Heartaches.

 

"Heartaches."

 © -MFB III 

 

Heartaches
like a toothache
in the middle of my sternum,
burning like sterno
freshly lit.

Joy reduced to ash,
ashes pulverized by
the continued beating
of the heart.

Between aches
comes a roaring in my ears
pounding like holy rollers
in my temples.

Great loss
recently excised
that managed to
stay around long enough,
to grip my heartstrings
and pull them,
like spastic elastic
far beyond their ability
to stretch.

The exact reverse
of what it feels like
when you're first in love.

That rush of adrenaline,
the lump in your chest,
the I can't catch my breath,
ohhhh,there she is
pittapatterpittapaterpittapaterpit.

But this is a caustic crush
a-drain-a-line
in reverse
through a meat grinder
of pain.

Memories churning,
grief returning,
Oh to just cut
this aching heart out,
and throw it as far
as the most distant star,
tumbling in scarlet
and yellow flame,
through the universe.

But then the soul will step through
that hole left by its expulsion
bringing with it
eternal sorrow.

Heartaches take time,
rest, and rejuvenate
focus on something beautiful,
that is still around.
empty the mind
of all the burrs that
stir the heart into
agony....and just breathe.

Relief came somewhat when
I held the hand of my small child.

He knows so little of heartache.
I looked for a second or two
into his eyes, the depth of those pools
know mostly peace and joy for now.
it swept me with a flood
of tears as he just said " I Love you!."

How sad that this magic
children know so young,it wears away
as their eyes see the reality
of the world at large.

As their hearts are burdened
with words that wound
and adult games that hurt
and love that is not
uncompromising.

Heartaches begin then
and the youthful elation
fades.

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