"My boyfriend cheated on me" What to do when your boyfriend cheats on you

Why did he cheat on me? Did he find her more beautiful? Do I not deserve true love? Are these questions slicing your heart into pieces? Hold on tight, this is not going to be a smooth ride. Here's how you can deal with this situation.
Why did he cheat on me? Did he find her more beautiful? Do I not deserve true love? Are these questions slicing your heart into pieces? Hold on tight, this is not going to be a smooth ride. Here's how you can deal with this situation. | Source

"My boyfriend cheated on me" are the dreaded words which every girl wishes that she will never have to say. This article promises to stay away from vague words of advice and focus on being real. Getting over the fact that your guy has just slept with another girl can be hard, but you can, and must learn how to come to grips and cope up with the emotional trauma. Here's what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you.

1) Breakup with him immediately

Regardless of how long it has been since you started going out with your boyfriend, or how strong your bond is, there is virtually no excuse for cheating on you. One of the first things you should do is tell him that your relationship is over. Whether or not you decide to patch up with him later is a separate issue, but for the time being he should get the message loud and clear – it's over!

2) Revenge may not be the sweetest thing

"I'll get back to him by sleeping with someone else" If a thought like this is in your mind, stop and calm down. While revenge can be sweet at times, this is not how you want to deal with a cheating partner. Your decision of getting back at him by sleeping with someone else or having a one night stand, it may be the worst decision of your life. Don't let yourself fall to his level.

You are no less beautiful just because he cheated on you. Did Sandra Bullock become less beautiful just because Jesse James cheated on her?
You are no less beautiful just because he cheated on you. Did Sandra Bullock become less beautiful just because Jesse James cheated on her? | Source

3) Don't feel less sexy – You're beautiful

It is only natural for a girl to feel less sexy or less beautiful just because her boyfriend cheated on her. Are you feeling the same way? If you are, one of the first things you should remember is that if Jesse James can cheat on a beautiful woman like Sandra Bullock, anything is possible. You could be the most beautiful, pretty and sexy girl on this planet, but your boyfriend may still cheat on you with another girl. Cheating is his problem, not yours. So don't ever belittle yourself by feeling less beautiful.

4) Don't get violent or physical with him

While you may feel like grabbing the first object that comes to your hand and smashing it over his head for his selfish act, you must remember that being violent or having a physical confrontation is not the way to go. Besides the duh fact that violence is unlawful, you may scar your emotional well being for life if you have a physical confrontation. So whenever you feel like giving him a tight slap across his face, walk away and feel good in knowing that you have taken the high road.

For even the tiniest second, don't feel guilty about the fact that your boyfriend has cheated on you. No matter how turbulent your relationship has become, if you can keep your pants on, so can he!
For even the tiniest second, don't feel guilty about the fact that your boyfriend has cheated on you. No matter how turbulent your relationship has become, if you can keep your pants on, so can he! | Source

5) Don't feel guilty for his mistake

If your boyfriend is trying to blame you for his cheating, feel free to give him a tap on the back of his head to remind him that his cheating ways are in no way a result of your actions. It does not matter if the two of you were having fights nor does it make any difference if the two of you aren't having a good chemistry in bed. No excuse is ever good enough for him to be in bed with a girl behind your back. So if you are feeling pangs of guilt and in some ways believe that you could vaguely be responsible for the fallout, give yourself a wakeup call and be reminded that it's not your fault.

6) Don't be fake and act like you don't care

If you think that trying to act like you don't care and being all bubbly just to try to show your boyfriend that you are cool about the entire episode will make him feel jealous or make him want you back, step back and calm down. While it's great to hide your emotions, showing him that you don't care about your relationship and trying to appear happy and normal may not work in your best interest. In fact, it may make him think "Wow, she doesn't care. If this is how she feels, I'm glad I cheated on her" just because he doesn't see an ounce of sadness on your face. So if you are unhappy, sad and angry about how he has cheated on you, don't be shy and afraid of showing your emotions.

If you've spent the last week lying on your couch, may be it's time you went out with a supportive friend who can take you shopping.
If you've spent the last week lying on your couch, may be it's time you went out with a supportive friend who can take you shopping. | Source

7) Take your best friend with you and go shopping

While it is only natural to feel like sinking into your couch and spending the rest of your life doing nothing but lay low, it is important that you step outside. While you may hear your friends asking you to hang out over even go to parties to get over your cheating boyfriend, Princesswithapen knows that it is easier said than done. An easy way to get out is to go shopping with your bff. Go out and shop for a few things that you love, whether it is a nice pair of denims, a pair of shoes, a few accessories or even a handbag. Shopping will definitely make you feel good and just the whiff of the typical fragrance of a retail outlet or a mall should be enough to lift your spirits, if only for a few moments.

