I'm 35 and Single. Is It Time to Get a Cat?

I've tried everything recently. I've been on dating sites. I've tried to have friends set me up on dates. I've worn a little extra make-up at the grocery store and tried to look seductive while buying cereal. The fact is, I am 35 and single. I am almost 36 now, so time is running out. Obviously, if I don't find a guy soon, I am going to be forced to purchase a cat.

There is an unwritten law that states any woman in her mid-30s without children must own a cat. Maybe the law is even written somewhere, but I haven't seen it yet. Basically, I've been pushing it this entire year thinking I could continue being in my mid-30s without owning a cat. To turn 36 and still have no boyfriend and no cat, well, that is just unacceptable.

Since my quest to find a man has obviously failed, my next quest must be to find the perfect cat. In all honesty, all I really want is someone that looks forward to seeing me come home from work and wants to cuddle while I watch TV. Sure, a man can do that, but he'll just whine if I want to take over the remote control. Do cats do that? No.

A cat will chill out with you and watch whatever you want to watch on TV. The cat is just happy you are there and feeding it. Take out a laser pointer or some catnip, and that cat is happy for the rest of the night. Is a man that easy to please? No, of course not. So a cat is so much better than a man, right?

So I've accepted my fate. I may as well go to the shelter this weekend to find my little Midnight, or Snuggles, or Garfield. Of course, then I have to feed a cat. The cat is going to leave cat hair all over my couch. Then, I'll have to vacuum all the time. Even worse, I'll be forced to have a litter box. I'll need to clean that all the time, too. When am I going to find the time for all that? After all, I am single, so therefore, there is no man helping me pay the bills. I will then have to start working longer hours just so I can pay for the litter, food, vet bills, cat toys, etc. What little free time I have will be spent cleaning after the cat. I will be lucky if I have time for television at all. I guess the cat will watch TV by herself.

Of course, then the issue will be that Kitty is lonely. While I am working all those long hours and cleaning during all of my free time, the cat will be neglected. This means I will be forced to buy another cat to keep the first cat entertained. Great. That means more food, more litter, more cleaning, and more money being spent. However, this is the life of a single woman, so I must accept it. After all, at least people are polite enough to no longer use the term "spinster." Everyone just simply recommends getting some cats. That is way better, right?

Once I have two cats, I am sure I will have a new reputation as having a "cat friendly" home. In a sense, the way marijuana is the gateway drug for harder drugs, one or two cats is the gateway to Crazy Cat Lady status.

Oh yes, it starts out simple enough. Oh, just one cat or two cats. No big deal. There is no cat addiction. Everything is normal here. A friend or two drops off a cat so you can catsit for them, but they never return to pick up Fluffy or Skittles. The cats start multiplying like Gremlins being feed after midnight. The next thing you know, you've got 20 cats milling around. Your neighbors are complaining about the odor. Your family is trying to have an intervention. No man will come near you at the grocery store, so now you'll never get a date. You have become the Crazy Cat Lady!

Come to think of it, I really don't want a cat at all. Also, I kind of don't want a man ruining my good time either. I rather like being single. I can do whatever I want, and don't have a man or cat bothering me. I can come and go as I please. I can watch whatever I want on TV. I don't have to clean up after a cat or a dude. What a great life!

Copyright ©2012 Jeannieinabottle