Watch like the President

Tidy up all the lose ends in your life so you can focus on presidential wrist apparel. Pay off the mortgage, deworm the cat, finish your homework. Don't miss out on current fashion crazes inspired by the Oval Office. It's not about telling time any more; he has a cabinet secretary for that. His wrist needs to rock the Federal Bling. A Rolex is too hoity-toity but a watch like the president plays well in Iowa.

Our Commander in Chief flashed the Jorg Gray JG6500 wrist chronometer at his inauguration. The nation held its collective breath and clicked it's collective mouse as he confidently took the Oath of Office, knowing that the precise time of day was always nearby.

Unless your forearm sports the the Jorg Gray JG6500 watch, you're telling time the old fashioned way.

• A watch case machined from solid steel. Obviously this increases the weight of the watch when compared to carbon-fiber watch cases, but the Jorg Gray JG6500 is meaty enough to deflect gratuitous attacks from far-right wing Middle America. Bill O'Reilly cringes when the sun glints off the stem winder.
• A genuine Italian buffalo leather strap. For uncounted millennia, immense herds of buffalo roamed the plains of Palermo. Few remain. Your Jorg Gray JG6500 immortalizes the huge stinky beast without actually having to clean up after it.
• High precision Japanese chronograph movement. Nothing says "I'M PRESIDENTIAL" quite like offshore components.
• Water resistant to 100 meters. We always suspected the president was a multitasking superhero. He may need to know the time as he disables a device hidden deep beneath the surface of the Potomac.
• Scratch-resistant mineral crystal. The crystal is the transparent protection covering the watch face. You'd think a presidential watch would deserve a scratch-proof unit. Wrestling with federal deficits can get rather abrasive.
  

• First Lady Orthopedic Shoes. They might look like last year's Pradas, but they provide unparalleled support throughout those interminable state dinners and Rose Garden photo ops.
  
• "1600 Pennsylvania Ave" underwear. A complete line of seamless wash-and-wear poly-cotton blends offering cool comfort when the heat is on. Face the press in complete confidence as the antibacterial coating wicks away sweat and makes your policies smell a little bit better.
• Bill of Rights trash can liner. Every time you take out the garbage you'll be reminded of what our country once was. Of course, the president has a cabinet member to do this for him.

The president can have any watch in the world. Despite the fact that holding the position of Commander-in-Chief offers a relatively paltry salary of about $400,000, the job provides sufficient perks to throw off significant spending money. It's not as if the prez has to look for an apartment; he and his family get to live in a big white house on Pennsylvania Avenue. Some presidents even invite members of their extended family to share the fun.

Perhaps he has a designer watch for every day of the week. On Monday he sports a Rolex, Tuesday a Breitling, Wednesday a Patek-Phillipe, Thursday a Tag Hauer, and Friday a Cartier. Saturday and Sunday are spent with sturdy Timex wrist-wear as he pulls weeds in the Rose Garden and helps local schoolchildren with homework.

Maybe he looks at his Blackberry when he needs a time check.