8) Cry it out – You will not be any less strong

Don't ever listen to a cold hearted person asking you to stop crying and just learning how to get over him. It is absolutely natural and okay to cry. You will not become less strong of a woman if you cry. In fact, crying is an awesome emotional outlet and sometimes, you just need to let it all out before you realize that you have to stop crying because your tears are just not worth him, or your relationship.

Have you hit a complete mental road block? Talk to a trustworthy friend or a close family member. They will surely have a few words of love and advice to mend your broken heart.
Have you hit a complete mental road block? Talk to a trustworthy friend or a close family member. They will surely have a few words of love and advice to mend your broken heart. | Source

9) Lean on your friends and family

Being cheated on is probably one of the most harrowing emotional experiences any girl can go through. The feeling is that of a dagger going through the heart, well, maybe even worse. If your boyfriend has cheated on you, you are likely to be in a state of mess – emotionally and physically. Don't feel shy or afraid to take emotional support of your close friends and even your family. Talk to your mother, sister or a close cousin. Talk to your bestie. You desperately need an emotional outlet and someone who can understand the trauma you are going through, without being judgmental. Just make sure that you pick the right person who can keep a secret, else they may end up mocking you or worse yet, end up spreading gossip about you. After all, the last thing you need right now is more pain and hurt in your life.

10) "I won't do it again" Should you believe him? Is it worth giving your relationship another try?

What will you do if your boyfriend comes to you and offers a genuine apology for his sinful act? Will you forgive him if he is on his knees and says "I won't do it ever again"? Would you be willing to give your relationship another try if he relentlessly keeps apologizing to your for weeks together?

While there is no direct answer to this mother of all messy situations, some things that you may want to consider before forgiving your boyfriend for cheating on you are

  • How long has it been since you started going out with him? If it's been just a few weeks/months, it is really a no-brainer. Don't take him back.
  • Does he have a past history of cheating? If you don't know that well, speak to his previous friends and find out if he has cheated on anyone previously. Like they say, old habits die hard. And if he can't help from taking his pants off at every opportunity, you should look beyond the tender feelings you have for him and refuse his apology point blank.
  • What do your friends think about him? If you and your best friends think that this was a one off drunken mistake and your relationship has otherwise stood the test of time, feelings, love and lust over the years, you may want to consider a heartfelt apology.
  • Is he willing to abide by certain rules moving forward? Without a doubt, you will have pangs of doubt and suspicion the next time he goes out for a night out with friends. He must be willing to deal with your insecurities and even the wackiest of suspicions that you may have about his relationship with other females.
  • Does he understand that he will be in debt forever? Your generosity of giving your relationship another chance is the biggest act of forgiveness which will leave him in debt forever. He should be willing to understand and accept this.
  • If you have decided to breakup with him after much consideration and thinking in a mature way, don't decide to go back on your decision. While your boyfriend may try to woo you by putting up a fake facade, you must stay away from giving into your tender emotional state of mind.

Turning to addiction is not going to make the pain go away. See yourself through these hard times and give yourself the happiness that you've always deserved.
Turning to addiction is not going to make the pain go away. See yourself through these hard times and give yourself the happiness that you've always deserved. | Source

11) Don't turn to alcohol or drugs – You are not weak!

While Princesswithapen takes the chance of sounding like a doting mother giving unwanted advice, it is important to remind yourself that turning to alcohol to drown your sorrows away will not undo the fact that your boyfriend slept with another girl. Caving in to an addiction is not going to bring back the happiness in your life. Becoming weak and falling prey to a vice is not make things better. Be strong and be the beautiful girl that you've always been – stay clean, stay healthy and live your life to the fullest! You deserve all the happiness that life has to offer and this unfortunate heartbreak was just a bump on the otherwise beautiful road of life that lies ahead.

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Comments 11 comments

Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

A girl can forgive her boyfriend without taking him back. That shows strength because forgiving is also self-healing. I agree that she should not take him back after cheating. After all, why give a cheater a second chance to give you AIDS or some other dreadful disease?

