Friends or Friends, I Never Could Judge.

Friendship Forever

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Friends Like These

Come my friend and sit a while, share my hammock between these trees. Drink some elderberry wine in the cool shade from the sun, and bite a piece of cherry pie. Let us stay a while enjoying each other’s company, talk, laugh and cry, because neither of us knows what tomorrow will bring. Be it rain or shine, nothing ever stays the same. People come and friends go, only passing acquaintances in the cool dark night, but real friends stay for life.

How many times do we let friendship slip through our fingers, or how many times do we hold on to a relationship that has no worth? We are all guilty of doing both of these things, so what makes a true friend or relationship pass the test of time and remain true? I believe it is due to an ability to see everybody as an individual and admire them for that.Disappointment only comes from trying to change people, instead of appreciating them for who they are, warts and all.

I married the first time when I was twenty two, such a grown woman I thought I was and I remember my Auntie Nell’s words on my wedding day “You don’t have to go through with this if you are unsure,” If only I had listened. Not just listened but believed in what my heart was telling me, and that was that this relationship was just not right. Instead I made myself believe that I could not break Graham’s heart. I could not hurt him on our wedding day. Looking back now, I had known long before our wedding day that I was not totally committed, but foolishly I ploughed on and even made myself believe that it would be fine. Graham and I had been dating for seven years before we decided to get married. He was a lovely man, caring, considerate and a great provider. Our home was commented upon by everyone who visited, some comparing it to a show house, while other’s constantly told us how lucky we were. Graham and I held a special bond with each other, a strong friendship and for most of the time we were very happy, but neither of us could say that we were fulfilled. Gradually I felt as if I was married to a comfy pair of slippers, reliable and sturdy. For five years we rubbed shoulders, shared a home and each other, but there was no excitement, not even a flicker, the flame just went out.

Fortunately, because we were friends, the line of communication was always left open in our marriage, and as I tended to follow all things equestrian; Graham followed the International Speedway Circuit and eventually we just shared a house. Graham found a lovely girl who worked in our local pub and they became close, and he wanted his freedom. We sat in that courtroom together talking quietly and not disagreeing with anything that the divorce judge mentioned. Later on in the day with the sun shining brightly we spent a brilliant afternoon in each other’s company. We walked along the Promenade in my hometown of Southport and had a bite of lunch, and never looked back.Thankfully there were no children involved and today 32 years later, we still speak.

I am a very trusting person by nature and as my partner says, very gullible too. I try to take people at face value and don’t judge, in the hope that those people will treat me in the same way as I would like to be treated. This doesn’t always follow on. I can recall being in my late twenties, working with an advertising agency dealing with key account holders. I drove an old but very presentable Ford Escort estate in bright yellow; but my boss hated it and constantly told me to buy something a little classier. Being true to myself I constantly argued the merit of my car. It was a multipurpose vehicle. It carried bales of hay to my horse, carried hard feed and shavings to the stable yard and it had a tow bar, so as I could continue attending shows with the mare I owned at the time.

I used to park my car in the train station car park while I was in the office and came away from work one evening to find that my car had been stolen.I was devastated, in a state of shock and ran back to the office to phone for the police. Jim, my boss revelled in the fact that the car had been stolen, gloated for all he was worth and at the same time reminded me that my job would be at risk if I didn’t have another car by the end of the week. Being a very good little girl, I went along to the bank to borrow the money and put myself in debt to buy another car. When suddenly, once my new car was insured, my beloved bright yellow faithful friend was returned; put back in the same place where I had left it parked. No guess as to who had stolen it in the first place. But I still carried on working for Jim, giving him 110% commitment to my job, but that type of friend I could have done without!

So the moral of my little story is “Don’t ever go by appearances, some people will be true to you, usually the ones you least expect to be, while others deserve to be dumped ungainly in the manure.”

I wish I had the sense to understand who is who, because this old wooden head could have been so much happier in life.

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Comments 26 comments

thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

MarleneB, I am very pleased to meet you and thank you so much for leaving me such a lovely comment. x


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

Hi Happyboomernurse, lovely to have you visit my little corner on Hub Pages space. Thank you so much for your encouragements comments. It never ceases to amaze me how even at my age I can still be so gullible. I always thought that I had a good handle on personality as to not fall into the trap of getting hurt, but sadly it happens to most of us on a weekly basis. The only difference now is that I am a little too crusty to realise it most of the time lol


MarleneB profile image

MarleneB 5 years ago from Northern California, USA

Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I am inspired by you and the way you handle life.


