Silly Bandz: Fun Uses for Silly Bandz

Silly Bandz: Fun Uses for Silly Bandz

Sure, you can wear 'em on your wrists. You can load up enough Silly Bandz to hide your presidential watch and your sun spots. You can spend $10 at the dollar store and walk out with sufficient Silly Bandz to cover the wrists of a small country.

The suggested application is wrist-related. However, these amazing pop culture icons have stretched and glowed their way into all aspects of modern society. Should you see a 1969 Camaro held together with Silly Bandz, please don't stare. The owner probably found a bulk discount on one of the lesser popular styles. We hear that the Algebra Equation Silly Bandz aren't selling like the research scientists at Silly Bandz, Incorporated predicted they would.

Silly Bandz merchandise possess some of the most sought-after physical and metaphysical properties in the scientific community. Engineers spend entire careers developing synthetic materials to solve nagging societal problems; then Silly Bandz come along and knock the collective science community on its collective ear.

Engineers study and quantify such engineering properties as:

  • Tensile strength,
  • Torsional Resistance,
  • Shear Strength,
  • Flexure,
  • Compression Tolerance, and
  • Tensile Modulus.

Silly bandz characterize none of these characteristics, but they do have:

  • Colorfulness,
  • Stretchyness,
  • Coolness,
  • Popularness,
  • Varietyness, and
  • Cheapness.

Silly Bandz are probably not appropriate for life-saving applications.
Silly Bandz are probably not appropriate for life-saving applications.
A triangular Silly Bandz reinforces a bicycle.
A triangular Silly Bandz reinforces a bicycle.

Silly Bandz epitomize modern fashion technology

Current research (thanks to a grant from the NSF) indicates that Silly Bandz technology has reached state-of-the-art. According to Hasbro's Law, costume jewelry products tend to increase in popularity along a discontinuous logarithmic progression. Eventually market saturation reaches a critical point, causing product visibility and attraction in middle school to drop precipitously. The vast majority of manufactured items tend to find useful life as cat toys, sunglasses-to-sun-visor attachment devices, or unidentifiable masses in the bottoms of purses. This product arc has been identified in pet rocks, Mighty Beanz, and congressional candidates.

Conclusion

  1. Use Silly Bandz for wrist adornment, but not for life-saving or life-affirming applications.
  2. They look great on the wrist, they won't support your body weight.
  3. Don't invest your 401K in Silly Bandz equities, mutual funds, or bonds.

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Comments 1 comment

Dave 6 years ago

I just came back from Florida with my extended family. My nieces bought those things at Disney, the mall, I think even at a truck stop! I'm in the wrong business!!!!

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