What Is Your Mojo Like? Ahem, I'm Single. No Comment

That's me as a spider caricature getting frisky. I don't stop, even in animation.
That's me as a spider caricature getting frisky. I don't stop, even in animation. | Source
Self portrait of wishful thinking. And my Tarot Card fantasy.
Self portrait of wishful thinking. And my Tarot Card fantasy. | Source
Getting frisky with the camera early in life. Is this inappropriate for my age?
Getting frisky with the camera early in life. Is this inappropriate for my age?
I wish I could be that woman in the sandwich of hot men.
I wish I could be that woman in the sandwich of hot men. | Source

Does mojo expire? Cause I swear I'm in hottie overload.

Warning: there is adult content in this Hub. Back away now if you're under age or overly oppressed.

Irony: The state I'm in now, I'd say I'm probably the latter..... or just in need of something.

What is mojo? Well after watching Mike Myers portray Austine Powers, I've learned that the term "mojo" is another way of referring to "libido." Or as Austin would say, "Are you randy, baby?"

Here's the issue: I've been abstinent for almost a year now, and although it isn't by choice, I'm feeling like a starved survivor on an island. And there are coconuts all over the palm trees and fish in the ocean (although I don't like fish) and I can't get a single taste in my mouth. For sustenance. I'm really, REALLY hungry, okay?

Which brings me to this question: does libido ever go away?

I wonder because I had a really salacious dream about one of my co-workers. No, we haven't been intimate (yet), but the sexual chemistry is thick enough to cut with a knife. Basically, I woke up in a cold sweat at the sound of my alarm at 6:10 in the morning, so I'll never know what would have happened. Just like it's still pending in real life. Nonetheless, I felt cheated from a good experience— even if it's only in my subconscious mind.

Does "it" ever go away? Should I be afraid of losing my mojo?

So as I woke with a big grin on my face, I had the sad fact of reality to tend to: I've been without a real "partner" for almost a year. To be clear, I could get action at any moment, simply by going to a local bar. Shoot, I've even walked those steps a few times. The problem is that the fix is short lived. I want the entire package.... You know, emotional and physical connection. I may starve in the process, but since I'm still a size four, it's obvious that food isn't my sin of choice.... It's lust.

I joke with my other single co-worker about our situation. She has a FB. I don't. :(

I recently read a fascinating book that answered all my questions about why it's so difficult to make a real relationship today. According to Jillian Straus' Unhooked Generation, my generation (Gen X), is too worried about finding their soul mate that they pass up perfectly good relationships because of the "grass is greener" effect. Everyone is seeking some level of a perfect match while claiming they don't want to settle.

Let me tell you something: You will never find perfection. You're not perfect. If you can find someone who's decent, cares about you and makes you happy, you should be tickled.

But the fact remains: I got hot in my dream and there's no one in my life to cuddle with. This is the worst, WORST part about singledom. Don't get me wrong.... I love my new happy single life where no one can push my buttons. But I am a touch double-you-aych-oh-are-eeee. I like to give and receive all the physical gratification possible. For reference, look up the libido of Hungarian women. I want to feel closeness, body heat, a man's hands on my hips (and elsewhere) and a cuddle buddy to sneak up to when I watch a scary movie on Netflix.

Hey, if I have to live vicariously through my dreams, so be it.

I'm not desperate to find someone, hence why you won't find me shmoozing in a local bar for mates. But I do miss the human connection, physically and mentally. My mojo is on high alert. I wish it would just go away, but for now, she seems to have a happy place in my libido.

What are your experiences? How long could you go without sex? Does your libido go away after long pauses? Please share your experience (it would make me feel so much better, along with many others, I'm sure).

What's worse?

What's worse: abstinence or a partner who doesn't satisfy you?

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Comments 12 comments

Sharon Scott 3 years ago

Hm, I guess I would ask why you're really waiting? How does "getting some" now and then keep you from finding The One? I think there's a lot to be learned about yourself and other when you free yourself up from the expectation of something more than having some relaxed fun.

wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Oh, I don't know... maybe fear of the unknown (STDs)? I'm so ready for intimacy, you have no idea...

BpJ 3 years ago

If you haven't yet with the coworker, then it is just wrong for you... so don't. Find somebody to cuddle - it'll happen for you, and you're smart enough to avoid most of the pits. You know it always starts with fun, someone who makes you laugh and laughs with you. Build on that. I know dating can be messy, but that's life. Oh and get some better toys.

wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Ha! The coworker was recently let go at my company, so we never "went there." I am really turned off by guys who are too physically aggressive with me at this point. I know what I'm capable of, and some guy will be lucky to receive it, but until he makes an effort to get close emotionally, and really sees "me" instead of what's on the outside, I'm not buying.

Thanks for the encouragement, BpJ. Having fun is imperative for any guy I'd consider to let close, but reciprocating my level of care, love and affection is as well.

savvydating profile image

savvydating 3 years ago

Hi wonderful1. This is a great article.Your writing is so much fun to read, so it makes sense that you do a lot of it. I'll have to check out your other sites...

