Presenting A Study Of 'Rugs' . . .

Super-star entertainer, actress, Pamela Anderson . . .

IS NOT IMMUNE TO HAIR WEAVE MALFUNCTIONS AS SEEN IN THIS PHOTO. KNOW YOUR HAIR DESIGNER, IS WHAT I SUGGEST TO YOU.
IS NOT IMMUNE TO HAIR WEAVE MALFUNCTIONS AS SEEN IN THIS PHOTO. KNOW YOUR HAIR DESIGNER, IS WHAT I SUGGEST TO YOU.

The Shameful Faces of People with Bad Rugs

YEAH. THIS IS GOING TO LAND THAT BIG REAL ESTATE ACCOUNT FOR YOU BY WEARING A WIG THAT RESEMBLES A SWARM OF BEES.
YEAH. THIS IS GOING TO LAND THAT BIG REAL ESTATE ACCOUNT FOR YOU BY WEARING A WIG THAT RESEMBLES A SWARM OF BEES.
GIRL, YOU MAY BE PRETTY AND THE FAVORITE AT YOUR DANCE CLUB, BUT THIS WEAVE HAS TO BE DEALT WITH.
GIRL, YOU MAY BE PRETTY AND THE FAVORITE AT YOUR DANCE CLUB, BUT THIS WEAVE HAS TO BE DEALT WITH.
RUMOR HAS IT THAT DONALD TRUMP, OR "THE DONALD," HIRED A TEAM OF BODYGUARDS, OR RUG GUARDS TO FOLLOW HIM AND MAKE SURE HIS FAMOUS COMB-OVER DIDN'T BLOW OFF.
RUMOR HAS IT THAT DONALD TRUMP, OR "THE DONALD," HIRED A TEAM OF BODYGUARDS, OR RUG GUARDS TO FOLLOW HIM AND MAKE SURE HIS FAMOUS COMB-OVER DIDN'T BLOW OFF.
SERIOUSLY?
SERIOUSLY?
EVEN FORMER MUSIC PRODUCER, AND CONVICTED-MURDERER, PHIL SPECTOR, IS NOT IMMUNE TO THE SHAME OF BEING CAUGHT RUGLESS.
EVEN FORMER MUSIC PRODUCER, AND CONVICTED-MURDERER, PHIL SPECTOR, IS NOT IMMUNE TO THE SHAME OF BEING CAUGHT RUGLESS.
LADY GAGA PROVES THAT BAD WIGS AND HAIR WEAVES CAN BE LESS THAN ENJOYABLE.
LADY GAGA PROVES THAT BAD WIGS AND HAIR WEAVES CAN BE LESS THAN ENJOYABLE.
GIRLS, WOULD YOU BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH A GUY WITH A MULLET? BE HONEST. MAYBE AT ONE TIME THEY WERE COOL, MULLETS, THAT IS, BUT NOT NOW.
GIRLS, WOULD YOU BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH A GUY WITH A MULLET? BE HONEST. MAYBE AT ONE TIME THEY WERE COOL, MULLETS, THAT IS, BUT NOT NOW.

I'M ALMOST BALD

and I make no excuses for what Mother Nature has done to me in my latter years. At first, I was ashamed of being seen in public with my receeding hairline that exposed my shiny head that could be used as a beacon to guide lost ships to safety. I was miserable.


Then something amazing happened. I got honest. Tough with myself. I got full of courage and shouted at a mirror in my house, "I'm balding! So what?" With that self-affirmation, I was free of all the self-loathing. Doubting. And fear of going to eat at a restaurant.


Fact is, when I realized that by NOT changing my appearance, people would get used to seeing me as I was, but if I had chosen to wear a wig, then I would have added-pressure of knowing that in the next moment, my wig could be blown away with a gust of March wind. Who needs added-pressure anyway?


So that's how I turned out. I may be almost-bald, but I'm happy with being "me." And that's all that really matters.


Right?