I always maintain that premarital sex is a time bomb. Most disasters between couples is because of illicit sex--diseases, illigitimate babies, murder, insane jealousy due to too much giving, entrapments (i.e., getting pregnant on purpose), . . . . A girl or guy who engages in premarital sex usually hurts more when disappointment comes than those who save themselves for marriage. Sex is extremely intimate and is obviously designed to consummate a marriage to bring the spouses closer together. Sex is a wedding gift from God. Daters are not supposed to be that close. Thus, the pain after disappointment is greater when they do. How many times have we heard, "I gave him my whole heart. Whatever he wanted, and however he wanted it, I did not deny. How could he do this to me?" It was easy. He is probably used to girls giving up everything, so he helps himself like a dog eating ribeyes. Yes, he is to blame because he is a cheater and so is she. They cheat themselves of that special first-time pleasure that puts the honey in "honeymoon." I know that the world has moved far from "Wait until marriage," but I only spoke the truth. Sometimes we allow a waste of time to block our soulmates.

I am speaking from my own experience and observations of many others. I contemplated suicide when my youthful relationship failed. I was not quite crazy enough to go through with it as you know. Now, when I look back, I know that my choice of God's gift in pants was a joke--breath, britches, and lies.


gregas profile image

gregas 4 years ago from Corona, California.

Hi Princess, Just remember that HE is the loser in this. You are the winner all the way around. Greg


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

This is something most of us have experienced and it is painful. I like your advice. I think forgiveness is important but trust is another issue. It is difficult to have a meaningful relationship when you can trust the other person. It may be that there is someone better for your right around the corner. Hang in there as time eases all pain and this is not your fault.


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

princesswithapen:

I do not assume that an article is a writer's personal experience. So, do not think that ny comments are directed to you. They are directed to anyone who finds them useful.


Daughter Of Maat profile image

Daughter Of Maat 4 years ago from Rural Central Florida

I just thought you should know your hub was stolen on bigezines.com, verbatim, photos and all. It's happening a lot apparently. Here's the link to the stolen hub:

society.bigezine.com/my-boyfriend-cheated-on-me-what-to-do-when-your-boyfriend-cheats-on-you-142307.html

If this was you posting it, I apologize, but so many hubs have been stolen I'm trying to let everyone know if I happent to stumble across their hubs.


Apology4Wolves profile image

Apology4Wolves 4 years ago from Kentucky

K.I.S.S.

Most cheaters cheat until they die. They might not cheat for a while; for months or even years, but they will cheat again.

Boot him to the curb, end of story. There are thousands of men out there that are infinitely better. It doesn't feel that way now, but it's true. Trust me. Cut your losses and live your life. Don't think you can change anything about him--you can't (no matter how much he swears he'll never do it again!).

And if you want to shake him up for the rest of his life, the worst thing a woman can do to an ex is to never ever let him hear under any circumstances the sound of your voice again. He'll think about you twice a week for the rest of his life with deep breaths of regret.


kittykfree profile image

kittykfree 4 years ago

Great hub. People cheat for different reasons. It can help to know why the person cheated. It may not be as simple as them being selfish. If the person is worth it, get to the core of the infidelity. Some people cheat simply because they have the opportunity to and they don't respect their relationship. But, some do it for a serious underlying reason.


Jordan 3 years ago

My boyfriend has cheated on me multiple times yet I still love him and want my life with him I have a kid on the way too which makes things more difficult .


FullOfLoveSites profile image

FullOfLoveSites 3 years ago from United States

Forgive him for his mistake, but if you decide to go on a relationship with him make him know that almost all of the trust should never be regained. He's only human, after all.

However, if you see it as enough reason to break up with him, the decision is yours. You never wish to go on in a relationship with a cheater.

And oh, move on... there are so many more good things you deserve

Voted up and interesting. :)


Sue 3 years ago

Why does it hurts this much? I'm 46.. single, and this is the first time a man cheat on me. He called me and started to tell me about this other person.. I could not hear about it, so I turned the phone off. He called again twice.. I did not answer then he left a msg saying all the stuff - that he has feelings for me, however a bit more for her. I think he decided for her cuz she helped me to get the job he has now.

All this happened two days ago.. and I am not going to talk to him anymore, or answer the phone or anything.

I'm praying that God give me strength to overcome this.. but hurts, really hurts.


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 3 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

Very good hub, and these are perfect suggestions!! Most cheating victims do fall down and blame themselves and get depressed, etc. But you've shown here that that's not an option if you're better than that, or if you may want to try to work on the relationship later. Stand your ground, that's the number one rule. Great job with this hub.

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