut. Sometimes reminding yourselves of the rules you applied when you first started dating can help reignite the long lost fire and passion. Okay, now on to the rules…
10. Don't Talk Too Much About Your Past
This rule specifically applies to ex-girlfriends, it’s okay to reminisce about precious memories from your youth, just make sure you keep any talk about your past loves to a minimum. And if you do, keep it brief and positive, never badmouth your exes whatsoever and never mention past sexual encounters, as this may lead to jealously on your current girlfriends part, and also sow the seeds of doubt in her mind as to whether you are truly over her.
While it’s important to heed this advice regarding your own behaviour, be mindful of hers too. If she starts talking too much about her exes, then it may be time to at least communicate and point out to her that you’re not interested in hearing about that hunky guy who took her to the prom. If she persists, then think about reevaluating your relationship and whether you can deal with somebody with deep rooted issues.
This Is A Goddess
9. She Is Not A Goddess
One of the most important rules to remember when in a relationship is to remember that your girlfriend is a real person with qualities and faults. While it’s essential to compliment your girl on occasion; for heaven’s sake do not place her on a pedestal and worship the ground she walks on. While compliments certainly boost confidence and self-esteem, worshipping your girl like a goddess may have worked in Shakespearian or Jane Austen times, but it doesn't do so now. Your girlfriend wants you to know that you both recognise and forgive her faults. If you do that, she should do the same for you.
But of course, do not go to the opposite extreme, because the end result will likely be you signing up once again to a dating website or going back to that nightclub. Remember that occasional compliments and romantic gestures are always welcomed and appreciated. Just don’t do it too often, spontaneity makes life interesting.
More On Dating
8. Don't Get Clingy
One of the biggest mistakes anyone can make in the initial stages of a relationship is becoming too enthusiastic or clingy. There’s no better feeling than the one you experience when you've just started seeing someone. You think about them all of the time and you want to spend every waking moment with them. And when you’re not able to be with them in person, you may find yourself staring at your phone toiling with the idea of calling or texting them. While these sorts of feelings are entirely normal, it’s important to remember that the two of you are individuals and have separate lives, or at least you should have.
One of the most important words you can ascribe to any relationship is ‘space.’ Too often couples literally live in each other’s pockets, and while some people may like this, the majority of us find such a lifestyle suffocating. So don’t bombard her with texts and calls, it’s okay to contact her every day, but make sure she responds before sending another. Also, do not initiate contact every time; if you want a rough guide, then do not initiate contact more than three times in a row. Make her do some of the chasing. Always leave them wanting more.
7. Don't Lead Her On
For men especially, the desire or need to be in a relationship can often lead to a situation where you lead a girl on that you’re not necessarily attracted to. I've been that situation myself and instead of feeling happy, all I felt was guilt and shame. Remember to trust your instincts, they’re usually pretty good at informing you whether a particular girl is right for you or not. Once you hear alarm bells, have the courage to stand up and walk away.
It can be tempting to pursue a lost cause for a variety of reasons, and indeed many people willingly stick by a partner who is clearly not right for them, and even start a family with them. But in my opinion at least, the most important aspect to a relationship is compatibility, if it’s not there, then walk away…after expressing your feelings to your girlfriend of course.
This one should be easy, but it’s amazing how often men make catastrophic mistakes by either delivering too many and coming across as desperate, or not doing enough and coming across as negligent and self-absorbed. The best policy to adopt in regards to compliments is simply to apply them when it’s appropriate. For example if she buys a new dress, and it looks good, then tell her. If she makes you laugh, then tell her that she’s funny.
This rule is strongly linked to rule 9; as I've already mentioned it’s okay to pay your girlfriend the occasional compliment, but don’t go overboard. While they’d probably never admit it to your face, women love men who leave them wanting more. You may have heard the saying that women love a man who is something of a mystery. Well…there’s a lot of truth behind that. So bear it in mind.
The Perfect Face
5. Never Discuss Other Women
In any established relationship discussing other women is a cardinal sin, as it breeds both insecurity and jealousy. However, if, for example you've met a girl online, then there’s a very good chance that she won’t be the only girl you’re dating. While it’s important to at least inform them about any other women you may be seeing, never, and I repeat never discuss them in depth.
