How to DUMP a FRUMP in 10 easy steps

And now, something for the men...

After many hubs aimed at the womenfolk, here's one for the men, inspired by TOF, an old codger from New Zealand.

What does it mean to DUMP someone? What is a FRUMP?

D=Ditch; U=Uninspiring; M=Miserable; P=Person.

F=Forgettable/Frigid; R=Rabid; U=Unattractive; M=Miserable/Mean/Menopuasal; P=Person

Basically, it's when you get rid of a girlfriend you no longer want or need. There is no easy way to do it. When I said 10 easy steps I lied. However you do it, the girlfriend is going to feel hurt and probably a little, no make that a lot, angry. So, the secret to do it, is subtley, in stages. A slow withdrawal of affection. DO NOT break up by sending an email or an sms/text message. That is rather cowardly and some girls deliberately misread what you say. The best way to do it, is face to face, in a public place so that she cannot be a drama queen and cause an unpleasant scene. Some girls might still try the pouring the ice cold frosty down the front of your pants though, but at least in a public place they are less inclined to break the bottle or smash the can over your head afterwards. Your nerves and pride might be a bit shattered, but at least in a public place you'll come out physically unscathed. Oh, and make sure you have over time collected all your personal possessions, BEFORE you break up and end the relationship. Because chances are, you'll never get them back again, or if you do, it'll be at a price you won't be able to afford. Collecting your stuff after the break-up also means you are at risk of getting into a Fuck Buddy situation. Don't go there, it doesn't work. The hurt continues and you'll just give her hope it's a passing phase.

Angry, hateful break-ups are not the worth the pain. You have to do it gently, sending out plenty of advance signals. The Rough Dumps make you feel like shit and will incur the hatred of all her friends. Something you might not want to happen if you fancy your chances with some of them. In some ways, Rough Dumps, are easier for her to cope with. She knows for a fact then that it's definitely over. However, she might feel inspired to plot revenge with some of her buddies over a couple of shots of vodka at the club. You don't want to go there.

Top Ten Ways to subtly start breaking off a relationship

  1. Cut down on the communication. Start returning fewer and fewer of her calls. Try and always be distracted in her company. Avoid making sparkling conversation and become monosyllabic. Yawn when she starts talking about her life.
  2. Start making hints about a desire for space. Turn down date offers saying you just want to be alone or need some space. Say one night a weekend is enough for you. Don't talk about wanting to find yourself, as she might want to help you. Avoid too much psychobabble though, as she's probably read all those Sel-help books and will trip you up with your limited knowledge.
  3. Chat up her friends or random people when you go out. If you ignore her and chat animatedly to other people around her, she might start getting the feeling that something is up.
  4. Forget dates. This is quite hard to do if you're a nice person, but it does work really well. Forget important dates like birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine's Day. Forget to pick her up for dates you've planned in advance as well.
  5. No sex, headache. No matter what a horny bastard you are, get yourself a blow up doll or a sock puppet. If you start turning down sex and say you have a headache, she'll soon get the message that all is not right in the Garden of Eden, as no man ever turns down sex, right?
  6. Watch movies and TV shows she hates. Change the channel to something you know she hates. You might piss her off so much, that she might break up with you, which is the best thing all round, isn't it?
  7. Start playing and listening to music you know she hates. This will make her mad, which will give you a good reason not to return her calls.
  8. Take her to a grotty restaurant. Or better still, if she's a vegetarian, take her to an all you can eat meat place, and order the biggest steak medium-rare, so you can enjoy it in front of her with the blood and juices running liberally down your chin. Or, if she's allergic to seafood, take her to a seafood restaurant. Be creative.
  9. Hang out with your friends you know she hates. Everybody has friends their partner hates. Make sure you start spending time with friends you know she hates to be around, or who make her feel uncomfortable. Sooner rather than later, she'll start cancelling dates when you'd be hanging out with those friends, and she will eventually just fade away.
  10. Avoid touching. No arms around each other, hand holding, stroking her feet, licking her nipples, nothing. No contact at all. Become a frigid friend, rather than a touchy-feely boyfriend. If she does touch you. Shiver subconciously.

So to sum up, let her down gently over time before you make your final breaking-up announcement, which you do in person and in a public place. Be clear and concise in what you say and don't leave any hope that you might eventually come around. Say something like you're not a good fit, or don't have enough common interests, or want different things in life. DO NOT say that her company is boring, she's a shit shag and has pimples on her bum which makes you want to vomit during anal sex. Don't insist on staying friends. End it completely. And, get your stuff from her BEFORE you break up.

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Comments 44 comments

The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

ENOUGH of this old codger malarkey, your just bitter cos the Boks got their bums kicked. So what do I do to dump frumps, you've just listed my normal loving behaviour.

here ya go

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

TOF, lol, what a typical loving Kiwi man you are! I'm itching for the Trinations to start!

The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

We of the Shaky Isles are noted for our concern and modesty.

Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

Hehe, Cindy you are full of good advice. Hope TOF is appropriately grateful! :P

Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

"If she does touch you. Shiver subconciously." lol hahaha. That's a riot! I think I have actually done that.

shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 7 years ago

I love all these tips, God, this could work :):) hehehe

Thanks Cindyvine

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\Brenda Scully 7 years ago

nice one........ you promised and you delivered now we cannot say fairer than that

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

TOF, Kiwis noted for concern and modesty? hahahah what a riot. Wasn't it 70 years ago they were still eating each other?

FP, not sure if anything can satisfy TOF. He is a man of insatiable appetites.

Christoph, you are a bad boy. I shall have to spank you.

