he is not returning by calls/texts

1. 49

   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   Hi guys this may sound like a stypid question, but i have not ehard form my ex afafir partner for a couple of days and wonder if i am over reacting if he wants nothing more to do with me etc.
   
   
   
   We are currently still friends and he is going through a really hard time! Here is some background. Recently after an incident involving his wife of which they had a fight she put the kids in the car and he pursued and they proceeded to bumb into each other, she lost control of the car, the police were called and he was arrested.  he already had an AVO on him and was not allowed to threaten or intimitate her. However, they had reconcile and where getting along swell.  Anyway the court has forbidden him from having any contact with her or the children, plus there is a possibility of him going to  jail.
   
   
   
   Perhaps i am over reacting, but he has just stopped talking to me in the past. I know these are big issues and perhaps he does not feel like talking to anyone.
   
   Can someone help offer some advice, as i love him alot and this is killing me!

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   1. 59

      SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      run quick...dump him!

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2. 60

   janesixposted 12 years ago

   Why are you messing around in another woman's mans pants in the first place?

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      SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      ....i just re-read 'ex-affair partner'...must be a new term i'm not up on
      
      yeah...what are ya doin' messin' around?  it'll be a mess and keep getting messy; a mess ya should stayed out of in the first place

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3. 49

   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   yes i know im a horrible person! but i am worried about him because he has not otehr friends except me, and his family. And just want to know if it normal for someone going through these type of issues to retreat and not talk to anyone, or is he dissing me again!

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4. 83

   donotfearposted 12 years ago

   I gotta ask, and had to think while I was reading this;  is this a joke?

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5. 49

   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   actually wish it was a joke, but it seriously is not!

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6. 72

   AEvansposted 12 years ago

   There is something wrong with this picture. Why are you so concerned about him, when he certainly isn't concerned about you? You deserve better then this, I would recommend walking away and very quickly! If he has cheated on his wife and you are an affair, he would also cheat on you.

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7. 49

   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   Im concerned because im worried about him and i love him alot!

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8. 57

   MelissaBarrettposted 12 years ago

   JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
   
   Wow, cheating spouses and police involvement. AND restraining orders!
   
   If he was into you, he wouldn't still be married.  If he was the kind of man that was worth anything he wouldn't have slept with you at all.
   
   Take my advice, just stop dating for a while. When you realize that normal relationships don't involve the word affair, police, jail, or restraining orders then start dating again.
   
   Until you realize that there is a whole world filled with relationships that are exciting enough based on common interests, joint new experiences, and compatibility then you will define a good relationship by how much drama occurs.

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   1. 60

      ikechiawazieposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      @goldengirl88. If you say you love him, then respect him enough to allow him to call you if he needs you. Furthermore, have you thought of his wife; i dont think it would be fair to them if you mendle into their affairs even though your intentions are good.

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      EmpressFelicityposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Very sane and sensible advice Melissa, but unfortunately some people are just addicted to drama and don't think that a relationship is "real" unless it involves either physical violence, cheating or morbid jealousy. Preferably all three.

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9. 49

   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   Ikechiawazie, not really meddling in there affairs, just trying to be a friend to him, and would do this for anyone!  And hate the drama, its like a really bad soap opera! and yes would love a normal healthy happy relationship that is simple and nice.  i just going to leave it if he wants to call m,e fine, if not then i will be ok i hope.
   
   thanks everyone

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   1. 59

      couturepopcafeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      If you are concerned as you say, go to the police station and look at the (public record) police report of the last incident.  If he's not physically hurt, in hospital, or jail, leave it alone.  Let it go.  Love, or its imitators, can hurt. 
      
      You'll discover something:  he'll miss you eventually or you'll discover a new world without him.  Good luck and keep your wits about you.

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      AshtonFireflyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Please be careful. It sounds like you are deceiving yourself.
      If you were really just wanting to be his friend, there would be no sex or feelings involved. In the same sentence you said you wanted a relationship with no drama involved. Choosing to have an intimate encounter with a man who is married will cause drama. You can't avoid it. If you don't want drama, you have to choose a different man and a different situation.
      You say you feel like a terrible person for your actions; if you feel your actions are terrible, change them. Don't just say you feel like a terrible person because of your actions and make excuses.
      My family was destroyed by a situation like this. There are children invovled. This is a family you're talking about.

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10. 49

    goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

    Im sorry your family was destroyed by a situation like this, i personally think all the violence between him and her has done more damage to there familly unit then his cheating and my involvement.
    
    But yeah the friendship thing is different, but i  think love is friendship on fire!
    
    I guess it depends on the family and the parents because i grew up in a situation like this, but my parent stayed together and were miserable and i had a horrible childhood because of it. In the end it just ended with her hating him and vice versa. Trust me not a good model for a relationship for your children too grow up with, and is effecting us until this day with the type of relationships with the opposite sex  we get involved in.

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       AshtonFireflyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I can understand.
       But I still don't understand why, if you know you are contributing to pain, and you feel awful about what you're doing, you don't stop...
       Perhaps my pain speaks louder than my reason, but it just makes sense. Not pointing fingers.

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11. 59

    SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years ago

    ...stop making excuses for your actions...look, he would have told you about his relationship through his eyes at that time and of course would have made it look bad....
    that's what happens in affairs...and ya slept with him and kept sleeping with him...there was/is a family and you had no right to get involved.  and guess what you, you have no idea of what is really happening within that family and never will, because you are not part of it...you're on the outside
    
    i do not have time for affairs...i do not have any...and I mean any sympathy for adulterers...either side of the coin

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    1. 0

       DoorMattnomoreposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       you mean "ex afafirs" 
       
       sorry golden girl, I dont mean to be rude. But if he is your ex, there is a reason. I am sorry your in pain, but I would guess it is time to move on, and let him do the same. I know, easier said then done.

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12. 60

    vintageglamourposted 12 years ago

    this cannot be true

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13. 49

    goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

    everyone has a right to there opinion, and yeah fair enough about the adulerous comments! im not making excuses for my actions, but he was in a really emotional state last time i spoke with him, and you know what its not a hard thing for anyone to send a text, make a phone call and say you know what i dont want to talk, be your friends etc. show someone respect.
    yeah he did make it sound bad after the affair, which only lasted two days and then he told her and they separated, after this he lied and gave false impressions of there relationship etc, to both of us.  i honestly just think he is one confused individual.

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    1. 59

       SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       oh fug...give me a break...cry me a river...get a life

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