Love and Intimacy Tips for Long Term Relationships

A lot of the questions that couples and individuals have when it comes to sustaining a fulfilling long term relationship require individualization for the persons involved. Two areas, love and intimacy, can be answered in a more universal way.

Without love, that affection for and caring about another individual and his/her happiness, a relationship may last for a long term, but both parties will be aware of the lack of the strong emotional bond that is the glue that holds two people together. It can happen; you may even know a couple or two who seem to be in a loveless long term relationship -- but the question becomes, "Why would anyone do that to theirself?"

Intimacy, a word that often immediately brings to mind physical intimacy, sex, is more than the sharing of your physical self with another. Emotional intimacy is that which allows you to share your innermost feelings, dreams and desires with another person.

The quality of your long term relationship will be based in large parts on love and intimacy, so what tips can be offered in these two areas?

Long after the romantic love of a relationship fades, the "honeymoon" period where both partners are ecstatically in love, can see no faults in the other, and are generally walking on clouds, there has to be something that holds a long term relationship together -- and that relationship glue is emotional intimacy.

When asked to define emotional intimacy, people have difficulty putting their nebulous versions of the term into words. (See video "How to Create Emotional Intimacy) Defining the term "emotional intimacy" helps you to see what it is both desirable and important in a healthy long term relationship.

Emotional intimacy is a psychological event that occurs between two people when trust and communication between them is shared and fosters the ability of each partner to share his/her innermost thoughts and feelings with the other person.

Emotional intimacy is that ability to feel "safe" with someone without fear of judgment, condemnation or abandonment.

All personal relationships have some degree of emotional intimacy to them -- close friends, family members and romantic partners. The people with whom we feel the most emotionally intimate are the ones we seek out when we have good news to share -- or need comfort and understanding from when we have bad news to share.

Emotional intimacy is something most everyone seeks, even if they don't know the term for it.

If you really want to know how to have a successful, fulfilling long term relationship, talk to people you know who have been together as a couple for many years. It doesn't matter if the folks you talk to are married, in a gay/lesbian relationship, or even necessarily live together. If the couple seems happy, find out what has worked for them. You might be surprised at the insights into love and intimacy you will be privy to.

Keep these tips in mind:

• Respect one another
• Remember that being right isn't always the most important thing
• Cultivate friendships and interests outside of the relationship. This will keep you fresh, interested and interesting
• Do things together. Whatever the two of you enjoy, from cooking meals together to traveling around the world -- build memories and common interests
• Show appreciation for your partner's efforts in life. Provide encouragement when times are tough.
• Make time for romance. After the newness of a relationship wears off, oftentimes people forget to do the little things for one another that show love and intimacy. If she likes long, hot baths, draw her a tub of water or set up a spa-like atmosphere in the bathroom for her. If he likes back rubs, volunteer to give him a massage using warm oil or lotion.
• Learn how to forgive
• Keep communication open. Learn to communicate assertively, not passively nor aggressively.
• Don't punish your partner -- he or she is not a child in need of discipline.
• Be open to growth. Each of you will change over time; change needn't be a negative thing.
• Apologize when you're wrong