50 Funny Facebook Status Messages

Here are 50 Funny facebook status messages collected from the internet.  C'mon make your own status messages too!

  • decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
  • thinks that a bad thing about a good thing is that it always comes to an end.
  • If a cop stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?
  • Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
  • wondering why every woman is wrong until she cries, and then, viola, she is right, instantly!
  • I'm not high maintenance. I am just a precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
  • You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
  • Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
  • One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions
  • taking a picture of a flower does not make you a photographer......

  • Glow-in-the-dark condoms: now you see it, now you don't!
  • says In about 50 years from now, tombstones will read 'Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Facebook friend
  • If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee!
  • A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin
  • I am used but in good condition
  • It would be some much easier for me to be compassionate, if compassionate meant smacking people in the head.
  • Don't you wonder why people look back at the same spot when they trip over it? As if the sidewalk is going to talk back or laugh at them.
  • Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that you're not really friends with them?
  • a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school's pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water..... Is that wrong?
  • a paper cut is a trees last revenge =)

  • Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
  • If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
  • Dismayed! I don't even know how to spell anymore. I type the 1st half of the word and wait for autocorrect to do the rest.
  • moving sucks! why didn't anyone invented copy and paste for real life?
  • Some people get so upset when you delete them from your fb friends list. What is the big deal it's not like we're real friends and hang out everyday.
  • says "Dear Mathematics, please grow up and solve your own problems."
  • Skinny jeans aren't for everybody...
  • says don't look at me in that tone of voice
  • Dear God, I've been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven't been mean at all, but I'm about to get up now and I may need your help :))))))
  • Drama Queens/Kings, Hypocrites, two-faced, exaggerators and fake people can all be found on Facebook!!!
  • Honestly, when I crawled out of bed this morning I had no intention of being brilliant, but sometimes things just work out!


  • In an interview, "I can multitask housework with facebook!"
  • Addicted to facebook and terrified of being offline!
  • has successfully licked one of my elbows!
  • is now listed as single but in a relationship, it's complicated.
  • When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
  • What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing....
  • wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  • if you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito

  • Why is bra singular and panties plural?
  • The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
  • Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. Four skills I possess while shaving my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life.
  • I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos
  • is trying to remember what we all used to do before facebook was invented
  • remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit..
  • I heard the Japanese have invented a camera with a shutter so fast that it can actually photograph a woman with her mouth shut! Isn't that amazing? Before you show your hurt feelings, just keep in mind THIS IS A JOKE, no one can create a camera that FAST
  • dear Santa, let me explain...
  • When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets
  • Just when you think you got the answer...someone changes the question.


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Comments 77 comments

Missi Darnell profile image

Missi Darnell 6 years ago from Southern California

Very funny! They are all great and a few I have seen on facebook.


samboiam profile image

samboiam 6 years ago from Texas

This was great. I laughed all the way through.


My Digest profile image

My Digest 6 years ago Author

Missi and Sam: You love facebook too? LOL gotcha!

*Misty


 6 years ago

Please follow me i am following you


dutch84 profile image

dutch84 6 years ago

These are hilarious! I'm using them...


My Digest profile image

My Digest 6 years ago Author

Gosh, I can't follow you. No name. No link and no photo :( When you show up, I will!

Dutch84: Go and have fun with it!

*Misty


lxxy profile image

lxxy 6 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

Thanks for this, plenty of laughs.

Poor kid...suddenly I have a craving for bacon.


tgallagher profile image

tgallagher 6 years ago from Fargo, ND

Thank you for the laughter. This was a great break and just what I needed to put a smile on my face. :)


nettech profile image

nettech 6 years ago from London (UK)

Lol, definitely a page I'll be revisiting, thanks for that I shall be using a lot of them in the upcoming few days...

Zaheer :-)


Banana01 profile image

Banana01 6 years ago from United States

Pretty funny. Kudos.


tihesha renton 6 years ago

okaii?? xx


Faffe profile image

Faffe 6 years ago from Bahrain

LAMO 2 gud!!


My Digest profile image

My Digest 6 years ago Author

keep laughing..it's good medicine! :) :D Appreciate your visits!

*Misty


insanefacts profile image

insanefacts 6 years ago from India

very funnyy!!!!


G Miah profile image

G Miah 6 years ago from Muslim Nation

These are actually very funny!!! They'll be used on some of my statuses!


FashionFame profile image

FashionFame 6 years ago from California

Awesome! Funny ! Hilarious! Joining your fan club to stay connected and would like to invite you too.


yellowstar2000 profile image

yellowstar2000 6 years ago from WestCoast Florida

Voted up! and Funny! these are really great, some of them are side-splitting, I'm saving this one!


silverfoxygirl108 profile image

silverfoxygirl108 6 years ago

Greatest hub ever!!! haha :D I'll bet you had fun writing that one!


Plapa profile image

Plapa 6 years ago from Portugal

You did a great job. They are very very very funny :D I'm going to rememeber thus hub for a long time!!!!


Shawn Scarborough profile image

Shawn Scarborough 6 years ago from The Lone Star State

This is the funniest hub I've read so far. Great job!


OneMoreLevel profile image

OneMoreLevel 6 years ago

These were great!

Try this one:

"My email is so messy I'm adding "Directed by M Night Shyamalan" to the footer as an explanation."