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 5 years ago from South Carolina

Wonderful hub about the pleasures, benefits and also pitfalls of friendship, even in marriage. I too, like to give people the benefit of the doubt and can be quite gullible. Through the years I've learned to be more discerning but in general, I'd still rather err on the side of being open and trusting unless someone's actions prove otherwise.

Your marriage and later divorce from your first husband was quite an unusual story. It showed much dignity and inner strength on your part that you were able to avoid the bitterness and spiteful legal battles that most divorcing couples fall prey to. It says alot about your character.

That ex-boss was a real snake though and you summed the meaning of this hub up nicely when you said, “Don’t ever go by appearances, some people will be true to you, usually the ones you least expect to be, while others deserve to be dumped ungainly in the manure.”

Voted up across the board.


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

Hi mar, thank you dear heart for your every supportive comments, your friendship is never in doubt and I am glad to share my life and my ramblings with you. Ever onwards and upwards is the way to go, join me at the top lol


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Net,

I love this from start to "almost finish". The last line needs tweaking (LOL)!! Voted UP & UABI...!

Your life is just beginning, girlfriend... you have many wonderful adventures and challenges ahead in your journey! You have gotten so strong and wise from your life experiences and now you will be unstoppable! I, for one, cannot wait to see this process unfold, as your friendship means the world. Always, mar.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

... well you have been a big part of my online life here at the Hub - always supportive and loyal and sincere and so gracious - it has been my privilege and honor to receive your company and also to read a world class writer and human being such as yourself.

lake erie time 1:22pm


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

QudsiaP, Hi girlfriend. Recently I definitely know who my real friends are and who are the ones that I can trust. It has been a hard lesson to learn, but learn I have and that is all that matters. x


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

Hi Richard, how are you and your beautiful Naylin today? Thank you for stopping by, I will be catching up with you very soon. x


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

aalways exploring, thank you darling for your comment, I totally agree a good true friend are worth their weight in gold, it is knowing which one they are that is the problem. x


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

writer20, isn't fate strange, you are indeed meant for each other. I once had an enquiry for a foal bred sired by my Blue, but the mare was still in foal and the guy was told that it was silly to reserve the foal at that time, because we didn't know what it was going to be. Several weeks later the guy rang back, the mare had foaled and he wanted the foal without seeing it. Especially when I had called it Dancer, (his first horse was called Dancer), and the date he was born was on his wifes birthday! x


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

The important thing is that... Now you know. :)


Richard Proctor profile image

Richard Proctor 5 years ago

wonderful story. thank you for sharing with it us


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

Thank you so much for sharing this story. A good friend is worth more than gold. A true friend would never use you. You have a good heart.

Cheers


writer20 profile image

writer20 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

England to Los Angeles that's the 6,000 miles.My husband and I both divorce in a November of the same year in different countries. Also his mother's birthday and mine are the same.

Do you think we were ment to be together, because I do?


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

Cardissa, how goes it my beautiful friend? I always said all of my life that I never wanted to change. I always wanted to be there for everyone and I still foolishly am. As every day passes someone hurts me and at times I get fed up with what I have, you have the sense to put your guard up, me I am just totally stupid. x


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

writer20, you go girlfriend and you did 6000 miles away omg how did that come about. We all make bad choices sometimes, but if we learn from them as I have done, it makes us stronger and wiser. Thinking of you dear heart. x


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

Eidween, you are so right, Hub Pages is a family and the members support is awesome, and I thank you for yours dear heart.


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

marellen, hello hunnie, thank goodness for true friends they are so precious, but unfortunately you can never tell who is who until your chips are down.


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

Frog, thank you very much for your insightful comment. Life is certainly full of challenges and decisions. Iv'e made a few wrong turns in my lifetime but you can't look back, so I move on.


writer20 profile image

writer20 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

I stayed single for fourteen years not wanting to get pinned down to a wrong man. I found him 6,000 miles away.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

I too have matured when to comes to figuring out who is who. I used to be so trusting but have been burned too many times.


writer20 profile image

writer20 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

Great story, I exactly now how you felt getting a divorce when young.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

This is indeed brilliant, u love the fact that here on HubPages we can publish and also we can learn. I vote up all the way here.

Take care

Eiddwem.


marellen 5 years ago

How lucky for you that your first marriage was so nice. I would of taken that over what I had to endure.

A good friend to me is someone I can count on. If I phoned them in the middle of the night would they come to help? If the answer is yes, then there is my answer. Of course having things in common and being compatible also helps.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX

Thanks for sharing that part of you. I believe that the lessons of life are put before you so that you can learn and become a better person for the experiences. I believe that you have.

The Frog

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