Relationship Coaching Eby Way

It’s been said that we are born alone and will ultimately die alone. A closer look at this life process reveals that many special people were involved with our birth, and near death experiences seem to indicate that our inevitable passing doesn’t have to be a lonely, scary experience.

The quality of our relationships with others could be one of the most import factors in having a healthier, happier, more productive life. If this is true, why do so many people struggle with finding healthy relationships?

We know the divorce rate is way too high. We know that many of us fail at love, marriage, parenting, and even friendships. Abuse, control, codependency, anger, and frustration are all too common in our quest to achieve meaningful relationships with significant others.

I don’t have all the answers. My first marriage ended in divorce after 14 years. But my second marriage is going strong with a 35^th anniversary coming up this December. I thought you might be interested in some of the tips I can recommend to you about the nature of more positive relationships.

Tip number one: Try to be clear in your own mind about how to define what makes a healthy relationship. For me, it’s all about trying your best to meet each other’s complimentary needs. And above all else, refusing to engage in behavior that would purposely hurt the person you care about. What’s your definition?

Tip number two: This means you make a commitment to be honest about what you need, want, and desire from the relationship; and you look for somebody that will do the same for you. Successful relationships can’t be one sided.

Tip number three: This also means you are willing to work hard at the communication process, which will involve compromise, humility (not humiliation), forgiveness, and trust.

Tip number four: When things get screwed up, you refuse to give up on the relationship until you jointly arrive at a solution or accommodation.

Tip number five: If there is no compromise, humility, forgiveness, and trust, than you know it’s time to let go of the relationship and move on. How does that sound?

Again, I know it’s not simple. I believe all of us can develop the skills necessary to have better, more satisfying relationships. Here are a few of them you might want to practice:

#1. Can you be nurturing, kind, and loving towards yourself?

#2. Do you know how to express your feelings without getting way out of control?

#3. Are you able to demonstrate empathy when listening and giving advice?

#4. Do you have excellent anger management skills?

#5. Can you repeat back what your partner says to you without defending yourself?

#6. Are you able to take time-outs to calm yourself down? And then set boundaries by letting your partner know what’s okay and what’s not?

#7. Can you brainstorm without lecturing?

#8. Do you have faith in something that is stronger than your own ego and self-will?

#9. Are you open to an equal partnership without control, domination, enmeshment, submissiveness, or the “trying-to-fix-somebody” syndrome?

#10. Are you willing to let your guard down, and trust another person with your weaknesses and vulnerabilities?

We don’t have to leave this world miserable, defeated, and alone.