Let's talk about . . .

rugs. Hair pieces. Weaves. Extensions. Toupee's. Mops. You name it. Wigs, bad or good, have been called several nicknames over the years, and even with modern hair technology, fears remain. Fears that accompany being a human being. And let's so some facing of the truth. Human beings are sometimes. Many times. Targets for fear.

And with opting to wear a wig, there are dark. Secret, fears concerning . . .

How the wig will look on my head?

How people will react when they see 'me' with this five-thousand-dollar hair piece.

Will this wig blow off as easy as an angry gust of wind blowing a lowly housefly from the air?

Will I be made the 'butt of bad jokes,' insults, and laughed at in the office?

Is it possible for insects and birds to nest in this wig without 'me' knowing it?

. . .are just a few of the mind and confidence-shattering fears that go with our decision to change our looks from balding, (talking to men only), to a youthful. Vigorous. Man of envy. A man with a full head of hair.

I've studied it for years. Years, mind you. Long hours spent with cups of black coffee. Sitting alone in a room with one light, thinking of why people want to 'throw caution to the wind,' and 'go for broke,' and come morning, show up at Tom's Wig-A-Rama, and have their looks. Personality. And attitude changed. When their VISA card is swiped through the monitor to the tune of five, or maybe eight-thousand big ones, to just wear a wig. And I'm no nearer the answer to this perplexing quandary now than I was years ago when my study began.

Reasons why people, mostly guys, wear wigs . . .


  • Vanity - a man loses his hair, then loses his youth. Vitality. Bold appearance in the workplace. Or home. Vanity, according to the Bible, is a deadly sin. When used in a useful way, if there be such a thing, vanity can be good for you. But when used to mask a once-young man of action. And fiery passion, it can be very deadly. Embarrassing.
  • Image - is everything to a man. Come on. Be honest, guys. No one, if they were given a lie detector test, would own up to really liking a bald man. But a man with lots of thick, wavy, hair, well you have another story there. Men with hair are invited to office parties. Social functions. Given promising promotions. I wonder, statistically-speaking, what the ratio is between powerful CEO's with hair, and janitors who are bald. Not that there is anything wrong with being a janitor.
  • Looking Cool - is probably the most-obvious reason that men like to wear wigs. Cool guys have hair. Long hair. Salon-styled hair. Hair that girls love to run their hands through--giggling and wanting to go to the guy (with hair) place for a long. Hot. Night of unbridled romance.
  • Success - and hair go hand-in-hand. Face it. How many guys, Telly Savalas and Yul Brenner, excluded, are ever successful? In Telly and Yul's case, these Hollywood icons were super-talented actors. They had charisma. Confidence. Rare traits to men who are bald. Most bald guys are timid. Self-conscious. Loner's. Obscure. Two men are being interviewed for a high-level job. One man has full, thick hair. The other man is bald as a turnip. Which guy do you honestly think will get the job? It's the man with hair all the time. Especially if the job involves selling and interacting with people. There's something trustworthy about a man with hair. Why bald men are not trusted, I do not know?
  • Youth - rates high for a reason a sensible. Level-headed. Middle-age man wants to wear a wig. "Mid-life crises?" Maybe. But inside every man who is lost his hair due to stress from working daylight to dark to support his family, is a young man crying out for help. This middle-age guy notices that his son, "Tony," a stellar athlete in high school, sometimes winces. Grimaces. When bald dad asks him to go with him to the backyard for some football passing practice. Young men and women are honest. They only tolerate bald parents, speaking only of dads here. But they love being seen with a man with hair that blows in wind as he leaps like a scared gazelle running to catch the ball his son has thrown to him. This is a fact.

Things to remember when buying a wig . . .

DO . . .


  • ask the wig salesperson how sturdy the wig is before you buy it
  • ask the wig salesperson if the wig is made from human hair or hair from a horse's mane
  • try the wig on before you sign off to a hefty bill of six-thousand dollars. The salesperson expects you to try this wig on. He or she is a pro. So you be bold. Confident when you are negotiating with the salesperson.
  • ask if the wig has a replacement policy
  • ask how long the wig will last

DON'T . . .


