Scarred

Scars, some are painful reminders, some visual, some physical, some psychological-all stay with you and leave their mark, but the one thing they all have in common, is that they have healed; some scars took/take longer to heal and or recover from, nevertheless, wounds heal. The process and means by which they heal is often painstaking and varies from person to person, but the important part, is that all wounds have the potential to heal.

Many people suffer from (PTS) posttraumatic stress, experience setbacks, flashbacks, and as a result, suffer from depression, anger, grief, and feelings of despair. Sometimes is feels as though one cannot or will not ever heal and or recover from the wounds that are inflicted or sustained, thus often times leading to suicide or substance abuse.

Not everyone believes in therapy or thinks any good can or will come from talking about ones ‘issues’ and or experiences, especially openly, candidly, or with ‘virtual strangers.’ Admittedly, I was fearful, ashamed, embarrassed, and hesitant with the prospect/process. Namely because many of my family members believe, think, are convinced, that talking about the incidents, events, and or experiences that led/lead to the scars is a ‘waste of time’ and it is dwelling, or feeling sorry for yourself. Many people are in agreement with that, share their opinion, and that is their right, your right, everyone’s right. Speaking for myself and on behalf of me, that method had not worked, and was not working. For some, this is often referred, viewed, and or considered as a sign of weakness, or so I’ve been told, on numerous occasions, and they may be right. I will be the first to admit I am highly sensitive and extremely emotional. However, I do not believe these are signs or symptoms of weakness, merely personality traits, which allow one to express and feel empathy for others, to feel and express compassion, concern, and basic human kindness, a mutual respect for one another, as well as, relate to someone else’s pain.

If someone/anyone can learn something or finds some comfort, can gain some insight and strength, from hearing, sharing, talking, and or recounting, the events that has/have left them scarred, and can then in turn help others, themselves, or one’s self, to heal/recover, or even prevent someone/anyone else from going through or experiencing the same thing or something similar, then I fail to see how this can be viewed, considered or deemed, a ‘bad thing.’

I spent my life repressing, burying, suffering, and detaching myself, lying to myself, about my experiences, and my pain, and as a result I was left physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred. I spent the majority of my life just wishing I were dead, and the rest of it feeling dead inside. Either way, until I began to deal with my issues, which I did by way of therapy, and dealt with my issues, facing them ‘head on,’ in lieu of burying them, only then, did I begin to heal. I write and speak candidly and openly, about my life and my experiences, not seeking pity, but in the hope that I might touch, reach, help, or prevent, others from having to undergo similar situations/experiences. Not everyone is comfortable, likes, or agrees with this method, and again, that is their right, your right. I am simply sharing mine, which is my right as well.

My scars are permanent. I cannot change what has happened or has taken place, and amazingly enough, I would not want to. I wear my scars and view them more as ‘badges of honor,’ now. I managed to survive, overcome, endure, and withstand the pain, and I have the scars to prove it. Healing takes time and does not happen all at once, and is a painstaking process, but it is possible. While we may all differ in our approach, attempts, and or methods of healing, I’m sure most would agree, the important part is not how we heal-only that we heal.