Anyway, I thought you had stated somewhere that you're about 40. I know that in my personal case, my libido was highest in my 20's and in my 40's. What I'm saying is that what you are experiencing seems pretty normal to me - although I get the impression that your desire for sexual fulfillment has always been high. At any rate, my recommendation is that you consider dating men who are a bit younger than you are. When I was 43, I met a man who was 31. There was something about him that my body responded to - big time. He wasn't the most handsome man, but he had animal magnetism coming out of his ears. We dated for four years, and there was never a dull moment between us. In fact, I almost married him & to this day, I wonder if he was the one I let slip away. My point is this, sometimes we meet people who seem so not our type, but then we come to find that we didn't really know what our type was after all. I've since learned that although a person may act differently (he was highly extroverted) than what we are used to, it doesn't mean we don't share the same values when all is said and done. The other point I want to make is that some young men are old souls who have experienced life beyond what the average male has experienced. He was one such person, having lived abroad, served in special forces (I suspect, and he wouldn't say, and having known a whole lot of women, and how to please them.) To use your words..."Ahem."

Long story short, I just don't want you to miss out on something good in the event that you have limited your dating to men of your own age group only. You're an attractive girl, and as a size four, you won't have to worry about not being attractive to a younger man. The other thing I'd like to add (and it always makes American men and some women angry) is that if you have a chance, do date a Frenchman. In my personal experience, their worth the trouble of having to figure out all of their cultural differences.

Well, I've rambled on. Thanks for another terrific read. I'll be back. -Savvy

wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Wow, thanks so much for that, savvydating! You had me heart in hand reading each tidbit of your story. LOVED IT! (and I admit, I was smiling the whole time -- especially with the "ahem" comment!). Now I'm really torn. I thought for sure it would just be easier to wipe out an entire segment of men for being too young, since the pattern of immaturity seemed pretty common among them. I'm sure you're absolutely right, though. Some men have experiences early on that give them the kind of insight and wisdom even men my age might not have.

I'm so glad you like reading my Hubs-- more to come as I wrap up a writing project. Gosh, just thinking about how much time has elapsed since my last well, "fling," it's scary that I've lost a year of my peak years! I need to get back into the water and start swimming before the mojo tapers off. Ugggh! I don't want to come off desperate to men out there, but shoot, I'm so ripe for the picking I might just explode. Thanks again for stopping by and your wonderful comments!

savvydating profile image

savvydating 3 years ago

I'm happy that you liked my true story, and as for the compliment I gave you, it practically goes without saying. Your writing is amazing.

I'm back with another comment because I want to encourage you to date again. I know where you're coming from because I've gone longer than a year without dating; I'm into quality, not quantity. However, I can remember saying out loud (and my poor young son was within hearing range), "I need a boyfriend. Now! Like, today." That's when I wrote down all the things I would like about a man. Mostly, the list was short and sweet, and it went something like this: "He has to worship me, body and soul, and have a lot of sex appeal." And along he came. It was weird. He was the very same sexy young man I mentioned, who actually did worship me, and who, in some ways, was more mature than me... and financially responsible to boot!

Anyhoo, it is true that there are a lot of immature young men out there, but I've known much older men who were just as foolish. So, no - you don't want to limit yourself because of age. What you want is a man who worships the ground you walk on and who takes his sweet time in bed. Also, I know someone mentioned using toys... no offense, but if it's not real who needs it. That's my motto anyway.

One more tip. I resisted this guy at first, but then I took the plunge. I'm glad I did, and I'm hoping the same good fortune for you!

wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

^^^LOVE, thank you!!! I had a good laugh reading it aloud to my teenage daughters. I literally JUST said, "why can't some man just love me; I'm so lovable." Then I saw your alert in my inbox. I so relate to your every word! OK, a man who adores me, showers me with sappy romance and rocks my world in the bedroom... that's what I want.

Oh, and I agree about the toys. It's why I still don't own any. I want a man's touch more than a fake vibration.

dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

" Abstinence" - I think this is a major difference between men and women. No men I know of would intentionally go without sex for year simply because they had not met "the one". Yes, we'd love to have the whole ball of wax however we're likely to hookup with someone to relieve the tension who may not be Ms. Right while we are still seeking her. Some people call them "booty calls" or "friends with benefits"

Most men "compartmentalize" when it comes to sex and love. For us sex is an urge. If you are tired (you sleep), if you are thirsty (you drink), if you are hungry (you eat) and if you are horny (you get laid). That's pretty much how men view sex. Yes, we all have standard with regard to a woman's appearance but she does not have to be "the one" for us to address our urge. Some men are even willing to (pay) for sex. Life is a (personal) journey and everyone is entitled to live their life on their own terms.

Lastly I don't think mojo fades for everyone however it does tend to wane for some people as they get older. Some women for instance lose all interest after menopause and others jump into high gear. For others their interest will vary depending upon what is more pressing in their lives. Men are also likely to masturbate when they don't have sex partners.

wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Well said, Kevin. I'd do like men, but I get all emotional too easy. I don't want to fall "in love" with a guy because hormones are messing with my head. So at least the guy I sleep with should have boyfriend potential before I "go there."

Come again!

dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

Sheila that makes a lot of sense to me. When it is all said and done (you) have to really know yourself. People get into trouble when they make moves without (knowing) how they deal with situations.

Smart and beautiful. I like that in a woman! :-)

Everything is going to work out for you! Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks for the kind words of support. Ditto, Kevin. I can't wait to see any new articles you post!

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