  • act all timid. Weak. Nervous. Or you will be "taken for a ride," by the salesperson. That's why I suggest (in above section) to ask all the questions you like. It's your right as a consumer
  • just settle on the first wig that the salesperson shows you. Believe me. The salesperson needs this sale. Bad. Their quota needs to be made for this quarter. Be choosy. Picky. Finicky as a cat. It will pay off for you when you step out in public with your new wig.
  • show fear. At all. Act like you know a thing or two about wigs. In today's technociety, you have Google and many trusted search engines on your computer. Go online. Seek out all the information about wigs that you can find. Jot down what things you want to ask when buying a wig. The salesperson will be so impressed at your 'wig wisdom,' you might get a discount. And hey single guys, you might get the pretty girl salespeson's phone number along the way. Wisdom of wigs can benefit you.
  • say ignorant things like, "Hun, this wig smells like a dog that has come in from the rain," or "got any wigs that are fireproof?" You are not a fool. Be suave. Take charge. Reply in brief phrases. You don't want to come off looking gullible to this salesperson.
  • wad-up the wig in your hands like it's a grease rag in "Dino's Body Shop," and then toss it on the counter. This gives the salesperson a vibe that you do not know a thing about wigs. And do not get a salesman in the wig store to model the wig for you to see how it looks on him, a perfect stranger. You be the boss. It's your head.

REMEMBER, WHEN WEARING YOUR WIG . . .


Just be cool. Relaxed. Calm. Expect 'some' good-natured, and even a bit of 'hurtful' verbal jabs when you make your debut wearing your wig. Gear up and stand firm. When your boss says, "Hey, Bob, you wearing a piece?" Just laugh. Reply, "no, it's a wig. I don't believe in guns," and with that you have scored a joke that will break the tension in the office so you can continue your workday in peace. This will work. Unless your boss loves guns, and chews you out in front of the office staff. Check on this fact if your boss loves guns or not before popping-off this line about 'wearing a piece.'

When you are on a date with your hot. Steamy. Girlfriend. And you two are seated in the middle of the restaurant, and a fly or gnat should buzz you, do not try to swap it if it heads for your wig. Even the most-durable wigs can come off accidentally. And friend, you want your girlfriend to love your new image. Be on fire for you. Not laughing at you for chasing your runaway wig in the restaurant floor. Just remember: "Fly or gnat, leave it where it's at," and you will be fine.

In case there is that outside chance. Say one in one trillion, that you wig does fall off, or down on your head in front of coworkers, family or your hot, steamy girlfriend in the posy restaurant, do not panic. Be firm, but comical. All you have to do is give people (who are laughing at you) time to settle down and compose themselves, smile sly as a fox, and say, "works every time," wink at your hot. Steamy girlfriend. And enjoy the evening. She will be turned-on with your self-confidence.

Do not be tempted to remove your wig in public and begin to comb and style it yourself. People will start whispering that you are 'not there,' and lonely. Some might even call Homeland Security. And friend, you do not want the laughable title of, "The Rug Terrorist," because if this should happen, you have sealed your life as a social misfit. Socially. And professionally. For Good.

I hope that I've been able to shed some light on the choice of whether or not to buy a wig. This was hard work, guys. You will never fathom just how much work went into this story.

I had to remain focused on information about wigs while dealing with the laser-like glare coming from my head that was reflecting off my computer screen.

Not a fun job. Not at all.