My Digest profile image

My Digest 6 years ago Author

Glad you guys are having a blast with these funny facebook statuses. Appreciate your visits! Now go and post something on facebook! LOL


SuperLimbo 6 years ago

has successfully licked one of my elbows!

EPIC


natasha 6 years ago

i love these statuses..its so like my kinda statuses..!!!:D


Tyler James Lawler 6 years ago

These are awesome!!!!!! FB fans add me!


Adeleye George 6 years ago

Awesome.


NaSh.. 6 years ago

l0l w0t a laugh . . . w0t great satutus msgs. . .


My Digest profile image

My Digest 6 years ago Author

Enjoy facebook :)

*Misty


kluivert profile image

kluivert 5 years ago from Johannesburg ,S.A

this are realy realy hilarious---------and ive become a Fb star funny man with them


tim Hanks 5 years ago

"Dear Mathematics, please grow up and solve your own problems."

Drama Queens/Kings, Hypocrites, two-faced, exaggerators and fake people can all be found on Facebook!!!

These two are doing great :)


Des 5 years ago

This is one of the better facebook status sites....love it


hinjal patel 5 years ago

lol definitely evryday use.. i m already using dem thankz


crisi 5 years ago

hi! dued


Mustafa Shanzar Khan 5 years ago

AwSm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Mustafa Shanzar Khan 5 years ago

AwSm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


lhepburn profile image

lhepburn 5 years ago

HA HA HE HE!!!


H.R.SUROOR 5 years ago

i am; but WHAT Am i???

Hameed Ur Rehman SUROOR


Chezzaa babez! 5 years ago

Some are good?

i guess.


Mark 5 years ago

I got so excited at first until i read that it was just a joke, that there was no way they could invent a camera that fast,lmao


John 5 years ago

I think the best text is:

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Do you continue to post more stuff?

Really nice work.


Sanjay Kumar 5 years ago

Awesome thank you so much


mir abrar 5 years ago

itz awEsOMe !!!! !!! !!!

but it sometimes hurtz... ... ... :)


Nancy 5 years ago

great!!! Hilarious!!! I'll definitely be revisiting!!1


Alyssa Kate  5 years ago

haha!

i love these Statussss!!!

i?em


Ambika 5 years ago

"Trust is like an Eraser, it gets Smaller after each Mistake" ~ ZQ


shrey 5 years ago

all o des quotes r too old eh!! :/ blah#


janine 5 years ago

Thanks for the smile on my face.


raju kagbeniboy 5 years ago

haha,tx , have fun


Miss Skullz 5 years ago

LMFAO 2 2 2 2 2 good, thanks 4 the smile and laughs, surely has made my day


becky john 5 years ago

i luv to status cos its realy hilarious


Kassie 5 years ago

These are awesome


Jangaplanet profile image

Jangaplanet 5 years ago

These are hilarious and I especially laughed at a particular one which goes: "remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit".

I think I'm going to use that one!

Awesome thanks :)


pavan 5 years ago

superrrrrrrrrrrrr


10mostwanted 4 years ago

The one about apples and blackberry appropriate for the RIM drama that's happening now


Kommoon profile image

Kommoon 4 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

love them all , great collection ^^


peepa 4 years ago

i stole them

lol

you can find more at here

http://funnyonelinersonrajinikanth.blogspot.com


Tammy 4 years ago

status for Blackberry "isn't writing a message"


nisha 4 years ago

this is outstanding ,

i already use most of it on my facebook wall .

you also can find more at

http://www.squidoo.com/funny-one-liners-on-faceboo...


satish sharma 4 years ago

Eight man r raping a woman ..the woman is laughing nonstop ..so after the men get bugged n ask her y she laughing ..she replies " mujhe AIDS hai "


Nyarie ash 4 years ago

I lavd t! Tz so funny!mwahz...


mohammed abz 4 years ago

add me on facebook

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Swearing/94785499487.../profile.php?id=100001385956393


harish gowthaman 4 years ago

east or west rajini is always best


steelerbeauty Marianna 4 years ago

Love them most I have never heard before, had me and my brother inlaw crackin up


tasha 4 years ago

lmao


tasha 4 years ago

i belive that thease stattuses will make people laugh out loud,Idont lol much but i do say it . also its funny because i laughed at the 8th one lmao now that's funny stuff lol


lerato 4 years ago

its great


buyrealmarketing profile image

buyrealmarketing 4 years ago from Canada

Very funny. Indeed these statuses will make an impression on friends and people who read their feed.


Fradder Lickenstein 4 years ago

awsom i luvd 'em but guys u shood at lest tri 2 b more funner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


RoseBud 4 years ago

i really like these comments... i saved some for my messenger!:Ps


cutiepi 4 years ago

I wish these were funnier! But i just use them 4 other things, not 4 FACEbook!


neha 4 years ago

really funny


sky 4 years ago

just awesome


facebook comments 4 years ago

I’m flattened by your contents keep up the excellent work.

http://www.murodefrases.com


juliette 4 years ago

Sh*t MEN THIS STATUS ARE SO FUNNY LOVE IT :)


Smith 4 years ago

These are awesome statuses, get more status ideas at http://www.squidoo.com/funny-facebook-sayings


intalmeltex 3 years ago

When i utilized to find high on lifetime yet as of late We have piled up the opposition.


Ebram 14 months ago

Lol thank you for making my day

funny one on fake people: http://foto4quote.com/quotes-about-fake-people-and...

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