Even more important than never discussing other women, never ever check out any other girls, no matter how hard the temptation strikes. Personally I've always been of the opinion that if you truly like your girlfriend then you won’t notice other girls at all. If you find your gaze drifting to other women, then perhaps the time has come to ask yourself how much you truly love your girlfriend and also reevaluate whether you really want to be in a relationship with that particular person.
Don't Allow This To Happen To You
4. Don't Let Yourself Go
We all make an effort in the early stages; we wear our trendiest clothes, and pile on both the deodorant and aftershave. Those of us that shave, make sure that our faces are as smooth as a baby’s bottom. And if we have to, we ensure that any unsightly hair growing in certain places is removed. But all too often, as the relationship progresses, there is an almost irresistible temptation to simply let yourself go.
Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that it can be very hard for us men to scrub up, when normally we just prefer to slob around. But believe me it’s worth it and it actually makes you feel good inside when you do. You can understand where the saying ‘Look good, feel good,’ comes from. Whatever you do, try to not let things slide too much, remember that she’s your girlfriend and not your flatmate. Always make sure that your personal hygiene is always up to scratch, don’t gain weight and don’t slacken your appearance and choice of attire.
Might Be A Bit Early For This
3. Don't Rush Things
Putting it simply, trying to rush or force things in a relationship stinks of desperation and clinginess. Try to maintain a life outside of your relationship, don’t let hobbies slide and don’t abandon your friends. Remember that a true long lasting relationship develops organically over time. Don’t work to timetables or deadlines, and whatever you do, do not make three or five year plans. Also, try to avoid telling her that you love within the first month of seeing her, as again that stinks of desperation.
While rushing things is bad, the opposite can be just as disastrous, don’t be the kind of person who won’t kiss or hug on a first date, as she’ll quickly come to regard you as a frigid, and that, as we men know all too well is an instant turn off. Allow things to develop naturally; keep in mind this very simple and famous saying: ‘Whatever will be, will be.’
A Very Useful Link
- Top 10: Timeless Dating Rules - AskMen
This website served as inspiration for this hub.
2. Don't Contact Your Exes...Too Much
We've all experienced break ups before, and while many end in heartbreak, equally as many end on amicable terms. When your ex asks if you and she can be friends and she genuinely means it, and you genuinely mean it when you acquiesce to her request, that's great! But if you do decide to take the plunge back into the dating pool then make sure that your ex isn't lingering around you, as this will obviously breed jealousy and decrease your chances of forming any sort of relationship with another woman.
I’m not saying cut your ex off completely, but limit contact to the occasional text, email, or the occasional catch up. However, if you are back in the dating game and your ex makes a move on you or brings up the subject of getting back together, then you have to make a choice. Do you risk getting your heart broken by the same woman, or do you hold out for the woman who will truly be right for you? The choice is yours, but whatever you decide, the outcome won’t be pretty for at least one of the parties involved. Personally, I rarely keep any sort of contact with an ex, as for me, even seeing them brings back bad memories. I’m very much a believer in ensuring that the past stays the past and keeping my mind in the present.
1. Don't Lose Faith
I've put this at number one, simply because no matter what happens, never lose faith. Not every date will run smoothly, sometimes you may commit some sort of social blunder, or circumstances beyond your control may conspire to tarnish what was supposed to be the perfect date. Remember that not every relationship will work out; sometimes even if you do find a girl you really connect well with, it doesn't mean that the end result will be wedding bells. Life can sometimes seem boring, but in reality it’s anything but, in fact it’s wholly unpredictable.
Don’t drive yourself mad trying to find the absolute perfect woman, keep your mind open, and focus more on chemistry and compatibility, rather than good looks. Try not to allow yourself to think that there’s such thing as a perfect soul mate, because that notion is a popular myth. The reality is that there are hundreds of potential soul mates within close proximity of your postcode, it's just a case of finding one you connect with.
Hopefully by following these relatively easy rules…or guidelines. You should enjoy a long and happy life with a woman who’s not only your lover, but also the greatest friend you’ll ever have. Good luck.