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Comments 18 comments

toys-everywhere profile image

toys-everywhere 4 years ago from That little rambunctious spot in the back of your mind :)

Whoa, Kenneth! Hilarious. Up and awesome :D


picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

pretty funny, but true. Maybe my addition to why people wear wigs goes under image, but one reason is chemo hair loss and women aren't that crazy about going around bald...at least some aren't. I had that problem and really hated wigs by the time it was all said and done. Can't imagine anyone actually wanting to wear one.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, toys-everywhere, thank you very, very much for the comment. Glad that you liked this offering and I appreciate your stopping by. Be good and bless you for reading this.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear picklesandrufus,

I apologize to you. I had no way of knowing about your problem, chemo, right? I am so sorry. If had known, do you think that I would have written this? No. This was, an overall-view of MEN who want to look young forever. And can't. Impress women. And shouldn't. Only a hub of humor. But to you, I sincerely apologize. I shall not venture to this area again. Sincerely, Kenneth


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

An amusing take on people's toppers. Voting this Up and Funny.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, alocsin, thank you sincerely, for this warm comment. And thank YOU for the votes. I wish for you, the BEST New Year EVER with all good things to come to you and your family.

Kenneth


picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

Hi Kenneth,

Just sent you a message. I enjoyed the hub! Didn't take offense in any way, just thinking of another reason to wear a wig/hairpiece. My first thought was why on earth would anyone want to wear one of those things and out popped my comment. Thanks for your kindness.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear picklesandrufus...Whewww (sigh of relief) that you are not upset. Im old-fashioned. Old timey, if you will. And friends like YOURSELF and your feelings are more imporant to me than a good hub. Any day. I would never intentionally HURT, OFFEND, you or anyone. That was one thing my parents taught me early on.

Thanks for YOUR understanding.

Kenneth


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

so funny.. again.. you have the best hubs.

I voted up and awesome

Debbie


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Debbie,

today is January 6, and the sun is shining where I live..yayy. Thank you, Jesus! And thank YOU very much, DEAR friend, for ALL Of your lovely and encouraging comments. And thanks for the vote also. Have a pleasant day.

Your fan and friend,

Kenneth


carolyn a. ridge profile image

carolyn a. ridge 4 years ago

I loved it! You are just too funny, but it sounds like you know your material! (different rugs ... for different floors)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

THANK YOU . . .Dear carolyn, for this wonderful comment. Uhh, well, no, I don't know that much about 'hair hats,' but linoleum, man, Im all over it. I gave myself a Navy Seal hair-buzz yesterday and I WOULDN'T want to ruin this good looking shiny head by putting wig on it...what an insult. Besides...honestly...my days of chasing girls, going after good jobs, impressing people ARE OVER...so for me, I just live me the way that I am. No pressure. No stress. Thanks again, carolyn. I appreciate YOUR words.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

A great read and it left much food for thought.

Here's to many more to share on here.

Take care and enjoy our day.

Eddy.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Eiddwen, thank YOU kindly for your warm comment. I was talking first-person here. These are only MY observations. If you like these products, that's cool by me. I just know that Ive got enough to keep track of without adding to my load.....LOL!

Thanks, KENNETH


anndavis25 profile image

anndavis25 4 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

Commical writing. Humor is far more attractive than a hair piece. Donald Trump photo says it all. LOL.

Women need wigs! You men need us to have hair to run your fingers through. To grab a hand full and pull us to your lips.

As I said in one of your other hubs, I like bald men.

What is it they say about the playground that has no grass?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

WOW . . .(sonic boom effect here) . . .what a great comment. I never considered this fact, ann, that you need hair. And Ive read your 'like bald guys' line and still in shock. You got me good. What about a playground with no grass? Is this a lyrical old saying? It is very interesting.

Please share with me.

Thanks, KENNETH


anndavis25 profile image

anndavis25 4 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

Kenneth, just headed out the door, and grinning because you answered me. The playground has no grass that has a lot of traffic...hence the bald head probably a lot of lovers running her hands through his hair...I don't know. I heard it somewhere. lol.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Ann . . .WOWWWW, what a fantastic line. Saying. I love it. I thank you so much for your friendly-nature and electric attitude. Watch your email for a Special Note of Thanks coming in a few minutes.

Sorry, but Im not from Publishers Clearing House.

Kenneth

PS: I was going to buy a wig...but now....NOTTTT!

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