Friends or Friends, I Never Could Judge.

Come my friend and sit a while, share my hammock between these trees. Drink some elderberry wine in the cool shade from the sun, and bite a piece of cherry pie. Let us stay a while enjoying each other’s company, talk, laugh and cry, because neither of us knows what tomorrow will bring. Be it rain or shine, nothing ever stays the same. People come and friends go, only passing acquaintances in the cool dark night, but real friends stay for life.

How many times do we let friendship slip through our fingers, or how many times do we hold on to a relationship that has no worth? We are all guilty of doing both of these things, so what makes a true friend or relationship pass the test of time and remain true? I believe it is due to an ability to see everybody as an individual and admire them for that.Disappointment only comes from trying to change people, instead of appreciating them for who they are, warts and all.

I married the first time when I was twenty two, such a grown woman I thought I was and I remember my Auntie Nell’s words on my wedding day “You don’t have to go through with this if you are unsure,” If only I had listened. Not just listened but believed in what my heart was telling me, and that was that this relationship was just not right. Instead I made myself believe that I could not break Graham’s heart. I could not hurt him on our wedding day. Looking back now, I had known long before our wedding day that I was not totally committed, but foolishly I ploughed on and even made myself believe that it would be fine. Graham and I had been dating for seven years before we decided to get married. He was a lovely man, caring, considerate and a great provider. Our home was commented upon by everyone who visited, some comparing it to a show house, while other’s constantly told us how lucky we were. Graham and I held a special bond with each other, a strong friendship and for most of the time we were very happy, but neither of us could say that we were fulfilled. Gradually I felt as if I was married to a comfy pair of slippers, reliable and sturdy. For five years we rubbed shoulders, shared a home and each other, but there was no excitement, not even a flicker, the flame just went out.

Fortunately, because we were friends, the line of communication was always left open in our marriage, and as I tended to follow all things equestrian; Graham followed the International Speedway Circuit and eventually we just shared a house. Graham found a lovely girl who worked in our local pub and they became close, and he wanted his freedom. We sat in that courtroom together talking quietly and not disagreeing with anything that the divorce judge mentioned. Later on in the day with the sun shining brightly we spent a brilliant afternoon in each other’s company. We walked along the Promenade in my hometown of Southport and had a bite of lunch, and never looked back.Thankfully there were no children involved and today 32 years later, we still speak.

I am a very trusting person by nature and as my partner says, very gullible too. I try to take people at face value and don’t judge, in the hope that those people will treat me in the same way as I would like to be treated. This doesn’t always follow on. I can recall being in my late twenties, working with an advertising agency dealing with key account holders. I drove an old but very presentable Ford Escort estate in bright yellow; but my boss hated it and constantly told me to buy something a little classier. Being true to myself I constantly argued the merit of my car. It was a multipurpose vehicle. It carried bales of hay to my horse, carried hard feed and shavings to the stable yard and it had a tow bar, so as I could continue attending shows with the mare I owned at the time.

I used to park my car in the train station car park while I was in the office and came away from work one evening to find that my car had been stolen.I was devastated, in a state of shock and ran back to the office to phone for the police. Jim, my boss revelled in the fact that the car had been stolen, gloated for all he was worth and at the same time reminded me that my job would be at risk if I didn’t have another car by the end of the week. Being a very good little girl, I went along to the bank to borrow the money and put myself in debt to buy another car. When suddenly, once my new car was insured, my beloved bright yellow faithful friend was returned; put back in the same place where I had left it parked. No guess as to who had stolen it in the first place. But I still carried on working for Jim, giving him 110% commitment to my job, but that type of friend I could have done without!

So the moral of my little story is “Don’t ever go by appearances, some people will be true to you, usually the ones you least expect to be, while others deserve to be dumped ungainly in the manure.”

I wish I had the sense to understand who is who, because this old wooden head could have been so much happier in life.