Shamel, let me know how your breaking up goes! lol

Brenda, yep, some of the men were whinging that I was picking on them. What little cry babies they are!

Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

From the list you supply, it would appear that I've spent more time being dumped than actually being in relationships. Oh dear. Next, you have to write a hub on a Frumpitude Index, so we can know whether we are being frumpy. . .

The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

No CV, 70 years ago we were quite civilised, it's only recently some have reverted. Something to do with historical rights. Missionaries in outlying suburbs of Auckland are now traveling in pairs and avoiding bicycles.

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

This is hilarious, Cindy. Really enjoyed it. And, BTW, good advice

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Teresa, a frumptitude index sounds like a bloody good idea! I'll definitely work on that!

TOF, maybe that's why all the lawnmowers I ever owned in Auckland were stolen! They were probably changed into missionary chopping machines!

Alekhouse, thanks for the comment, thought I'd better advise the men before they started crying and feeling left out again!

Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

CindyLou you are better than any advice columnist out there!

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ralwus 7 years ago

ROFLMAO@comment on old codger. He took that better than I thought he would. hehe I prefer the cowardly way and just run oof without goodbyes and such, then hide, in a hole for a year.

Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

Oh so now I know what all of those subtle messages meant. lol. Man I sure cannot take a hint. Great hub!

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Thanks Candie! Was actually thinking today, I'd love to be able to write a column somewhere! Just not sure how one goes about getting in!

CC, you probably send your parrot like a carrier pigeon with the goodbye message!

TM, yeah that space one I know! "I need some space," and then you reply, "If I move any closer to the edge of the bed, I'll fall off!"

eovery profile image

eovery 7 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

I just miss GoldenToads comments here. Toad!

He would have fun with this one.

Keep on Hubbing!

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Yeah Eovery, it sure is missed around here. It's not quite the same without him!

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 7 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

This is a little worrying as my hubby has had some of these traits for nearly 40 years lol

frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 7 years ago

cindy - my ex-husband did 1,2 and 6 all the time we were together. That says it all really. Weird how he wouldn't let go though when I'd had a belly full and left.

Still, I'll point my sons at this .Better they're armed in the event they meet some frumps :)

Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines


you are an expert on relationships! maybe next time i would do the dumping. LOL :D

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Ethel, I think some men are confused and have no idea what they want. They tend to confuse dreams with reality.

Sometimes Froggy, we are more afraid of being by ourselves and all alone, that we are of being with someone we no longer have feelings for. So, we hang on, hoping things will change and they don't.

Cris my man! How art thou? Yeah, give dumping a try!

blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

Hahaha I loved it!!!!! You forgot the one-two-three cut off the lobe trick. Honestly I never saw that guy again after I accidentally did that.

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

You cut off his lobe? How? Why? When?

Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

Old hairdresser trick *winks* then looked shocked and gasp "OH NOoooo - I'm soooooo sorry!" bad...

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Ah, well that's why I don't know about it. I put a pot on my daughter's head to cut around it and it looked so awful, never cut hair again!

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

Good one Cindy, TOF certainly approved lol agree with Teresa , A Frump Index' could help a lot of us out there!!

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Yeah Hawkes, am working on the frump index, coming soon!

Jodi Hoeksel profile image

Jodi Hoeksel 7 years ago

You could start your oun relationship show " Sex and Cindyvine"! Good one! :)

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Wish I could have a Sin Devine column in a magazine, Jodi!

Jodi Hoeksel profile image

Jodi Hoeksel 7 years ago

Oh, yes, but of course! That would suit you much better! I would be a commited reader for sure! ;)

One of my dazy dreams is to be Cary Bradshaw!

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Well Jodi, if you ever waant to read my novel, you can buy it off Amazon!

profile image

Am I dead, yet? 7 years ago

ROFL! Cindy! Where were you a few years ago! This would have solved a lot of conflicts in my past. I shall refer to this one if the need arises! Expertly done.

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Thanks AIDY!

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hubpageswriter 7 years ago

Very well written, I enjoy reading this.. :)

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Maybe you can try out some of my tips, Hubpageswriter!

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twin twino odero 7 years ago

thanks alot.i have been looking for that formula.she has disturbed me more than enough.its the right time i move to step one.............

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Glad to be of service, Twin Twino!

How to Break Up 7 years ago

Wow, very direct and to the point. Completely different from the typical advice: "Just be honest and tell her how you feel."

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

HTBU, sometimes people find it hard to tell people what they feel as they don't want to hurt them or are a little cowardly and want to avoid a potential conflict situation.

how to get your girlfriend back 7 years ago

dam. Im not sure which is meaner breaking up with her over the phone or text messages, or what you say to do in 6-9. Those are kind of mean. Is it better to be an ass to her face or behind the phone? Either way she is going to hate you for a while. I might opt to break up with her over the phone rather than having to be mean to her in person. Not sure if I could do all those mean things to her. I try to make people happy when im with them so that would be difficult for me I think. Perfect for those guys who just dont give a Sh$$ or care about her at all.

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town Author

Unfortunately, HTGYGB, there are guys who don't give a continental about the person they are breaking up with!

noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada

lool, great hub ... If only all guys could send such straight signals, it would make our lives much easier =) If anything I hate more than a breakup, is a guy who is saying goodbye yet waving hello, very confusing ... but ur msgs r all consistent and straight to the point ... Rated it up and will be following ur hubs.

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 6 years ago from Cape Town Author

Thanks Noorin, sometimes guys just try and avoid voicing their true feelings and leave some poor girl believing things are better than they are.

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